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An Englishman in New York


GhostOfClayton

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I need a little break from doing research, so here I am, blogging. If you read my last blog, you�d know that I shall be doing a �gig� in The Big Apple in May. Doing tours for the first time is always a frustrating experience. You can�t give �oh, it�s my first time� as an excuse to a group who have each parted with a significant wedge of cash. You need to arrive knowing the place like the back of your hand, as if you�d lived there all your life, having made friends of all the contacts long before touching down at JFK.

 

. . . and it�s a big old place. That�s the first thing that struck me. How fortunate that I have Google Earth, and Google Streetview to help me. How truly wonderful these tools are to the man/woman who wants to blag a status as a native New Yorker. Having spent hours navigating my way along Lexington Avenue, crossing Brooklyn Bridge, and staring up in wonder at the Empire State Building, I�m now happy I can pop up from a subway station knowing where I am, and where I�m going. . . and all without leaving the house, or losing a single member of the group.

 

Of course, the reality will be different. It will rain. Restaurants will lose reservations. Prices will unexpectedly rise above budgets. A wallet will disappear, only to be found in the wife�s handbag after the police report has been filed, the insurance company notified, and the British Consulate contacted. Someone will pipe up whilst ordering their first meal, �what do you recommend for a celiac vegan with a nut allergy and lactose intolerance, who doesn�t like tomatoes?� I have to feed you for 7 more days � I recommend you pass me your handkerchief for me to cry into, or hide behind when I can no longer hold my professional, caring smile. I also recommend you don�t ever go to Texas, or France. None of these things happen on Google Streetview.

 

And keeping the group together in crowded city streets? It will be like herding cats!

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Maybe for the vegetarians, a decent corn-dog. I don't even know what one of those is. Somehow, I doubt it's what it sounds like it might be (a hot-dog for vegetarians).

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A corn dog is a dog with just one horn, like a canine unicorn.

GoC, I don't know why but I don't feel sorry for you about your May job assignment. Have fun in NY and keep on the tourist lane

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Nooooooooo...corn dogs are the greatest inventions, ever! Take a hot dog, push a stick half-way through it lengthwise, dunk it in cornbread batter, and deep fry it! With some good yellow mustard, it is a real treat.

 

Dammit, now I'm hungry.

 

PS: recommendation for the poor schmuck: jump off the Brooklyn Bridge...oh, wait, that's not very nice... *evil grin*

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