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Gaius Paulinus Maximus

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Blog Entries posted by Gaius Paulinus Maximus

  1. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
    right and you need to shut up.
    2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
    Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
    minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
    3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
    you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end
    in Fine.
    4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
    5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
    often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
    and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
    about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
    6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
    can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
    before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
    7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just
    say you're welcome.
    8. Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
    9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement,
    meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
    now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?"
    For the woman's response refer to #3.
    C'mon ladies, how many of you are guilty of these??
  2. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
    2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
    3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
    4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle?
    5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
    6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
    7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
    8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
    9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
    10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
    11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
    12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
    13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
    14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
    15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
    16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
    17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
    18. TAKING OUT
  3. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    I recently took my family to the annual children's Roman festival at the Birdoswald Fort on Hadrians Wall, it's a great day out for the kids, they get the chance to join the Roman army, dress up as legionnaires, they go through training, marching, singing Roman songs and then end up in a battle against some invading barbarians (aka the dads). They get to race chariots at the the Circus Minimus, the game involves rolling a dice to move around the track, the winners are rewarded with a genuine (chocolate) gold coin. There's roman board games to play and they can also have a go at weaving and making pottery. There's also plenty to do for the grown ups as well, there's people giving talks about all he different aspects of Roman life, there's a medics tent with all the ancient surgical field equipment, there's a legionary talking about life on Hadrian's wall and plus to cap it all off you have the Fort and the Wall to wander around at you leisure.
    Here's a picture of my little legionary...
    Take a look at my gallery for more pics.
  4. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    As most of you already know, my beautiful , gorgeous, sexy wife :wub: got me the best present ever.....A trip to Rome for my 30th birthday, well to say I was chuffed to bits would be a serious understatement, I've actually been to Rome before but that was on a football trip to watch Leeds Utd v AS Roma in the Champions League, yes that's right, Leeds were once a good team! But anyway as it was a football trip the only sights I got to see were the inside's of the bars and tavern's.
    Anyway this time I wanted to see everything, well as much as we could cram into two full days. We had a good flight time so we were in our hotel for about 10:30 which by the way was absolutely fantastic, it was called Hotel Fortyseven and was located on the Via Petroselli just adjacent to the Tiber island and within spitting distance of the Forum and Colosseum. I would recommend this hotel to anyone, it is a bit pricey but in my opinion well worth the money.
    Day 1
    We set off armed with a street map of Rome and a good guide book, We'd decided not to go straight to the forum, Colosseum and Palatine area's first and save that for the day after so we could get an early start at it, so we set off in the opposite direction and headed toward the Pantheon. On the way there we came across Piazza Navona which for those who don't know was once the grandstand of the stadium of Domitian and is now a piazza with shops, caf
  5. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    On Friday I went to a charity boxing event in the beautiful coastal town( not!) of Hull, me and a group of friends did our best James Bond impressions and got fully tuxedoed up and descended upon the Hull Arena for an evening of merriment. The night began with a three course meal which was OK (nothing special really) then there were three kick-boxing bouts, one of which was for the British Championship, there was a stand-up comedian who was very funny, and a group of singers who were like ' IL Divo' (four good looking blokes with operatic voices singing Pavarotti.....not really my cup of tea!). Then it was time for the main event, since the charity night was in aid of, Steve Prescott a former Rugby League player who has cancer, the final fight of the night was between two current Great Britain players, Stuart Fielden of Wigan Warriors and Lee Radford of Hull fc and the fight was billed as.........The Rumble In The Humber !!!
    Radford won the fight quite easily by stopping Fielden in the second round. The whole night managed to raise
  6. Gaius Paulinus Maximus
    Well here go's!!!
    I've been a member of this forum for a while now and to be honest I've found it pretty hard going, not on the forums behalf but on mine,UNRV has been an absolute godsend, my problem is that i find it difficult to put my thoughts onto paper(as such), my knowledge of ancient Rome is pretty good on the whole but when it comes down to putting it all down on the screen i just seem to turn into a dyslexic buffoon , why, i don't know? (any thoughts??)
    I don't know why i became intrested in Roman history, i can't pin point the actual moment when i thought " yeah, thats intersting i think i'll look into that a bit more" it's not like i've been brought up on it or anything, not one member of my family (past or present) gives a flying f*** about what happened thousands of years ago, but for some strange reason i do!
    Everybody say Awwwwww,
    That's the self pity over with, i'll now tell you about my day.
    It started at 06:30 this morning when my beautiful daughter Isabel (20mths) woke up in her usual butter woudn't melt mood, which proceeded in waking my other daughter Madison (5 next month) ( yes i know what your thinking , poor bloke , a minority of 3:1 in his own house (if you count the hamsters then it's 5:1!), puberty to go through, two weddings to pay for etc etc haha hehe, i'm not laughing!!!!!!!!!) and to add to the fact that the wife went out on the town last nite with her friends (which my friends and i call 'The Cauldron Club') and was suffering from a severe hangover then my day is looking pretty bleak.
    As it turns out it was a pretty enjoyable day, i took the girls to dance class, which p***** me off a bit because thats mum's job ( but she was currently attached to the toilet) so daddy saved the day :king:
    As soon as we got home i sorted the girls out with some dinner then put the footbal on T.V. (Leeds got beat by the way .... again) ,got plenty of toys out for the dominilla's and proceeded to enjoy the rest of our afternoon. After many hours of football, games of Guess Who (xmas pressie), dressing dolls!!! and the odd can of amber necter i.e lager, 18:30 arrived, hallelujah, bath time!
    Quick bath, brush of the teeth and bedtime ahhhhhhhh thought it would never arrive ( by the way, the wife is still in bed!!!!)
    Downstairs opened a very expensive bottle of red wine i recieved as a xmas present and very slowly and enjoyably sloped into a state of intoxication i very much deserved!