Today was my job interview. I'd like to say it was yet another one, but I don't get much response from employers these days. So I'll confess and tell you this was my second job interview this year. Maybe the economy is picking up after all.

Normally I'd relate a few witty anecdotes about todays litle expedition to some far flung part of Swindon. Unfortunately it was one of the dullest experiences I've had in the workplace ever, not to mention a long walk away. It was an odd experience passing an 19th century milestone on a residential street telling me I'd just covered three miles from home. Somewhat worse was the humid weather.

Now here in Britain we don't usually get days like those in the deep south of other nations. For us, wet and windy with occaisional showers is what we're used to. Just of late we've al been sweating like pigs - apart the young man who walked past me yesterday dressed in a heavy black leather jacket without a hint of perspiration. He cannot be human. It comes as a shock to discover how fashion-aware androids are becoming these days.

the security guard at the library was standing there trying to look official and important with his forehead covered in droplets. I made a witty request that he should turn the air conditioning on. Apparently it was on, and I've learned that security men have no known sense of humour.

Eventually, dehydrated and panting for breath, I arrived at the industrial park on the edge of the known world. The workplace I was looking for is a secure warehouse. From the outside, thee's nothing to see, no movement, no activity. The gate opens remotely by pressing a buzzer. All it needed was a dark sky with lightning and thunder. Maybe a few bats flying around. Or maybe a lorry driven at breakneck speed by a wild-eyed maniac whipping the dashboard to urge the diesel engine to greater revs.

Through the door marked "Reception" and I enter a narrow cobwebbed hallway. No-one around.... The visitors book shows the last gentleman logged in and never left. Hello?... Anyone here?....

Commercial Break

Time to fade to black at the moment of maximum suspense and go to commercials. Don't worry, we'll be right back after these important messages.

Important Messages

Be careful if you're heading down to the beach. Apparently jellyfish are trying to conquer England. So far they haven't been able to cope with being out of water but remain dangerous when beached on the sand. It wouldn't suprise me if the next time I'm waiting at the Job Centre a cheerful lady will pop her head around the corner and ask "Mister J Fish? Is there a Mister Fish here please?"

Only a matter of time in our politically correct nation. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to pop down to the Job Centre armed with a letter of complaint. 'Mister Lord' my butt. They're not getting away with it.

And Now, The Concluding Part...

On the way home I was walking back along the old canal path. Ahead of me was a woman exercising her dog. I've long since come to accept that I'm a dog magnet. Like that dog at Lawns yesterday, that approached me in the most peculiarly servile fashion hoping to grab some friendly attention. No problem. I don't resent animals looking to make friends.

This one was a little terrier. It spotted me from some distance and you could almost see it plotting at which point it would make a mad dash for attention. Which it promptly did. Oh well. Never mind. Hello little dog, yes, I'm pleased to meet you too.

"Oh, look who it is." The owner said. Huh? I looked up and took a moment to recognise a woman I used to work with many many mooons ago. She was always a little dodgy. Friendly one minute, stabbing you in the back the next. So far she was being friendly so I'll encourage that.

She made a fair stab at chatting about old times. Truth was I wasn't all that interested in talking to her, but I answered politely. "She's only young," SF carried on, talking about her dog "She laps up all the exercise. I'm losing weight now after all those cigarettes over the years."

That dog will wear you out, I responded. SF chuckled, but I think she failed to realise exactly what I meant.