Probably Dull, But?
Entry posted by caldrail
228 views
Some time ago on a job website I was asked if I wanted to take part in an online questionaire. The questions were fairly moronic but I hadn't anything better to do. One listed a load of organisations and asked me to describe them in three words. One was MI5, our home defence secret spy unit. I wrote 'Probably boring, but?'.I did kind of wonder if that answer was going to get me held in custody for three months under the Prevention Of Humour Act, but I never got an interview.
Yesterday was my first day at the special unit designed to reintergrate me with jobseekers in the outside world. In the meeting room with me were the usual mix of people. The guy running the course began by describing what we were going to be doing. This doesn't look like a very exciting course. Most people get rope bridges across flooded mountain rivers, or dancing lessons, all in front of tv cameras, but all we have to do is post letters in obscurity for thirteen weeks.
The tutor started handing out sheets of paper. He wants us to fill in a form. No problem, although I notice the questions are a bit anal. You know, who you are, where you live, what you've done, what you did after that, what you'd like to do when they set you free into the wild...
Another form? What's this about? Oh, an equal opportunities thing. I have to declare what species I am. What choices have I got? Reptile? Furry Mammal? I know, I'll tick Ape Descendant... Albino....
Ooh look, yet another form. This one is what exactly? Ahh, health and safety. They want to know who to contact when I have that tragic accident with a photocopier that sets fire to the building. I think I'll put 'Emergency Services' for that.
Oh no, not another form... This one's a classic. I have to fill out a form full of questions asking whether I understand what's going on. Well I think I do.... That man is doing his best to explain it all.
Then he hands out another form. Customer satisfaction. Circle the appropriate answer. Was the induction useful? Were the forms handed out efficiently?... And so on. Do we get a prize if we hand it in? Free benefits for a month? Deep inside of what remained of my concious brain activity, a tiny spark of instinct struggles above the mind-numbing forms and it occurs to me that these forms are of no possible use to any sane statistician in any way at all. I think this is an MI5 recruitment test. I've got thirteen weeks to become James Bond.
Revelation of the Week
Occaisionally I wander down the hill to the collection of fast food shops and take my pick of world cuisine. There's an advert in the pizza place for a cheap burger, so let's try that. The foreign gentleman who works behind the counter of all these shops takes my order and disappears to find something to put in the bag.
While I wait I look through the colour flyers left on the shelf. There's usually a good selection. An advert for a monster truck display... not interested. Last months local music scene listings... Old news. Hello? What's this? I've found an article describing how anyone, armed only with a copy of the Bible, can scientifically prove that the Earth is in fact only 6,000 years old. All you have to do is swap verses around and the story becomes clear, revealing evolution as a false science...
Wow. Was Darwin wrong after all? Let me just finish this banana, and I'll see what answer I come to. Hey... This is wierd... If you reassemble the pages and letters in the Bible at random, you eventually get Macbeth...
2 Comments
Recommended Comments