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GhostOfClayton

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Blog Entries posted by GhostOfClayton

  1. GhostOfClayton
    I'm not even going to begin to suggest that this blog is twice-fortnightly anymore. Everything in life starts with enthusiasm, but soon becomes the norm, and then turns into a chore.
     
    Anyway, three things need to be reported on. Firstly there's my recent annual skiing holiday to Avoriaz in France. Non-skiers will not be interested. If any loyal followers to this blog are skiers, they're welcome to comment/contact me and I can tell them all about Avoriaz, snow conditions, ice conditions, cloud conditions, mountain restaurant conditions, ski-to-your-door, ski-from-your-door, hourly uplift capacity, and all the things that skiers seem interested in.
     
    Next, one of our Hadrian's Wall tours was cancelled this year, leaving me with a gap in my schedule. My company (which from now on I shall refer to by the alias 'Hiking Hols-R-Us') came back with an offer for a tour that was somewhat of a departure (scuse the pun) from my previous guiding experience. A sightseeing tour of New York city! Wow! Other than having to squeeze my over-long and over-wide carcass into an aircraft seat for God-knows how many hours, I seem to have fallen on my feet there. Big Apple here I come.
     
    Lastly, to counteract the Yin of the above, the cosmos has delivered upon the OfClayton household a mighty dollop of Yang. Mrs OfClayton works at a 6th Form College that announced redundancies yesterday. Names are yet to be named, but they do know that, out of the two people in her department, they will lose one! I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you what a blow this has been.
  2. GhostOfClayton
    Wilkommen ins meinen Blog! Setzen sie alles bequem? Also . . . . .
     
    I may have mentioned it before, but I chair meetings of the 'Aquis-of-the-Romans Residents Association'. The social committee had decided that it would be a good idea to hold a sort of Easter F�te at the local Club, and so held a meeting for all interested parties to plan it out. It was decided that, in order to amuse the kiddies of the village, someone should dress as the Easter Bunny and hand out Easter Eggs, judge the Easter Bonnet competition, that kind of thing (and presumably a lot of hopping).
     
    "So", the meeting chair said, "all we need is a volunteer to wear the bunny costume." To my horror, all eyes turned to me expectantly. I went into a cold sweat, and panicked a little, before remembering my Get-Out-Of-Jail free card.
     
    "OK", I said, relieved to have the trump card in the deck, "if you can find a costume that will fit me, I'll wear it." Being 6'2" and massively overweight, I knew myself to be in a winning position � no fancy dress costume would fit. The ladies of Lark Rise (an outlying hamlet to Aquis-of-the-Romans) looked at each other with a knowing smile, and then back to me. "We'll make you one."
     
    I'm not sure, but I think I might just have done a little bit of sick in the back of my mouth! So now, here I am, trapped. I'm not sure exactly when it was that I started living in a sitcom.
     

  3. GhostOfClayton
    Good morrow to thee, Blogees, and welcome one and all to the GhostOfClayton 'Increasing Less Frequent Than Twice-Fortnightly' blog. Comfortable? OK!
     
    Horizon
     
    BBC2's flagship science series 'Horizon' has been in top form of late, but the recent offering 'Science Under Attack' left me almost trembling with frustration. The aim of the programme was to highlight the current trend in society to (at best) mis-trust and (at worst) disbelieve and actively attempt to discredit the scientific majority view, and at the forefront of this seem to be the more right-wing newspapers, though they are by no means exclusive. The general tendency is for them to cherry-pick scientific data and news stories that meet their political agenda, rather than having their political agenda formed by peer-reviewed scientific study. A common tactic is to hint at some political hidden agenda among the scientific community, who are clearly plotting to invent conclusions in order to allow governments to exercise greater control over all our lives.
     
    On the whole, very, very few scientists (apart from the ones who are funded by corporations) have weird little political hidden agendas. Politicians, journalists and activists have those, so who are we going to choose to listen to?
     
    The majority of people will always listen to those opinions that reinforce their beliefs. It is very difficult for a human being to embrace a way of thinking that goes against what they have always (wanted to) believe. For example, many Americans choose to listen to their right wing media (e.g. Fox News) because they�re worried they may have to (say) use a smaller car if there is any truth to global warming. If the average man/woman in the street understands this concept, they tend not to alter their behaviour as a result, so the only conclusion is that they will never change.
     
    I like to think of UNRV people as cognoscenti (don�t look it up � if you have to look it up, you�re not one) and so should be able to grasp the concept. UNRV people don't, however, have the time to devote to collating all the peer-reviewed research, and reading/understanding it merely to form an opinion that drives our behaviours. The science involved is too complex. Therefore we have to accept that our opinions must be guided by others. We have the choice whether that be the majority view of the scientific community, or the media. I know whose mast I shall be nailing my colours to.
     
    My ire was reserved most especially for the bloody stupid hack (pardon my French) that uncovered so-called 'Climategate'. In my moment of maximum ire, I told Mrs OfClayton that if he were to be taken out and shot, I would be buying cakes! I quickly realised that this was just the sort of comment that you might hear on Fox News. So, as an egalitarian, I have reluctantly tempered my views towards him very slightly.
  4. GhostOfClayton
    Hello, all you out there in Blogland, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-weekly Blog. Are you sitting comfortably? No? Tough! I'm cracking on with this anyway. I haven�t got all day to wait for you to shuffle round and get settled.
     
     
    High-achiever in the family
     
    OfClayton Nephew 1 of 3 (I'm sure he has a name, but as I mentioned in a previous blog, it's easier to keep track if I number them) has had his name mentioned in the media. OK, so it's only in his college's newsletter, but at the tender age of . . . 18-ish (?), it's quite a big deal.

     
    The National Big Bang Festival is the name they give to the National Science & Engineering Competition in order to make it sound cool for kids. And I can also now confirm that #1 of 3 was successful, and has been entered into the Senior section of the 'Science/Maths: Individuals'. However, the majority of the 28 other competitors are either from private schools (posh kids) or home schooled (posh kids with ambitious parents). Struggling as he is with the albatross of a state education round his neck, we�re very proud he got as far as he did. Let�s hope he isn�t just the token pleb that the organisation is contractually obliged to include, in order to secure government funding. I only hope he has the OfClayton gene that allows him to talk convincingly as if he knows everything about everything! That will stand him in good stead for the future.
     
     
    The Cosmos in all its bejewelled majesty
     
    There�s been a bit of talk on the UNRV blogs of late about the BBC�s Stargazing programme. I�ve always had an interest in space, but have never felt rich enough to own an astronomical telescope, so only ever looked at the stars through the naked eye. Wonderful though they were, I couldn�t help but think that they all looked the same as one another � a lot of blue-white points of light exhibiting varying degrees of brightness. However, I returned home last night from the cinema (having seen The King�s Speech � very good film, but that�s a different story) to find the little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans beneath a beautifully cloudless firmament. Inspired by the outstanding intellect that is Prof. Brian �What a guy!� Cox, I rushed into OfClayton Towers and dug out my binoculars. We are fortunate in Aquis-of-the-Romans that, situated as we are far from any kind of civilisation, there is very little light pollution, and so the view of the heavens through the binoculars was stunning. Just with something so optically unambitious as binoculars, so many more stars were visible than with the naked eye � a breathtakingly beautiful sight. I really appreciate now what makes amateur astronomers sit out in the cold all night, huddled over a telescope. Probably the most amazing thing I spotted was The Orion Nebula. Easy to see when you know where to look � here�s how: Most people are familiar with the constellation of Orion. Establish the three stars that constitute his belt. Hanging down some way below the left hand two are three more (quite close) stars in a line (Orion�s sword). The middle one of these is the Orion Nebula, and even through binoculars it resolves itself as a nebula, rather than a star.
     

     
     
    No longer a dragonhunter - I now qualify as a dragonfinder
     
    This dragon hunting lark is a doddle. What better place to look than the little village of Dragonby in north Lincolnshire (I say 'village', it barely qualifies as a hamlet, consisting only of one short street.) The village is named after the adjacent unusual rock formation , which you could easily convince a young and na�ve child (like OfClayton Niece 1 of 1) is a Dragon, sleeping half underground. In actual fact, I would think it is an ancient underground watercourse that has deposited a track of lime scale before becoming totally furred up. The topsoil on the surface of the escarpment beneath which it ran has subsequently eroded by a few feet, leaving this rough dragon�s back visible. Hey presto, my first dragon.
     

     
     
    Weekly stuff
     
    It is now just 30 days until the Eagle of the Ninth is released in the USA, and 76 until it's released in the UK.
     
    Asterix book of the week is one that was conspicuous by its absence from the young OfClayton�s collection - �Asterix & The Banquet�
     

  5. GhostOfClayton
    Hello loyal followers, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
     
     
    Apologies
     
    First, I know that if this were a truly twice-fortnightly blog, this entry would have appeared last week sometime. I am the type of man who, if something needs doing practically throughout December, that says, "I just want to get Christmas and New year out of the way, and then I'll get on with it . . . ". (I know, ladies. That describes ALL men!). And, surprise-surprise, I did the same with my blog. I have no excuse to give you. Normal service will, hopefully, be resumed when I get motivated again.
     
     
    New Year
     
    A Happy New Year to you all. I really hope 2011 brings you health and happiness. What more could you ask for? We've squeezed out and used up the last drop of 2010, so it's time to crack open a whole new bottle of 2011 and see what that brings us all. But before we do, it seems to be the fashion on the telly to look back at 2010, and dig up the past in terms of some sort of 'review of the year'. It's a cheap and easy way to fill column inches, so I will now jump happily onto that bandwagon.
     
     
    Old Year
     

     
    I started 2010 at the small club (pictured) in the sleepy little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans, in the company of Mrs OfClayton and the couple who live at the end of our garden (that is to say, their garden abuts OfClayton Towers' garden - they're not hermit folk who have moved in near our blackberry bush, or anything.) Aquis-of-the-Romans Club is hard to describe. It is not some kind of entertainment hotspot like The Phoenix Club in Phoenix Nights. It is small, overdue a makeover, severely lacking in funds, and 90% of the time, the clientele consist solely of the small knot of men who congregate around the bar, with the air of blokes that've done the exact same thing every night of their drinking lives thus far. Other than 'the knot', a couple of ladies who (as near as I could tell) spent the whole evening playing the bandit, and us four, there were very few people in. We spent the evening feeding coins into the juke box and pool table, so that we could listen to 80s music, and play pool. Something I haven't done since I wasted my youth as a bit of a snooker-shark at college, when I should've been learning stuff.
     
    January saw Mrs OfClayton's birthday. I whisked her off to Pateley Bridge for the weekend. Nice weekend spoilt a little by use of a B&B that didn't live up to its web page.
     

    February - I was scheduled to take a nice, cheap skiing holiday in France with 'the lads'. However, one by one they dropped out until there was just me. I really didn't want to go without my annual pilgrimage to the Alps, so I bit the bullet and blew my entire 2009 royalties cheque on the last bed in The Dolomites during half term week. This was so I could go skiing with OfClayton Nephew 1 of 3 (I think he has a name, but I find it easier to number them, much like the Borg in Star Trek) and his Dad. Once the shock of the cost had worn off, it was a darn good holiday. Excellent snow in an excellent resort. If you ski, the Dolomites is a Bucket List place to do it. I'm SO glad I did.
     
    After Easter, 'The Season' started. Fortunately, I hadn't been allocated any tours in 2010 that involved me speaking a foreign language, so it was all easy-peasy and to a large extent, 'same-old, same-old'. My favourite tour continues to be Hadrian's Wall, and a stint on Jersey was the only new destination this year. Unremarkable, and not as nice as Guernsey, where I did a stint in 2009, and will do another in 2011.
     
    This was followed by an unfortunate event. Following a worried call from one of his friends, I had to dash back to Aquis-of-the-Romans to check on OfClayton Snr. He had been mysteriously and suspiciously incommunicado all day, despite his car being in the drive. Shockingly, I found him immobile and semi conscious on his kitchen floor following a massive stroke. He spent a month in hospital, and then another month in care. Once back home, three carers visited him each day, along with regular visits by various therapists. However, following the notorious government cuts that the UK is currently undergoing, the plug was pulled on all that support, and he now has to live independently. Something that I don't believe he is capable of. It is very upsetting to see a once vibrant and active man, reduced to spending his days in front of the telly, unable to entertain himself or go anywhere further than a short walk up the road and back. He is all but a prisoner in his own home.
     
    August saw a death in the family. I am, of course, referring to the GhostMobile Mk I, which finally passed away following a long and painful (financially) illness. My mechanic advised me not to spend another penny on it, with the look of a doctor telling a family that it was time to consider switching off the life-support. Considering the thing had probably been financing a playboy lifestyle for him for a number of months, and would continued to have done so, it was very honest of him, and I had to take his advice seriously. So, it was whisked across the River Styx by Charon (in the guise of the man from 'webuyanycarnomatterwhatapileofshiteitispleaseexcusemyfrench.com') to Automotive Elycium. It did, however, have one last trick up its sleeve to keep me from mourning its passage. Outstanding finance from a previous owner! However, Charon sent a few faxes and e-mails, and eventually sorted it all out for me. Note to self: Caveat Emptor!
     
     

    Living, as I do, in Aquis-of-the-Romans, which is about as far north as one can go without falling into the Abus Fluvius, a car is a necessary evil, and so I had to bite the bullet and buy another. I therefore welcomed the GhostMobile Mk II to the family. Now I am NOT, to any degree whatsoever, a petrolhead, but I ended up with (I won't bore you with how or why), a very sporty little number complete with a spoiler, god knows how many horsepower, and only two doors. Very unlike me. I have to admit, though. After a month or two of very steady driving, I found myself in a situation where I had to put my toe down. Wow! I was thrown back into my seat by the acceleration. For a few days after that, I found myself driving like a teenage boy, and practically drooling at the opportunity to accelerate away from lights, etc. In short, I found myself turning into Jeremy Clarkson (pictured) - for those on the other side of The Pond, Jeremy Clarkson is more probably than not, the bastard love child of Geroge Bush Snr and Christine O'Donnel, put up secretly for adoption and brought up by a family in Doncaster, unaware of the child's destiny as the BBC's arch-Climate Change denier. I have since settled down and started to drive like a normal person, though I am still occasionally troubled by unnatural desires to get a perm.
     
    September saw me and three chums take on The Brecon Beacons Way, a long distance footpath across the Brecon Beacons mountain range in South Wales. Starting on the Holy Mountain and ending in Bethlehem, it sounds a bit like a Christian Pilgrimage. It isn't. Bethlehem, in this case, is a tiny little village near Carmarthen. A very tough 7-day hike, made all the more so by terrible weather. Still, despite the requirement for some natty navigation when visibility was down to only a scant few metres, we did make it to the end, no doubt better individuals for our adventure.
     

    October saw the birth of OfClayton Nephew 3 of 3, courtesy of Mrs OfClayton's brother and his wife. He is a very contented little soul, apart from whenever Mrs OfClayton holds him, when he starts to cry until he is handed back to his mother. OfClayton Niece 1 of 1 was the same with me when she was young, and now she seems to like me, so I'm not too worried. But then again, she once asked me what I do for a living, to which I responded, "I hunt dragons." She is yet to reach a level of maturity where she will question that. What an exciting fictitious life I lead! (If you are troubled by Dragons, give me a call, I'll send you a business card.)
     
    November: This was a scant 35 days ago - why can't I remember it?
     
    December saw northern Britain covered by a significant blanket of snow, which in Aquis-of-the-Romans lasted until Christmas. Life pretty much had to go on hold for many folk. OfClayton Towers, though, had been crying out since 2005 for a new bathroom. It finally got it just in time for Christmas. The snow cleared in time for us to 'see-in' 2011. Once again in the Club, but this time a booking complication at another venue meant that a disco ended up there. What with that, and me rounding up a few more folk from the village, there was a jolly atmosphere in the place, and a great night was had by all.
     
     
    Weekly stuff resumes
     
    It is now just 36 days until the Eagle of the Ninth is released in the USA, and 82 until it's released in the UK.

     
    Asterix book of the week is 'Asterix the Gladiator'.
     

  6. GhostOfClayton
    Hello loyal followers, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
     
     
    Technology fails me again
     
    I spent quite some time on Sunday typing out this blog, ready to publish it on Monday. Much thought went into the subtle wordplay, intelligent prose and reader-experience. I checked it over, made changes, was happy with the result. Repeated the check, made more changes, was no more or less happy with the result. I repeated the last part a few times. When Monday morning came around, the draft copy I saved had disappeared. How deeply depressing! Not becuse of the time spent, but because I know that, no matter how hard I try, the blog you are now reading will be no match for that previous incarnation.
     
     
    The holistic detective
     
    I was overjoyed to find that BBC4 were due to air a one-off (a one-off that will hopefully lead to a series) of a screen adaptation of the novel 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'. I fist read Douglas Adams' excellent book at the age of about 24. Despite being a highly intelligent clever-clogs, I could never follow the chain of logic that allowed Mr Gently to solve the whodunnit during the denouement.
     
    I re-read it when I was 10 years older (and 10 years wiser) and still couldn't see how on earth Mr. Gently had made this giant logical leap to uncover the mystery.
     
    Third time lucky? Surely after 20 years had passed, I would have become such a towering genius of a man that the conundrum would elude me no longer! No such luck. So, I finally waved the white flag, and did what I usually do when I need to fill the gap between my actual intellect, and that which I'd like - I looked it up on Wikipedia. It turns out that, in order to understand how Dirk Gently solved the mystery, the reader must recognise that versions of 'Kubla Khan' and 'The Rime of the Ancient Mariner' stated in the book differed subtly from those that Samuel Taylor Coleridge actually penned! Curse my decision to turn down that Classical Education at Cambridge University in favour of a Higher National Diploma at Sunderland Polytechnic!
     
    It ocurrs to me that my next blog will be after 'Dies Natalis Sol Invictus' , so may I take this opportunity to wish you all (and your families and friends) a very Merry Brumalia.
     
    Asterix and the Eagle of the Ninth countdown will resume in the new year.
  7. GhostOfClayton
    Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
     
    Laid low by a humble curry
     
    On Friday night, I scraped the ice from the GhostMobile in order top take Mrs OfClayton and a few friends for a meal out. We battled our way through the snow, out of Aquis-of-the-Romans, and down the Ermine Street, to a pub in the countryside, and a very fine night was had by all. I chose the chicken curry, which was delicious, followed by bread & butter pudding (also delicious). However, in the very early hours of Saturday morning, I was rudely awakened by severe stomach cramps. I almost ran through to the bathroom arrving just in time. The next memory I have is waking up to the sight of blood (lots of it) on floor tiles, and the tiles themselves where quite a lot closer than I'm used to seeing them (in fact just a few inches away). Piecing together the available information, I surmise I must've passed out and fallen forwards. Luckily, I must've broken my fall using my forehead, if the large lump left behind was anything to go by. I'm pleased I wasn't conscious to experience that blow! It split the top of my nose open (that was where the blood came from). Anyway, all's well that ends well, and I'm now OK, other than the cuts and bruises to my face, which have robbed me of my devastating good looks!
     
     
    Pompeii
     
    I know, I know . . . I normally publish this twice-fortnightly blog on Mondays, and today is Wednesday. I'm sure you've been beside yourselves with anticipation for two days! Anyway, there's method in my madness. I was waiting to see Pompeii on BBC2 last night to say a few words about it. I have eagerly awaited this programme for many weeks, now, and I want to get it on record that I wasn't the least bit disappointed. It was a wonderful peice of TV. The subject matter was well chosen, concentrating on the life of the inhabitants of Pompeii, rather than their demise. Mary Beard was perfect for the job. Not the usual dry history buff, but an entertaining lady with a twinkle in her eye, whose enthusiasm leapt out of the screen. My job is not safe!!!
     
    Given the lateness of this blog, I won't bore you with an Asterix book of the week, or tell you how many days until you can see 'The Eagle of the Ninth'. You'll have to wait until next Monday. I'll just get this published so you can get on with reading it!
  8. GhostOfClayton
    Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
     
     
    Trivia Answers
     
    Firstly, I know you�ve all been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for the answers to to last week's quiz questions, so I will keep you in suspenders no longer:
     
    Q1. What was known to the Romans as the Mare Nostrum? (Shame on you if you don't know that one!)
     
    The Mediterranean
     
    Q2. Which modern word derives from the Roman practice of posting news items at a junction of three roads?
     
    Trivia � ('Tri' and 'Via')
     
    Later addition: Q2a. What was the name of Frankie Howerd's character in 'Up Pompeii'?
    Lurcio
     
     
    Human League Update
     
    Due to the many, many tonnes of snow that fell (the sheer weight of it actually brought down the roof of our local Tesco Extra superstore), I didn't get to see Human League. Thankfully, they cancelled and rescheduled, so I'm now going next Sunday.
     
     
    A 'Keepy-Back' Story
     
    Also due to the many, many tonnes of snow, nothing much has happened worth blogging this week, so I�ll tell you all a little story of something that happened to me a couple of years ago, and that I've been keeping back for just such an occaision. I contribute walks to a walking website called www.walkingworld.com. A few years ago, I was visiting the Cotswolds, so a fellow contributor asked me to check out a walk that they had been unable to visit for a year or so. This is fairly common practice among Contributors, and I rarely do any advance homework or look at a map � just turn up with the walk instructions and follow them � this is the best test they can get.
     
    So, I set off, and about halfway round, came to a wood. The path into the wood was badly overgrown, and I was about to give up and turn round. I persisted, however, and gradually the brambles thinned out as I entered the wood proper. Some old masonry a few metres off the path caught my eye, and I had a quick look at the walk text to see if it was mentioned.

     
    Needless to say, I was intrigued. I located the referenced structure, sure enough, found this (not my photo):
     

     
    How remarkable is that? In the middle of a wood (and the only way into the wood was overgrown) was this well preserved Roman mosaic floor, covered only by tarpaulin and a very run down looking lean-to topped off by old corrugated sheet! It should be in a museum somewhere, shouldn't it? Wow!
     
     
    Weekly Stuff
     
    There are only 67 more days until The Eagle of the ninth, and my Aterix book of the week is 'Asterix and the Golden Sickle'.

  9. GhostOfClayton

    Trivia quiz

    By GhostOfClayton,

    Some trivia for you
     
    Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice fornightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin. . . .
     
    The club in our village runs monthly quiz nights during the 'off-season' months. Each month they have a different 'guest host' (a bit like Have I Got News For You? does, since Angus Deayton's little 'ahem' adventure with a prostitute and some cocaine.)
     
    Anyway, to cut a long story short, I do the Christmas and Easter ones, and I've made a start on setting the questions for the Christmas bash. A couple of questions may be of interest to this forum (one that you should all know the answer to, and one that, hopefully, may cause you to exercise your brain cells.)
     
    Q1. What was known to the Romans as the Mare Nostrum? (Shame on you if you don't know that one!)
     
    Q2. Which modern word derives from the Roman practice of posting news items at a junction of three roads?
     
    Later addition: Q2a. What was the name of Frankie Howerd�s character in �Up Pompeii�?
     
    Answers in the next GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog.
     
     
    Exciting, huh?
     
    Another (non-Roman) question:
     
    Q3. Which English electronic 'new wave' band formed in Sheffield, in 1977, and had hits with (among others) "Don't You Want Me?", "Mirror Man", and "(Keep Feeling) Fascination"?
     
    I'll tell you the answer to that one now. Human League. Why did I ask? Because tomorrow night, I shall be going to Sheffield City Hall to see none other than Human League. Exciting, huh? (the answer to that question, by the way, is 'Yes', though 'Not Half!' is also acceptable.)
     
    Update (Wednesday 1st December)
     
    It seems my dream of seeing Human League is fated to go unfulfilled. The little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans is under half a metre of snow, and it's still falling. The Ghostmobile is stuck at the end of the drive at OfClayton Towers, able to move neither backwards nor forwards. Curses!
     

     
    Weekly stuff
     
    Only 73 more days to go until The Eagle of the Ninth.
     
    Asterix book of the week is 'Asterix The Gaul'.
     

  10. GhostOfClayton
    I was involved in a very bad accident on Friday!
     
    I was taking a group of 20 (plus myself, a representative of our local agent, and the driver) on a bus trip, using a private hire 'coach'. We were about 2 hours out of the city of Shimla (Himachal Pradesh, India), when the bus hit an ox cart and overturned.
     
    I was one of the fortunate ones, coming through the incident unscathed, but it was immediately apparent that many of my group were far from OK. Luckily (if I can use that word) the driver and local agent were relatively unhurt, and so were able to assist. Also, I have to count my blessings that we were in a rare area of phone signal coverage, so the emergency services could be summoned, although we were sufficiently remote that the first ambulance wouldn't arrive for about an hour!
     
    That done, a very quick triage confirmed my worst fears. Very few of the group were in as good shape as we three 'officials', and at least two were, sadly, fatalities (it sounds an inappropriately medical word as I type it.)
     
    I could carry on telling you of this very unfortunate event, of how the fatality rate increased to four before the end of the day, and that three of the group had to be cut out of the wreckage of the bus, but at this point its only appropriate to tell you it was all part of an exercise for a "Crisis Response" course at my company's headquarters.
     
    So, if anyone's having a bit of a crisis, get in touch. I'm trained to deal with it.
     
    Green Energy
    The above was perhaps an excuse to wax lyrical about my company's HQ. I don't visit often, but when I do, I always come away extremely enthused about the place. Their offices recently (2005) moved to an old water mill. Mentioned in the Domesday Book, it was milling flour up to 1911. The company refurbished it and, as part of the refurb, installed a new, modern mill-wheel allowing them to generate their own power. For the techies, when installed, it was the first (and may still be the only, I don't know) breastshot water wheel in the country to generate power.
     
    But the best bit? I'm told it was the original mill that inspired the song "There's An Old Mill By The Stream, Nellie Dean."
     
    Weekly Stuff
     
    81 days until "The Eagle of the Ninth".
     
    Asterix book of the week is Asterix & The Goths
     

  11. GhostOfClayton
    Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice-fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
     
    Sorry, nothing Roman this week. There's been a lot of talk (2 comments to my knowledge, which constitutes 'a lot' for the purposes of this blog entry) on UNRV Forum recently about Bucket Lists. For those of you who, like myself, thought the phrase Bucket List had something to do with cheap last-minute flights, it isn't. It is, apparently, a list of things you feel you should do before you kick the bucket.
     
    So welcome to GhostOfClayton's Bucket list:
     
    Firstly, I'll make one thing clear. I'm not going to list anything that's in any way sexual. I'm 46 (or is it 47?), overweight, gray-haired, and above all, married. So any bucket items I may, or may not, have in THAT part of my list are never going to happen anyway. They have been removed. Sorry. Anyway, if you're a man reading this, then rest assured that mine are probably pretty much in line with yours, and if you're a woman reading this, you're probably better off not knowing what men have on THAT part of their list.
     
    I digress.
     
    Visit Rome and other Roman sites too numerous to mention here
    Do a parachute drop
    Do a bungee jump
    Have a go at Wing-walking
    To go down a pothole
    To walk from Land�s End John O'Groats
    To go into space (not quite so remote a possibility now that Virgin Galactic is one step closer to becoming an operational service)
    To climb Snowdon and Ben Nevis
    Many, many more
     
    So why am I telling you this now? On Friday, I completed one of the above items. You could say I 'Ticked the Bucket'. Myself and a colleague went with an experienced caver down a pothole (aptly named Crackpot) in Swaledale in the Yorkshire Dales. What an experience! It started with a drive up a narrow lane in the dark (it was about 6:30pm by the time we got there) up to the moor high above Swaledale. We then parked up, and changed into our caving gear, and walked the half mile down to the pothole. The entrance (on a narrow ledge on a cliff) was just above where a watercourse emerged from the cliff and plummeted the rest of the way to the bottom. This must have been a very impressive waterfall if it were light enough to see..
     
    The entrance itself, was just wide enough to lower yourself through (feet first) down into what our guide called a 'chamber'. In reality, it was just big enough to get your feet round and behind you to start on the real hardship - the infamous, and aptly name 'Knee-wrecker Passage'. This is a 250m passage that is used to gain access to the main cave cut by the watercourse I mentioned earlier. Our guide had said we would have to crawl along it. Not so! It was too low to get my behind high enough to crawl, so I had to almost slither, and any attempt to raise my head to look forward resulted in a sharp bang as my helmet connected with the ceiling of the passage.
     
    So, 250m of slithering over rocks, and dragging my belly through muddy puddles - you can imagine how slow the going is, and so how long it took. If anyone out there has even the slightest hint of claustrophobia, I strongly advise you not to attempt this - you would freak out - especially with the thought that you have to come back this way, and turning round is out of the question.
     
    But eventually, we reached the end of Knee-wrecker Passage and reached the watercourse. Joy of joys . . . we could stand up! Wow! As I admired the stark beauty around me, I almost thought it was worth the descent into the outer circle of Hell that was Knee-Wrecker Passage. A forest of small (and very fragile looking) straw-stalactites hung precariously from the ceiling, and had clearly done so for possibly hundreds, if not thousands of years, and all around were weird and wonderful rock formations, illuminated only part at any given time by our helmet lamps. The water flowed surprisingly slowly out of the darkness in front of us, and away into the darkness behind us, an oozing river of impenetrable blackness, just like I imagine the River Styx. You could pass the time by pretending you were inside the intestine of a giant, alien creature.
     
    Of course, the water took up the whole of the bottom of the cave, so much of the rest of our journey would be spent wading along it. Thus far, the effort had kept our body temperatures relatively high, but now, we had to bite the bullet and get into the water. . . and it was cooooold. After a while, however, a combination of concentration on avoiding underwater obstacles, and the awe-inspiring beauty all around, enabled me to take my mid off the temperature . . at least until the freezing water became deep enough to cover my "gentleman's area". That was difficult to ignore!
     
    There is an unexpected problem to overcome in a cave. Imagine yourself outside on a cold day. Now imagine yourself breathing out. A misty vapour is exhaled, and swirls lazily away all around you. Same thing happens in a cave, except in the absolute windless conditions, this vapour stays concentrated right in front of your face. Right where it's illuminated by your helmet light. It becomes a real hazard to visibility. After a while, you learn to exhale to the side.
     
    So, after almost half an hour of wading, we reached a side passage that lead away to the left. A bit of a squeeze in places, but still walkable, and this lead to a proper chamber, about 10 to 15 metres across, and circular with a domed roof. Stalactites, stalagmites, the lot. Stunning.
     
    I won't tell you about the way back - it was a reverse of the way in. And I was so glad to emerge into the moonlit dale, wet through, and very cold. After a climb back to the car, the next challenge started. To remove all (and I mean all) the wet clothes, towel myself dry, and put dry clothes back on. All in darkness on a bleak and freezing moorside. It all added to the adventure!
     

     
     
     
     
    Weekly Stuff
    105 days until "The Eagle of the Ninth"
     
    Asterix Book of the Week: Asterix and The Roman Agent
     

  12. GhostOfClayton
    Hello, and welcome to the GhostOfClayton twice fortnightly blog. Are you sitting comfortably, then I shall begin.
     
    It's a beautiful morning here in the quiet little village of Aquis-of-the-Romans, and I'm feeling a little surprised. "Why are you feeling a little surprised?", I hear you ask. Allow me to explain.
     
    The Aquis-of-the-Romans History Society are a very active group, meeting every other month to listen to an expert talk knowledgably about one subject or another. A few meetings ago, they were short of a speaker. I had been doing some research into a rectangular earthworks called Countess Close that was situated on the edge of the village. At one time, Countess Close had been mistaken for a Roman Fort by a number of Antiquaries of the day including none less that William Stukeley, and that, combined with the known presence of an adjacent Romano-British ladder settlement along the escarpment on which Aquis-of-the-Romans stands, very much caught my interest.
     

     
    For completeness�s sake, I will say that Countess Close was examined by archaeologists, who subsequently discounted any Roman involvement with its construction. However, I did the lecture, and thus the Aquis-of-the-Romans History Society were saved the need to find (a) someone who knows what they're talking about, and ( a fee to pay that individual . . . and I got the opportunity to bore a captive audience about Romans, and listen to the sound of my own voice for an hour. Everybody's happy. So, crisis averted, I returned to OfClayton Towers to enjoy a cuppa and put my feet up in front of the telly.
     
    Bear with me, we're getting to the bit where I tell you why I should feel surprised. A few days ago, the History Society contacted me again. Would I give a lecture on "Using Wikipedia for Historical Research" at the November meeting? They would normally go for, as I mentioned before, an expert who can talk knowledgably. Now, I can talk knowledgably, it is my job to do so, but there is a world of difference between the ability to talk knowledgably, and being knowledgeable. Trust me! As to being an expert . . . the guest lecturers are usually professionals in their field, archaeologists, museum curators, etc. This leaves me with a question. Why did they want me, with no historical qualifications whatsoever, to lecture? Perhaps they enjoyed the last lecture I gave. I hope so.
     
    Or maybe they were short of a speaker and knew I didn't charge a fee.
     
    Weekly Stuff
    112 days until "The Eagle of the Ninth"
     
    Asterix Book of the Week: Asterix in Switzerland
     

  13. GhostOfClayton
    It's Monday, so it's time for my weekly blog, and this week, I have two stories to tell you all. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin . . . .
     
    Limericks
     
    I'm very fortunate that, no matter how bloody awful things get outside it, the stuff going on inside my skull is always pretty entertaining. When my mind is not otherwise occupied, it gets caught up with little tasks and trivia, and I can't seem to stop it. I don't want to seem like some kind of old letch, so I won't dwell on my recent, delighted realisation that, at the age of 64, (having not clapped eyes on her since 'The Good Life'), Felicity Kendal is still one outrageously hot lady.
     

     
    No. . . such blokey banter is not appropraite here, and I shall say no more on the subject. A much more sutable topic here is what was passing through my mind whilst doing the washing up the other day. I found myself composing a Roman Limerick. However, by time I was rinsing the suds away, I was struggling to think of a last line, so I'm throwing it open to the Congniscenti that I know call by here. Suggestions please:
     
    A young lass of the Corieltavi,
    Sold her virtue for 20 denari,
    A Centurion bought it,
    and said, "who'd've thought it!",
    Blah-DI-blah-blah . . di blah-blah . . . di blah-blah.
     
    By the way, I'm aware of the proper plural form of 'Denarius', but that doesn't scan!
     
    Next week, Pompeiian Haiku!
     
     
    I said at the beginning of the thread that I had two stories to tell, and those of you who've been counting will know that you still have another one owing. So here it is:
     
     
    Limes
     
    The reason I'm spending so much time on UNRV is that my current task involves putting together a proposal for an 8-day walking holiday along the German-Raetian Limes, along similar lines to our Hadrian's Wall tour. Am I using UNRV for research? No. The trouble is, at the early stages of this sort of job, it's all done on the computer. "Why is that a problem?", I hear you ask. The problem is that my computer, like most nowadays, is connected to the internet, and (to quote Dave Gorman) the internet contains everything in the whole world, ever. I don't know about you, but I find 'everything in the whole world, ever' a bit of a distraction. Hence my far-too-frequent visits to this fine website, when I should be researching. I should be identifying the best 'section' of the 550km trail (my section needing to be walkable by the average hiker in 6 days), based on: scenic quality, historical value, access to accomodation and transport, length and height gain of individual days, etc. etc. . . . and I soon found out just how rusty my German was (it's been 3 years since I lead a tour in a German speaking country), when I discovered just how little information there is to be had in English.
     
    So, if anyone has any real-life experiences of this fascinating Roman border, it would be great to hear from them. Call me! We'll do lunch.
     
     
    Couple more things to add:
     
    1. 85 more shopping days to The Eagle of the Ninth (if I keep reporting this figure every week, it's bound to be wrong!)
     
    2. For the nostalgic among you, my Asterix book of the week is "Asterix and the Laurel Wreath".
     

  14. GhostOfClayton
    The arrival on UNRV of news of, (I lost count of how many), new books, highlighted a problem to me. I'm 46 (or am I 47 now? I can't remember) and it already seems like I have enough books backed up to last me the pitiful few decades I (hopefully) have left before my last ever ride in a big car.
     
    To ease this problem, I�ve been experimenting with "multimedia sensory input", as follows:
     
    Medium 1: Good Old 'Ink and Paper'
    Having had to call a temporary hiatus to Adrian Goldworthy's "Ceasar" before I suffered from brain overload, I started to read "Richard Herring: How not to grow up". I fear that, with yours truly, he's teaching his Grandmother to suck eggs !

     
    Medium 2: Virtual Ink on Virtual Paper
    I am the proud owner of an iPod Touch, and I�ve been using the �iBooks� App to read yet more books. I used to be quite the sceptic about not being able to feel/smell the printed page, and leaf lovingly through an actual bound volume, but to be honest you quickly get used to reading from a small screen. And to my joy, many of the usual sources (e.g. Tactitus, Plutarch et al) are available, and free.
     
    Would I move up to the next level and buy a Kindle? Sadly, I�m not yet rich enough, but if lady lottery smiled . . . then why not? And an iPad? It would have to be a pretty big win.
     
    Medium 3: Audiobooks
    Thanks once again to the iPod, Marcus Didius Falco is currently giving me an ear-bashing in my car. Having made the decision to embark on Falco�s adventures, I�m just about at the end of The Silver Pigs (to the uninitiated, this is the first book), and I can see why people rave about him.
     
    . . . and the Audiobook medium allows me to segue almost seamlessly to . . .
     
    Medium 4: Radio
    The next 4 Sunday nights, like yesterday, should be a delight, thanks to BBC Radio 3's new series "Becoming Roman". The story of how the 'Britunculi' were or in most cases, were not, Romanised.
     
    Medium 5: The Telly
    Not much Roman related telly last week. Time Team were trying to find a villa in a field, and by the end, they thought they had. They�ve had better digs.
     
    Medium 6: DVDs
    I finished a second viewing of the complete "I, Claudius". If someone had made it all up, it would be dismissed by critics as being barely credible.
     
    Next, I�m about to embark on the 6-DVD epic that is "Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire" (not to be confused with "Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire", which coincidentally dropped through the letterbox at 'OfClayton Towers' this weekend.) The winters are long, dark and cold around these parts.
     
    Medium 7: Cinema
    Only 90 more shopping days until "The Eagle of the Ninth" is released.
     
    Medium 8: T'Internet
    Having rid my PC of what it called 'Trojans', I was now able to pick up once more on a little Project-ette that the Trojans had put a spanner in the works of. Now, don�t judge me on this, but I am a Wikipedian. . . I did ask you NOT to judge me! Anyway, I had been systematically been creating separate Wikis for each of the 81 Milecastles along Hadrian's Wall. I can now start them again . . . hooray!
     
    Medium 9: Telly Streamed Via T'Internet
    I was de-light-ed to discover that "Chelmsford 123" (both series) are available on 4OD (Channel 4's free On Demand service). It's been about 25 years since I saw it (it was never repeated). I remember missing one episode because, back when I was a young heart-breaking lothario, I broke up with a girlfriend. She rang me up during Chelmsford 123 in order to berate me, and cry. It took her the full half hour to do this!
     
    Medium 10: Cartography � Simulating the World
    Visitors continue to be mightily impressed with the new addition to my wall, viz, the UNRV Roman Empire map. I�ve lost hours of my life looking at it, and it�s barely been up a fortnight.
     
    Medium 11: Simulating Real Life Using Real Life
    Living, as I do, just off Ermine Street, I sent an e-mail to the Ermine Street Guard (a reenactment group) the other day. I was hoping to gain associate membership (I like the idea of wearing the Roman armour and playing with swords, but can�t justify the expense to Mrs OfClayton), in order to get the newsletter and see where they�re performing.
     
    They didn't get back to me. Have they got so much money and so many members that they can ignore new requests? Wow! There must be a heck of a LOT of men out there going through mid-life crises!
     
    Medium 12: Actual Real Life.
    The company I lead tours for have started to hand out assignments for next year. Having been told in no uncertain terms by Mrs OfClayton, that I am having Christmas and New Year off this year (the first time in I can�t remember how long), my season doesn�t start until April. It kicks off with one of my favourites - a lovely tour entitled "Avignon & Roman Provence". Anyone fancy a holiday?
  15. GhostOfClayton
    Looking back on it, it was quite a successful weekend, although it started a little badly. Being the wrong side of 45, I now wake up early every day. Lie-ins may not be a thing of the past, but if I wake up after 7:00am, I consider that I�ve slept late. So, on getting up early on Saturday morning, I turned on my PC for my (now seemingly almost hourly) UNRV fix, and Internet Explorer 8 informed me that it was unable to make contact with the site. A quick sanity check confirmed I had spelled U � N � R � V correctly, and a second check didn�t change that fact. An experimental viewing of the BBC website proved my broadband link was up and running, so the fault must lie with UNRV. How unfortunate I was that one of UNRV�s genial hosts was up and around, and logged into Facebook. Unfortunate, because, following a quick Facebook message, I discovered to my embarrassment that it was working perfectly.
     
    However, all went well thereafter. Not of any interest to UNRV forum members is that my hawthorn hedge has now been stripped of its summer growth and is a uniform 1.8m high along its length, and that Mrs OfClayton refused to let me climb to the top of my Eucalyptus tree to trim it back, probably saving my life in the process. Of slightly more interest is that I won three Marcus Didius Falco audiobooks on eBay:
     
    � Shadows in Bronze
    � Venus in Copper
    � The Iron Hand of Mars
     
    I have decided to launch myself into Marcus Didius Falco. Sadly, I was outbid on the first one, �The Silver pigs�, so I downloaded it from the iTunes store for a princely �7.99.
     
    My next (and slightly connected) success came on Sunday. I need to set the scene, though. A few weeks ago, my previous car had to be consigned to Auto Elysium (which translates from Latin to English as "webuyanycar.com"). Basically, it had become such a wreck that the mechanic at my local garage refused to work on it any more, (and he stood to benefit financially from me keeping it). So, now that he's no longer able to drive, my Dad sold me his Honda Civic. To my horror, I discovered that it had no CD player in it! Just a cassette payer. How was I going to play all those lovely Marcus Didius Falco audiobooks now? Worse, do you know how much of a Honda Civic you have to disassemble to get the radio out? Much, much more than you might think. Anyway, to cut a long story short, with the help of a YouTube video and a neighbour who knows more about cars than I do, we managed to change the stereo. I now have a CD player and Bluetooth (for playing Audiobooks from the iPod!) I�m planning on starting "The Silver Pigs" this week.
     

     
    Lastly, on Sunday afternoon Mrs OfClayton left me alone with a monster ironing pile. Most people would sigh at the thought, but not me. I see ironing as a wonderful opportunity for a skive. Let's face it, it involves little more effort than moving my arm and standing in the same spot, I can have a pot of coffee on the go, and most importantly, I can get "I, Claudius" on the DVD player. I managed to watch episodes 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 whilst ironing, and still gain kudos from Mrs OfClayton on her return.
     
    What IS all the fuss about ironing?
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