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GhostOfClayton's Twice Fortnightly Blog

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Thank God for pagan holidays and anti-catholicism

Picture caption: This stuff about dressing up at Halloween? It's for the kids, isn't it?   DocOfLove's recent blog entry got me thinking about Halloween, and just how much it has changed over the past dozen years or so (in the UK, at least). When I was a kid, my parents used to say, "it's Halloween tonight," make a silly ghost noise, and that was about all the notice anyone took. Then, a Charlie Brown cartoon was aired showing Charlie and the gang dressing up in diabolic costumes, and knocking

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Slo-Mo

Heard of Movember? Here�s a quick explanation, but if you�d like more detail, have a look at www.movember.com. Movember is a charitable organisation that hopes to encourage as many men as possible to grow a moustache (or Mo, for short) during the month of November. Mo-vember, geddit? The idea is so that funds can be raised, and awareness made for Men�s Health Issues (or, as a less reputable colleague referred to them, "Bloke cancer, rather than chick cancer"). His misogynism is factually, if not

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Let the games begin . . .

Welcome One and All to the GhostOfClayton extremely occasional blog. Are you all sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.   I know that, looking at me, you wouldn�t think it, but I�m not a drinker. Not absolutely tee total, but only drink socially and very occasionally. So, on Saturday night, after a very small amount of beer, I found myself quite tipsy. Myself and Mrs OfClayton had been invited round by the brother and sister out-law to watch the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games. Di

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Rest In Peace

Getting on the internet has been very problematic recently, but hopefully I�ll manage to get this blog up posted, just to prove to you all that I�m still alive.�   RIP The-Man-Who-Lived-At-The-End-Of-My-Garden I rushed home last Thursday to attend the funeral of the man who lives at the end of our garden (he wasn�t a hermit who�d moved in near my blackberry bush � it�s more accurate to say his garden can be accessed via the end of my garden.)� Anyway, I know that no-one who reads this blog kn

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Here they come, the beautiful ones.

Prof Brian 'All the guys want to be him, all the girls want to be with him' Cox   I mentioned in my last blog that the excellent Stargazing Live program started on the BBC on Monday night. It was a treat for us all. For the comedy fans, there was both the towering genius that is Dara O�Briain, and the much underrated Andy Nyman. For pretty much everyone, there was Prof Brian �All the guys want to be him, all the girls want to be with him� Cox. For fans of people who have 'the right stuff', pre

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Quantum jump

I�ll start with a seemingly random series of stuff that�s happened (or is going to happen) to me, and then explain their relevance.   Number 1. I spent much of December sitting behind a desk. The downside is apparent to anyone who has to sit behind a desk. The upside is that I got paid for it, and so am now the proud owner of some money.   Number 2. Every Christmas, Kindle have an event called The 12 Days of Kindle. This involves reducing the price of many great titles to (usually) 99p. A ti

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

"Oi, Fatso!"

Chunky, yet hunky!   I am hugely, vastly, monstrously, obesely, humongously overweight! My arse is becoming increasingly more magnificent by the month, and I reluctantly have to admit that my paunch has 'death in service' written all over it (metaphorically, not in the form of a tattoo; that would be odd. I seriously need to do something about this, and the time I need to do something about it is now. I can no longer keep saying Future OfClayton should go on a diet, the fat git! Past OfClayton

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Hallo. Hoe gaat het?

It has been an interesting and busy week:   Green Lantern The previous Thurday night � I went to a friend�s house and watched the recent Green Lantern film on DVD. Now, I�m far from a superhero/comic book geek, and most of these type of films interest me only in as much as any mildly entertaining action adventure film might. However, I found Green Lantern to be a wonderful film, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Don�t be put off if these sort of things aren�t your usual cup of tea.   Dee � Eye � E

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Wales

Overlay a right-angled triangle on a map of Wales, and something interesting happens . . . .

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Reggae in the seven foot never caught on

I had a great weekend, but to tell you why, I will have to tell you a little local history. There is an entertainment venue in the north of England called Scunthorpe Baths. It gained notoriety in the mid 70s following by Jasper Carrott OBE, a renowned comedian that we never seem to hear of anymore, sadly. Watch the link - you won't regret it.  Basically, Scunthorpe had an old, ornate Baths Hall dating from 1931. Lovely place to swim. The council cleverly realised that on Saturday nights, no

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

I see no reason the gunpowder treason will ever be forgot

So, it�s that time of year where most of the population of England get together in order to burn an effigy of a Catholic. This has caused me quite a bit of bother this year, all due to a chain of events that can be traced unbroken back to the sad passing of OfClayton Snr. a few months ago.   Those of you who, like me, are now effectively orphaned will know that the first big task, once the funeral is behind you, is clearing your parents� house of a lifetime�s worth of accumulated clutter. When

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

It was a hot afternoon, last day in June

Warning: The following blog contains strong language, and scenes of a sexual nature.   But first up, more from the iPod:   2-4-6-8 Motorway � Tom Robinson Woo Hoo � The 5-6-7-8�s (Weird coincidence, given the previous track?) Up the Junction � Squeeze This Town Ain�t Big Enough � Sparks Summer (the First Time) � Bobby Goldsboro   I love "Summer (The First Time)", maybe because it's every man's fantasy first time, eh lads? Mrs Robinson, and all that . . . YOU know what I mean. Whereas,

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Crowded skies

This morning I found myself in a very strange meeting. In order to tell you why, I'm going to have to give you a little history lesson, so get comfortable . . . there may even be a test later!   The quiet little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans was not always so quiet. During the war, there was much activity in the skies above it, and the drone of low-flying heavy bomber engines would be a regular event. The reason was that the village lies on the top of a steep escarpment overlooking an area of

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Who killed Bambi?

'Probably me', would be the answer to that question. On Wednesday night I was driving past a wood just outside the sleepy little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans. A movement just outside the field of my headlights caught my eye, and before I could react, a deer leaped out onto the road and in front of the car. Thud! . . and then a 'thud-thud' as it went under each of the right hand wheels. That gets the heart beating, let me tell you.   What do you do after you've hit a deer? This is a different

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Like a circle in a spiral

I just can't understand why wind turbines cause such controversy. OfClayton Towers is located right on the southern edge of the sleepy little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans. It's next to a field, on an escarpment top facing over the Vale of York (an almost totally flat area stretching to the west as far as the eye can see), so although it�s unlikely to be the site of wind turbines, it wouldn�t be completely out of the question.   If I were to make a list of all the things I wouldn't want place

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Those about to plumb salute you

Over the August Bank Holiday, Wroxeter Roman City were holding a Gladiatorial Re-enactment event. Ever since the villa was built for the excellent �Rome Wasn�t Built in a Day�, I�ve been promising myself a re-visit, so Mrs. OfClayton and myself (recent English Heritage members) decided to take the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. How glad we were that we did!     Despite a tiny bit of early drizzle, the weather cheered up leaving a dry afternoon for the fighting. I�d managed to

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Welcome to the digital age

Mrs OfClayton and myself would like to take this opportunity to announce to you all a happy event. Yes, there has been a joyous new arrival at OfClayton Towers. I'll tell you the story. . .   In the UK, we're undergoing the big 'digital switchover'. One by one, the old analogue channels are stopping broadcasting, leaving us with only the digital channels. The telly at ofClayton Towers is very, very old, and unsurprisingly has no digital tuner in it. I have been waiting many years for it to bre

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Any old iron?

I have been away from the sleepy little village of Aquis-Of-The-Romans for a while, but I returned to find there had been shinanegans aplenty in my absence.   It started one morning at about 3:00am, when many residents noticed a short ring from their phones. They awoke the following morning to find the phone lines dead. Investigation revealed that this was the case for every phone line in the village!   One resident, (probably more than one) went through the lengthy and difficult procedure o

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

A pint? That's very nearly an arm full.

Hello all, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Little warning: some of it may contain �adult themes�, but all in a proper, medical context.   A letter arrived on the doormat here at OfClayton Towers last week, and I recognised it straight away. It had a cute little anthropomorphised blood drop (who I understand to be called Billy) on the back, and I have had one of these every three months for about the last five or six years. It was the notification that the time had arr

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

I'm not a racist, but . . . .

I'm not a racist, but . . . I am totally hung up with the thought that someone might think I am. It's almost like a mini-obsession. It would be the worst thing in my little world if anyone else (especially someone belonging to an ethnic minority) got an impression that I might be. And I think the majority of white English folk are just the same as me.   It would be all well and good if this hang up didn't affect our behaviour, but it does. There's a bit of an urban legend that someone went int

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

We sing from the diaphragm a lot

Hello fan(s) of the GhostOfClayton Twice Fortnightly Blog. The first bit is more of the usual, but the last part consists of me ranting like a Guardianista, so please feel to ignore it if you feel put off or offended by that kind of stuff.   I shall taunt you a second time Some of you may remember that, a few blogs ago, it was announced at Mrs OfClayton's place of work that the overall personnel numbers in her office had to be reduced by 50%. After a bit of frantic work on complex excel sprea

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

A wasted youth

Incidentally, the title of this blog refers not to some drunken adolescent, but the frittering away of one's formative years. It's a phrase often associated with the game of snooker, and is certainly true in my case. more on that later.   A stroke of luck The day of the Royal Wedding found me staying just outside the oldest town in Britain (which is Colchester). Over breakfast, we'd had the telly on, and inevitably it was wall-to-wall coverage of the lead up to the big 'I do'. This seemed to

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Back in the UK now.   After a long and tiring day on Saturday spent on the French TGV, the EuroStar, and then the East Coast Main Line, I had one day's rest . . . which I spent doing laundry, shopping, ironing, cutting the grass, etc., etc.   On Monday I found that I had agreed to do some voluntary work for one of the RSPB reserves that line the Humber Estuary. An interesting day. The reserve own a flock of Hebridean sheep     which require regular maintenance, and today was the day the

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

I'm quite cross so I warn you, the language might be quite fruity . . .

. . . so stop reading now if you're likely to be offended or are under 18. I haven't been this cross since my "I'll stick to buying only one cake" blog entry. Here's the story:   The Ghostmobile is due for its annual MOT test by the end of the month (for anyone not familiar, the MOT is a sort of safety inspection that all UK motor vehicles must undergo each year, otherwise, they�re not allowed to travel on the country�s road network). Most motor vehicle owners dread this time of the year, due

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

An Englishman in New York

I need a little break from doing research, so here I am, blogging. If you read my last blog, you�d know that I shall be doing a �gig� in The Big Apple in May. Doing tours for the first time is always a frustrating experience. You can�t give �oh, it�s my first time� as an excuse to a group who have each parted with a significant wedge of cash. You need to arrive knowing the place like the back of your hand, as if you�d lived there all your life, having made friends of all the contacts long before

GhostOfClayton

GhostOfClayton

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