New element discovered!

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a

new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced

the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*.

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy

neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of

312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are

surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since

Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,

because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A

minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction which would normally

take less than a second - to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but

instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant

neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's

mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will

cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe

that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical

concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical

Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -

an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it

has half as many peons but twice as many morons.