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Monday Cars


caldrail

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I like cars. Especially the fast ones. No, thats not right...

 

I like fast cars. Especially the very fast ones. Yep, thats right.

 

But not all of them. For various reasons, either the aesthetics, personal experience, or the revealing reviews of driving journalists, there are bound to be those I don't regard as worthy. Take the Lamborghini Gallardo for instance. Now italian supercars fire my blood yet last year one trundled past me in town. A white convertible owned by a local man and it looked simply awful. Certainly you noticed it - you couldn't fail to do that - but it looked cheap and boxy, there was none of the lamborghini WWOWWWWWWWW!!!! factor. I decided I didn't like it. As for driving one, erm, that might not happen tomorrow anyway....

 

A couple of days ago I wandered through a car park on my way to the local supermarket. And there it was. A slate grey (or perhaps unwashed black) Lamborghini Gallardo convertible and it looked sensational. WWOWWWWWWWW!!! Ok, for a moment I was twelve years old again. But isn't that what these cars are supposed to be about? And isn't it strange what a difference the colour made. White is currently a fashionable colour for sports cars (my rusting Eunos is, by strange coincidence), yet it just wasn't the colour for that Lambo. In dark paint, it looked menacing and evil and covered in saliva... oops, sorry about that, hope no-one noticed.... Such italianate pornography is what fires my blood. For me, driving a Ford Mondeo has got to be such a mind numbing experience. Even the name bores me, I mean, its the Ford Monday. Car names are daft aren't they? Vauxhall use names ending in 'ra'. Vectra.. Tigra... Makes them sound eciting doesn't it? At least Ford are more honest about their model names. Well, since ordinary cars are just too ordinary to bare, I shall wait until Ford produce the Frideo and hopefully that'll be worth driving.

 

Rear wheel drive please Mr Ford. Don't like those silly hatchback things.

 

This Weeks Red tape

Another letter in the post... More proofs required... Oh good grief I've submitted this stuff twice already. Off to the bank, persuade them to copy the information - again - and represent it at the benefits office.

 

"Ahhh... Mr Caldrail... We do need the previous months as well.."

 

WHAT?!!

 

Back to the bank then... I wonder if you can get free footwear from the government if you're unemployed. Or headache pills...

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Maybe that's why I wait in anticipation for Mondays...that's when Top Gear comes on BBC America. Even if I don't understand half of what they're talking about, I just want to look at the pretty cars...and dream that I'll be driving them. *sigh*

 

I know car companies change the names of cars, as well as offer different ones, depending on the country market. For those who don't know, it looks like this--aka the Contour for us North American peoples. Although officially the Mondeo is derived from the Latin mundus 'world'...not that one would know that looking at it.

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Good grief Doc, if you want o post photos of cars at least post an interesting one... feeling sleepy... mondeo.... dull.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Ahhh Caldrail, now your talking.

 

On Friday morning I was working at a Petrol station in Hyde, Manchester when a midnight blue Lamborghini Gallardo rolled in to fill up, now everyone who was at the garage stopped what they were doing and just stared at the car for a few minutes then looked at each other and nodded their heads in appreciation.

 

The car was out of this world and when I win the lottery next Saturday I'll be driving a Lamborghini Sunday morning!

 

Incidentally because the car was so beautiful nobody noticed who the driver was until the last minute, It was James Beattie, for those of you who don't know, he's a professional footballer now playing for Sheffield Utd.

 

After he'd drove away and everything had returned to normal I had a walk over to the pump and had a look at how much It had cost to fill up that dream car............

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Ahhh Caldrail, now your talking.

 

On Friday morning I was working at a Petrol station in Hyde, Manchester when a midnight blue Lamborghini Gallardo rolled in to fill up, now everyone who was at the garage stopped what they were doing and just stared at the car for a few minutes then looked at each other and nodded their heads in appreciation.

 

The car was out of this world and when I win the lottery next Saturday I'll be driving a Lamborghini Sunday morning!

 

Incidentally because the car was so beautiful nobody noticed who the driver was until the last minute, It was James Beattie, for those of you who don't know, he's a professional footballer now playing for Sheffield Utd.

 

After he'd drove away and everything had returned to normal I had a walk over to the pump and had a look at how much It had cost to fill up that dream car............

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Pay attention, you young unblooded chippies:

 

After 25 years, my Bride finally took the Imperial Chariot on a trip to Costco - alone. She was instructed to get the tire pressure checked. A mob gathered to admire said Chariot. One of the peasants harked out: "Now, that is an automobile!" As I once told y'all, when I cruise down the motor ways with my Stetson and monocle on, I can hear passerbys, in such ugly trash as Mercedes, scream out to the old man: "You skell; why don't you get a good looking automobile like his? Get rid of that beard! We know that you are ugly!" :ph34r:

 

:thumbsup:

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yes.. but... it looks like a barge, handles like a barge on springs... and since when did the americans build a car that goes round corners?

 

A few years back I met a woman from Iowa, or Idaho, or Indiana, or somewhere flat and empty. The conversation got around to driving cars and I asked her what it was like for her to drive in Britain, thinking she'd talk about driving on the correct side of the road.

 

"(gaaaaaasp!)" She said, "You people are sooooo-Per-Meyen!"

 

Apparently she was very impressed by the sort of driving that now gets british citizens tarred and feathered. At a roundabout she sat there astonished whilst traffic buzzed round her oblivious to her presence, and quite unable to think and react quickly enough to slot into traffic.

 

She must be deaf too, because I cannot imagine she wasn't beeped at....

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yes.. but... it looks like a [PLEASURE] barge, handles like a [DREAM] barge on springs... and since when did the americans build a car that goes round corners? [From ~ 1920]

 

A few years back I met a woman from Iowa, or Idaho, or Indiana, or somewhere flat and empty. [First, America ends at the easterly shore of the Hudson River. Second, woemens should stick to sewing.]

 

Once got rear-ended by a jerk in an M convert. Have the most imperceptible dimple on the rear bumper. Entire plastic front end of M a complete mess. When some miscreant cuts off the I.C., it returns the compliment at half a yard. Messes up the :thumbsup:CENSORED :ph34r: day. The I.C would have no problem in a 'round-about'. The peasantry would make plenty of room as they stopped to admire an AUTOMOBILE!

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In blighty we get a few yank cars. They look awful. Aprt from those 70's muscle cars perhaps. But usually when a caddy the size of an articulated truck leans round the corner most people point derisively.

 

Funny thing, two mates of mine, jovial rogues by nature, were into fast cars in their younger days and once bought one of those massive cadillacs with wings. That evening they decided to show off their purchase to the neighbours and cruise around the block. They ran out of petrol three-quarters of the way round.

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In blighty we get a few yank cars. They look awful. Aprt from those 70's muscle cars perhaps. But usually when a caddy the size of an articulated truck leans round the corner most people point derisively. [Well, what can one expect from...?]

 

Funny thing, two mates of mine, jovial rogues by nature, were into fast cars in their younger days and once bought one of those massive cadillacs with wings. That evening they decided to show off their purchase to the neighbours and cruise around the block. They ran out of petrol three-quarters of the way round. [They got that far! A miracle!]

 

 

car-smiley-030.gif

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All I see is blank white screen. But then yanks like cruising in cars, we brits like driving them, so we need better suspensions and steering. Its a demonstrated fact that a little 1.8ltr Lotus Exige can take on a full bore Rousch Ford Mustang V8 muscle car and beat it.

 

Can't you just feel the smugness?

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Now we just need Jeremy and the boys to finish off this discussion!

 

Let me help you, DoLl. If any of 'the boys' see NY "SPQR" on the King's Highway, whilst fooling around in their Used Yugos, they had better steer clear. :ph34r:

 

BTW, C, what I enjoy seeing is someone tooling down the road in his speed 'sheen. Usually has a trooper on his tail; or is later seen in a ditch, on his roof, with the wheels spinning, and an ambulance coming. Most idiots only know how to step on the pedal. Things such as brakes, steering, tires, and suspensions never cross their brain cell. :yes:

 

:clapping:

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Driving at high speed is something that requires some skill, and in most cases isn't a clever choice to make. I have the luxury of years of experience of driving fast cars and got some training from race car instructors on the circuit. Notice that these instructors don't teach you to drive fast, they teach you to control the car at higher speeds.

 

A moving vehicle is a mass of dynamic forces and these require balancing with your control input. Steering, throttle, brakes are your input, but you also need to utilise the cars balance, position, direction, grip, weight distribution etc etc. It all takes practice because at high speed you cannot afford to wait and think about what you're doing - it needs to be an automatic reflex, and for that reason very few of us have the necessary skills to handle cars at speed (though we all like to think we can - and even I have to admit that I've never driven a car at 10/10ths).

 

For any given road situation, there is a margin of safety. As you increase speed, that margin shrinks, until at a certain speed there is no margin of safety anymore, and if something goes wrong at that speed, tough, because you will not be able to do anything about it.

 

This is why I say the Speed Doesn't Kill, even though the authorities in britian like to hammer the opposite into our heads. Its the decision to travel at an inapropriate speed in a given situation and possibly beyond your competence that causes accidents.

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Bingo!, C., and as I am sure that you are well aware, one must consider the condition of 'sheen, road, and person behind the wheel. Yet, that only accounts for the 'speeder' and not the idiot (me) ahead, alongside or behind. In NYC, we still have roads that were built for no more than 15-20 MPH. Race car drivers are driving under ideal known conditions with well tuned 'sheens and competitors. I'd bet that they are never pulled over - too ascared of the competition, which might have a pistola handy.

 

I used to teach 'driving'. I'd always tell the student that I could show him how to pass a driving test in a couple of hours, but that it would take him years to learn how to drive.

 

(P.S., I like your blog. Chance for an education and to have a little fun. Keep scribbling!)

 

:clapping:

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Wrong. Rules on the track are strict and drivers can be black-flagged - or ordered to pit.

 

Human psychology plays a large part in driving. What you say about experience is correct - absolutely - but that backs what I said about technique becoming second nature.

 

But as to psychology - we think we're great drivers don't we? Watch cars go by on a busy road. Nine times out of ten, the male driver has one hand on top of the steering wheel. Its an 'I'm in control' posture, and actually poor technique, especially when driving a vehicle at speed. Further, you get some people (mostly business managers - self important people) who regard speed as a sign of status.

 

Modern cars are very cossetting. They drive reasonably well, and feel safe. But human beings have a natural danger level which varies between individuals. Its the point beyond which the risk is viewed as too great and the individual backs off. If your ability behind the wheel is less that your perception of danger - sooner or later - you will have an accident. This is why you should never rate your own driving ability. I got race instructors to rate mine. (I was just below the top band. Good but not quite brilliant. It pays to remember such things)

 

Self awareness is all important then. So is awareness of your situation. Whilst going to fast might contribute to an accident in some circumstances, its more often an accident is caused by lack of observation and avoidance.

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Race car drivers are driving under ideal known conditions with well tuned 'sheens and competitors. I'd bet that they are never pulled over - too ascared of the competition, which might have a pistola handy.

 

Race drivers do get pulled over, even the best of them sometimes.

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