Diurinal Journal - Me.
Entry posted by Gaius Octavius
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Some month or so ago, the computer commenced to really ail. It would take the quarter hour to pass from hither to thither. Gaius sat at the computer for so many hours that his legs commenced to fill with water. Quack forbid computer and ordered the Presence to go horizontal. Also ordered 'water' pills. Just what I need! During a hiatus from the horizontal, I chanced upon a private message from a Roman friend, one Pertinax. I thought it only mete and just that I refurbish my beaker with a refreshment in his honour prior to replying. The first few steps were peaceful. It was when I hit the rug that things went awry. Made a perfect seven point landing. Widow's peak, hands, elbows and knees. Wrists required splints. Have a nice little dot on headquarters. How I missed wrecking the coffee table with my head, is a matter beyond my competence. It was a miracle that the beak didn't get smashed. Have a map of Australia on my rib cage and one of Cyprus on my arm.
One of our Sacred Circle made out that he could cure the computer. Out with Millennium, in with XP. No help. Another of our Circle suggested a new computer. Done! An HP something or other with a giant flat screen. Feels as if I am sitting in the first row of a movie theatre. Computer can do most anything. Flush the toilet. Open the door. Make coffee. Couldn't convince it to do computering though. Bride rang up HP for assistance. Gets Punjob Pati. They babble on for about an hour to no successful conclusion. The speakers on this machine, when fully charged, operate at a mite less than a whisper. Of a sudden, the god-Consul sees Consort put the phone to the side of the screen. Gaius go ga-ga! Manhandles air-phone and curses out Punjob Pati. She thanks me for my observations. Then it is off to Costco. These guys actually knew what they were about. Told us the speakers actually 
Censored and to use the old ones. They were very nice and patient. The remaining problem was the DSL modem. It seems that the one we had would not marry up with the new computer. Probably Catholic. Off to Verizon. Nice guy tells Claudia that old modem is not compatible with new computer. Go to this number and they will ship the proper one to you FREE OF ANY Gaius! CHARGE, and since your Lord and Master is a basket case, get it to you over night. Not so maintains the number. Yew don't have a Verizon modem. Yeah, what's this I am holding in my hand? Why have I been paying yew for service lo these seven years? Behold a miracle! Modem appears at Dusthaven the very next morning! Packing slip has zero charges on it! Claudia and Gaius celebrate with breakfast. But then telephone bill comes, and surprise. Gaius now doing battle with Be Nice, Cecil at Verizon. The thing about these Oh God! children is that they can ruin your credit at their pleasure. Can't do likewise to those children of perfidy. Just wait until Verizon tries to put FIOS in our building. Claudia is the duly elected prez and Gaius is her guiding hand. Will the Presence win the WAR with Ivan Sidenberg?
Anyway, as you can plainly see, Cecil is now playing with his computer. It is Cecil's fondest desire, now that all has been revealed, that My Lord of the Weeds will not take umbrage permanent for Capt. Blackaddre's tardy response.
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