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About this blog

Get out of my head!! It's not safe in here!!

Entries in this blog

 

Yummm

So I've been making my own body balm...yummy...Recipe Here.   It's so easy even I can do it and the benefits of this stuff (over commercial products) so far have been WELL worth the effort (besides, I enjoy doing this).   I made some mandarin first, and tonight, grapefruit and ylang-ylang. It smells SOO good (and it's a light scent...which I need because strong scents make me sick). I made some of it stiffer, this time, and put it in an old Lip Smacker tube. I actually had just enough to fill three containers, which was awesome luck.   I ordered some more fractionated coconut and beeswax as well as some essential oils in order to make more. I'm thinking of putting an order in somewhere else to get more containers, and some loose herbs besides. I think the scent of grapefruit is REALLY helping my anxiety, just based on tonight's experience. Or else the act of doing something fully involved helped a lot, or both.   I got some bad news yesterday: someone has gotten hold of my credit card number and tried to charge $757 to my account. The good news, well great news, is that Capital One caught it right away. Did not approve the charge, and is sending me a new card.   I also got my windshield fixed for the fourth time yesterday, hopefully for good. *eyeroll* thank gods warranty is covering it.   And of course, the thing that makes me REALLY happy, is today my boss showed me how to do some really basic, but pretty awesome (for me at least) things on the RoboDrill. He also talked a bit about programming, and said that if I stick with it and I like it, I can go to programming school. I was having a really articulate day and was able to pick up on what he was saying and showing me *very* quickly...and remember most all of it...which is really rare for me. I really think I would enjoy programming these machines (my two loves: metal and computers!).   I've had a really good week all things considered. Some things not so good, but it's been far better than most of the past several months of hell. So I'm content...not really happy right now but content.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Yippeeee! ::dances::

I got an armguard from my mom, and my gram gave me a shooting glove, so I was shooting my longbow again today. I CAN HIT THE TARGET!! YAY!!! I figured something out-if I aim *first* and then draw the bow, it works alot better. I just have to be able to keep the bow still as I draw it, that's the challenge. ::happy dance::

Guest

Guest

 

Yet Another Boring Day...

Today I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful for that which the gods have given me. I just wish I didn't have to go to school. School= SSSD^3 :PI still haven't heard from my friend, and I'm a little worried but, hey, no sense worrying. If I had kept up the amount of nervousness I had before, I'd be dead by now.I'm moving to Minnesota in the fall (I might have mentioned it?) and I can't wait. I don't handle cold well so it will be an adjustment, but there are so many good things waiting there for me...I'll just have to bundle up! I *am* in fact getting the bow I wanted. It should be here next Wednesday, although I may need some more things for it before I can actually shoot it (arrow tips for instance-I have no clue if the arrows I ordered come with them.) My friends are all saying they are waiting to get to watch me try to string a bow... apparently they think it will be a complete laugh riot.

Guest

Guest

 

Yay! Lol

Thank Gods this week is better than the last two. My ISP is being a pain but hey...whatever right?   I want to build an altar I'm starting to get farther into the Roman paganism as well as...well I'm a bit of a mix really. I worship both Celtic and Roman Gods to a degree...(I used to have an altar...but that was a long time ago)...I'm just thinking about where to get supplies for it lol...too much planning, not enough doing. I guess I'll eventually have to kick myself in the butt instead of waiting for the right thing....   I'm wondering what I was thinking taking AP chem, although I'm really glad I took AP english. That chem is going to kill me though, lol.   By the way, Trillian is awesome. It was confusing at first though. I accidentally lost some convos   I'm reading a biography of Caesar for English...and writing a review of it. It may be a while to wait for the review though, but I'll post it when it's finally done

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Yay! ::dances::

I DID get the bow...A WEEK EARLY!! and I have no clue how to aim it, but I can manage to hit the bale, even if not the target I'll learn...because it was a struggle to make myself put the thing down, even though I have permanent grooves in my fingers now hehe. Stringing and unstringing WAS a real treat too :lol:Boys in my shop class "helped" and basically ruined two of my projects...

Guest

Guest

 

Yay!

Looks like I *AM* going to get the Viper! YAY!!!! :: dances:: I'm actually awake and happy at this moment, which I'm sure will change as soon as I step foot in school On a more serious note, I really hope I hear from my friend soon. Last I heard he was really sick, and I haven't heard from him or his wife in over a week. I was really worried about him, but now I'm not. Somehow I know he's either OK or at peace. I just wish I'd hear from them.

Guest

Guest

 

YAY (and also, shit)

I now have DSL (it was really pretty painless) and my laptop is in Allentown, so it should be here sometime early next week (provided DHL Express doesn't decide that they won't deliver it to my house, grrr). I'm really excited to get it. So YAY.   I got to see my therapist on Wednesday, and she says I'm doing really well. Major improvement from last time. But I am really glad I got to see her, because I needed to. The newest thing I have to deal with is that my best friend has an excruciatingly painful chronic illness and I am not handling that well. (Though I have gotten to the point where I can do some basic research on it online. If I stay in "science mindset" I can handle looking at the information.) I've known about his illness pretty much since I met him and he handles it very well, but since my breakdown in January I don't seem to be able to cope with it.   I found out on Thursday that a dear friend of mine's son is rejecting his donor kidney, again. And it looks like he won't ever regain full function even with medication. We're all hoping for the best, though. (and that, my friends, is the 'shit')

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Wow

I didn't realize it'd been so long since I updated!!!!   I've been keeping myself busy, I jumped right in with my Gwyddon studies and I have my first group ritual this Monday (Beltaine!!!). I've been collecting supplies, sewing robes and am preparing to set up an altar. Most of it I hope will be set up tomorrow. Unfortunately the onyx bowl I ordered isn't here yet...I didn't realize it was coming from Canada or I would have ordered it sooner. *sigh* I may wind up using a temporary one until it gets here.   I had a therapy appointment on Thursday (that reminds me!!! I have to add my next one to my calendar or I WILL miss it!) Tamar says I'm doing REALLY well. I am, I can totally feel a difference. Last night I joined a site called Anxiety Tribe and I happened to pop into the chat room (something I rarely do...I was bored and lonely). I already met someone there I think I'll be able to really connect with!!!   I got a new deck of Tarot cards (which I love!!!! I'm a divination geek *grins*) and a Celtic Women CD, which I double love!!!   I've got a cold. Joy of joys. My coworker snapped at me yesterday morning...I only have a vague idea why and I really think he overreacted...I don't believe for a second that I deserved it. But I know he's been having a bad week, because he's getting sick as well and my boss has had him running around like a chicken. *sigh* he doesn't understand my curious problem-solving nature and I think it pisses him off when really, it shouldn't.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

World's Biggest Dork? (even I'm not usually this bad)

OK, I must deserve some sort of prize for this one. You know, for my superior grace and dignity.   Here's the story:   I was coming down with an ear infection this weekend. Now, I'm prone to ear infections, especially in my right ear. I know what they feel like. They can be excruciating! Normally, I would get myself to the doctor for antibiotic drops STAT however it was Sunday. I was no way no how going to the emergency room for an ear infection, so I did what I could to patch myself up at home. If it wasn't better by today, I planned to see a doc.   To that, I added a prayer to my deities and a promise of a half a bottle of sparkling grape juice (I normally offer a few ounces every week) and this was accepted. I got the feeling that it was accepted immediately, and lo and behold, this morning, my ear was feeling much better and continued to get better throughout the day. (Keeping in mind, that it had gotten bad enough that it *doesn't* improve with home remedies. It was well beyond "I feel one coming on" and had gotten into "definitely infected" territory).   As promised, I poured the half bottle (more than that, actually) into my libation bowl on my altar. A whole bottle wouldn't have fit even; the bowl was quite full. I said a few quick words of thanks and left it on my altar for a few hours. After that, I planned to take it outside and pour it into the ground; I don't like to leave juices on my altar overnight they tend to turn sour.   I *planned* to take it outside; here's what really happened:   I picked up the bowl, and took it out of my room, as usual. I started to walk down the steps, carefully (!) carrying the bowl. Halfway down the steps, I slipped. Classic, feet in the air, flat on my ass, butt plant in the middle of the stairs. A veritable fountain of grape juice all OVER the stairs. All OVER the walls. All OVER my clothes, AND my head. I screamed and sat there quite stunned for a moment. Commenced swearing. Got up, started scrubbing as best I could, the grape juice out of the stairs and off the walls. Pour what's left of grape juice outside. Come inside, change clothes, take a second shower, wash grape stained clothes.   Whoever decided that stairs should be carpeted must DIE I tell you!!! Fortunately the carpet is old, ugly, patterned and pretty non-stainable. Nothing will show up on it.   I don't know what hurts worse; my ass or having to clean up the mess!!   So who did I piss off?

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Wonderful Weekend

The weather is freakin' gorgeous! 70+ degrees and sun, AND I had off all weekend! On saturday my mom and I went shopping, and then we went out to dinner with her friend. I had a great time, and I really enjoyed getting to spend time with my mom (we rarely have a day off together). On sunday I spent some time outside, in the woods, meditating. I wrote my "rite of passage" ritual that I'm going to use when I go to MN, and I talked to the people I'm going to be staying with on the phone for about 3 hours. They are really cool. Al (the blacksmith) had me in stitches laughing the whole time, he's a hoot!   My dad is being a donkey's behind about my going to MN. You see, the guy I'm staying with has PTSD, and my dad is of course saying nothing but "he's crazy as a loon!". I know my dad is overreacting. I think he just wants out of any involvement in this. No matter; I've pretty much decided on taking a train to MN, and made some arrangements from that end. All that matters is if I catch the train up here, or go all the way down there to catch one so that he can come with. Personally I'm leaning towards the former, based on his reaction. He even sent me an article from MSN news about cyber stalkers...forgetting of course that I've been corresponding with these people for two years before they even HAD a working computer!! I really don't want a how many hour? really awkward train ride with my dad.   Today I'm going to stop by my friend's before work. I spoke to her for a long while on the phone last weekend, and I'm going to stop by to see her on my way to work.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Where Have I Been?

It HAS been a while. My presence on all of my 'usual hangouts' has been greatly reduced. I'm sure you guys know that I've been struggling with some sort of depression...so here's the REST of the story.   I'd been slowly 'losing my grip' for months now. Most noticeably since Christmas, when I started having panic attacks. Well, about a month ago I guess it was now, a very dear friend of mine became ill (he has a chronic illness) and was in the hospital for a time. Then I stopped hearing from him. Turns out, he was busy with work, but that is NOT what I was thinking. Mind, I was already 'losing it' and this was a LONG time in coming. But for three days about a month ago, I was in such a bad way that I nearly called off work to check myself into a psych ward. About a week after that, I nearly didn't make it OUT of the bathtub one Saturday night.   I finally got the nerve to talk to my mom about it, and it turns out that this is largely genetic. Everyone from my great grandmother straight down the line has some sort of anxiety disorder. My great grandmother and grandmother are both on medication.   Picking up the phone to call the counseling center was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.   So these past few weeks I've been trying to hold it together, trying to apply for Medicaid, and all that happy horse crap.   Now for the better news:   I met with my therapist for the first time on Wednesday, and I have a partial diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder. She asked me how I felt about medication, and I said that I'm not drastically opposed to it (I used to be...but that first week changed my mind) but I would rather try other things first. I am going to be doing cognitive behavioral therapy (I only have a vague idea of what that is.)   It's REALLY scary for me to talk to a therapist. I think I talked her head off just because I was so nervous...I am hoping that next appointment will go better, because, well, I'm scared. LOL   My next appointment isn't until March 13th, but I do have some homework and I'm getting along alright.   The best part is, I am not paying a dime for my treatment. The county is paying for it all.   I'm feeling wordy today, so I am jumping back into the forums a bit.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Wheel of the Year

I finished this, finally, in about 10 hours of work. There's a lot more symbolism in it than I intended...actually the unintended stuff seems to be the more meaningful. I made this to use with Runic divination.  

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

What The....? Lmao

Hehe well, I was shooting my bow again today and I seem to have developed muscles faster than I could have hoped. My fourth day shooting it and since yesterday I have managed to get two more inches of draw. (and shooting this bow is stopping the "clicking" that my shoulder had been doing when I moved it. The compound bow seemed to make it worse, but its drastically improving now...I guess because of the strengthened muscles. Somehow I don't even get stiff arms )I don't know how this happened, but I missed the bales (no big deal, I do that all the time). On the next shot, the arrow hit with a distinctive metallic "clink" and an arrow came flying, nockless, back towards me (about twelve feet back). Somehow I missed, twice in the same spot, shot my own arrow, and the arrow that got shot, not the one that hit it, came flying back. Except for a missing nock, both arrows are unharmed. Lightning never strikes twice, right? I had been missing one of my arrows that had gone into the bushes and I could not find it. I fired another one. "Clink". What the? I did it AGAIN! Same thing! Only, this time the arrow did not fly as far back. I found my missing arrow though. Except for the missing nocks though (which I've replaced) the arrows are fine.[edit] today I found a giant rock buried under the ground behind the target. It was still pretty weird though, especially the second time when I found my missing arrow...and the one that I found in the bushes was right where I had looked before and found no arrow...I also can't figure how bouncing off a rock would break the nocks. (I also have to find a way to get a broken nock off of an arrow lol)

Guest

Guest

 

What a Week!

All in all this week wasn't too bad; but these past two days nearly killed me. Friday was the grand opening for Subway, and we were absolutely slammed. It nearly killed us. We were so busy we couldn't keep up, and there were at least 14 of us working. The people were lined up nearly out the door, for hours on end. It was nuts, but we made it. I got my picture with the Shell race car, and a picture of the rather perverted looking neon sign in front of my store. I'm sending them to my dad.   Saturday wasn't nearly so busy, but my coworker was having a conniption and nearly walked out, after calling every manager AND the district manager, over a fight with one of our coworkers (it was a stupid fight to. The girl was WAY out of line, and the other called her on it, which caused her to decide to walk out mid-shift.) Things are smoothed over now, but it made the night pretty darn stressful. I'm hoping by the time I go back to work on Tuesday it will be taken care of.   I also think I'm getting sick. Everything is going around, and the last thing I need is to get sick for my trip. I'm drinking thyme tea every day and taking zinc supplements. Thank gods I have the next two days off; if they try to call me in, the phone will be unhooked. I'm sleeping till noon tomorrow.   I got my train tickets, so I don't have to worry about them being lost in the mail anymore. And I found $50 I didn't know I had, when I was cleaning out my lock box. Perfect timing. I received an invite to the History Book Club today, which I plan on joining (four books for a buck each, and they have really cool books!) so I should have reading material; if not by the time I go to MN, by the time I get back and get a better job that allows me time to do things (I hate working third shift; "mornings" suck because I'm getting ready for work, and don't have time to get started on much, and "evenings" are very late at night, so I end up going to bed as soon as I can.)   TWO MORE WEEKS!!   If I got through Friday, and today, I can get through anything!

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

What a Week

On Monday I summoned up my courage and asked for (and got!) a raise, and more hours. That turned into more stress than I needed, but alls well that ends well, and I did get a raise and more hours (and the increase from my old weekly income is going to go right into my savings.)   It took me most of the week but I found a DSL provider, for less than I actually expected to pay! I ended up going with the phone company, which I DIDN'T want to do for various reasons, but I did have to as Verizon wasn't available here. I think I made out OK.   I also ordered a new Dell Inspiron 1525 laptop. I think it will be here this week, I hope. It has an integrated webcam and I upgraded the battery. I've wanted a laptop for years, but I never had a reason to have one. Now I do (more on that later) and I am getting a big tax refund, so I went and did it.   The DSL will be installed on Wednesday. I hope all goes well. I'm a little worried since I cannot be there when they install it, and my mom doesn't know anything at all about computers. I also have a therapy session on Wednesday, hopefully, if it doesn't get canceled again. At this point it's just a hassle and I'm not entirely looking forward to it.   I'm thinking this week will be another busy week for me, and I hope it's not as interesting as last week. *laughs*   Yesterday I set up a blog for my Cill work: Keeping Brighid's Flame. I've invited any of the Cill members who want to join me in posting there to do so. No one has been added yet, but I have at least one other person who will join.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

What a Day!

Well, my hands are blistered, and my heels are blistered (boots not broke in), I've spark burns on my arms and I'm covered in all sorts of filth...   I finished my first blade today. Not my first successful blade, the first one EVER...and it was successful. Not perfect, but really not bad at all for a first try. I'm absolutely stoked.   I'm so happy to be here now, it feels almost like I've lived here all of my life. I had a great discussion with Kathy last night about energy, past lives, etc. She understands about *everything* I never discuss except for anonymously online. It's GREAT to be able to have a face-to-face conversation about that stuff.   Dinner is almost done, I'm running off!

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Well, My Weekend Is Ruined

So on Easter we went to my grandma's for dinner. My gram had a stomach virus and was not feeling well, but my mom thought it was "side effects" from all the meds she's taking. Yea, well, "side effects" are not contagious. Last night I spent the whole night puking my guts out...amoung other things. I couldn't sleep a wink. I spent half the night eating popsicles because they were the only source of water that I (thought) I could get to stay where it was supposed to. Of course I threw them up all over the kitchen floor, but at least some of it got into my system. Dehydration sucks. I've now *attempted* to drink some regular juice (I've no spit left so with the popsicles I kept swallowing air. not good) and I'm hoping I don't throw that up as well. Man, am I ever thirsty and I can't drink say, a whole quart of juice in 10 seconds either like i'd like axiously awaiting mom to bring home that ginger ale   I was going to paint my room this weekend but it's raining, and my mom won't be home. Bah. So that will be put off until I don't even know when...   I'm probably going to miss school monday, I can't imagine being able to eat by then. That majorly sucks...because I have an art project that pretty much has to be done monday. There's no real leeway because its a clay project and getting close to the art show.   On a positive note, I've started a copper and brass sculpture in shop class. I hope it turns out as well as I envision lol It's really fun to work on though

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Well I've done it again

I've gone and created another blog. This is blog #8...my friends all think I've totally lost it.   I guess I truly am a blogger at heart. Plus, wordpress is entirely too much fun.   So without further ado, I give you: Tranquil Mayhem.   I posted a recipe for an awesome (and awesomely simple) hair/body/lip balm. I love this stuff. I'm currently ordering supplies to make even more.   I'm doing alright, today. Actually had a good day...it's the first day in at least a week that I've actually been able to relax, at least some what. Lately I have been literally incapable of relaxing, which really sucks. Anxiety is evil and vicious. I have my next appointment with the therapist on the 18th...my appointment got moved back due to scheduling difficulties.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Welding

Is turning out to be a lot easier especially now that I have a helmet that works properly. Al's helmet is way too big for me, and I had to hold it on, opera-glasses style. My new one is MINE and it's auto-darkening. No more "blind tack welding".   I'm currently working on some Oblisk lawn ornaments. This is actually really fun.   I haven't been this content or "mellow" in a long time. I used to be a complete spaz, but I'm not anymore. It's wonderful.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Ugh

My birthday dinner...sucked. We got to the restaurant to find a note on the door "As of Feb. 26 we will be closed on Mondays." Just my luck. It's nearly a forty minute drive to the next nearest eating spot, and I am carsick. Have been nauseous since an hour before leaving. Come home from dinner and am very dizzy, can't even sit up let along stand. I flip out at my mom for smoking in the house again, as it makes me sick and causes my throat to burn.   She blames blood sugars. I blame the flu that's going around. I only worked three hours today, and that was because there was no one to cover for me until 5:30. I woke up this morning at 8:30 and couldn't stand to be in bed anymore...it seems to have gone directly into my chest.   When I got to work I was feeling much better, but it got worse from there. By the end of my three hours I was about ready to drop; I was more than a little thankful for it to be over.   I have to work tomorrow, and Saturday and Sunday too. I'm going to bed, hoping that I am well enough tomorrow to pull of a Friday shift without issue. Mom has taken to smoking in the basement but I can still smell the smoke; it's making my nose itch unbelievably. I do not understand how *anyone* can even consider liking those awful commercial cigs.   My schedule doesn't suck so much this week. Three more days and I get two days off in a row. YAY! I'm hoping I will be well by then; the only thing worse than having to work when you're sick, is suffering through your days off with the flu.   I'm feeling :stretcher:. I would like to be :drunk:.

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Twelve Commandments

A member of a pagan forum I frequent asked us to "rewrite" the Ten Commandments as they would be for our beliefs, if we had "commandments". This, of course, was an opportunity that I could not pass up. I have twelve just to be different   It made me think anyay. My Twelve Commandments:  

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

 

Tomorrow Is Friday :)

Well, I'm finished the last book assigned for English (well actually the assigned portion of it) and so I only need to finish The Mill on the Floss for an assigned review for English. I'm getting rather bored with that book, as it is so long. I can't wait to start Simon Scarrow's book, which I will be reviewing for this site and perhaps will start it this weekend, hopefully after getting the review done for English. I hope it is considerably more exciting than a 500-something page novel about family life in..."old time" England (I forget the *correct* time period but it's rather not modern lol) I suspect it won't take me very long to finish Under the Eagle as I'm sure it's rather fast paced, and far more interesting. Not to mention, not as long   Today was rather interesting, I managed to pull something in my neck before ever even getting out of bed. I heard the muscle "snap" and have been walking around with my head cocked to the side all day. It's a little better now, lol I can mostly move it without pain. I'm glad I heal fast. lol I'm wondering if people were wondering what was wrong with me.   I threw my atlatl darts for the first time in Shop class, and my metal shop teacher (who had never thrown atlatl before) wanted to try. He got great distance, but the problem was, he threw the atlatl along with the dart It messed up my thrower (cosmetic defect, nothing major) but it was totally hilarious. And the wood shop teacher (who had been the one to help me with the project) got it on "film" (digital "film")   Mr. D wants me to make him some metal flowers to use as a sample, and I'm excited about that, because I was sort of looking for something to do for the last few weeks, and those are fun to make. Mine are sitting in the middle of my dining room table

Lost_Warrior

Lost_Warrior

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