At last I can sit down and relax. This morning began as the day continued, fighting the good fight and righting wrongs, mostly those concerned with letters arriving a month or two late. Although I expected no end of hassle, for once the public were less bloody minded and some even smiled cheerily as they dealt with my catalogue of problems.
Maybe it's the warmth of the library, the top public floor with computers in every corner, but I'm feeling a little drowsy. As usually happens in the aft
That's it. I've had enough. After a few years of not writing any computer programs at all, I've discovered how much I've forgotten. There's a command phrase I need and I can't remember what it is. It's a strange irony that help files are no help whasoever when you don't know what you're looking for.
After spending a fruitless hour in a quest for digital enlightenment, I decide that I've had enough. Switch the darn thing off and get something to eat before I starve. So I stomp despondently in
I've done it! I've made to the end of the week! Doesn't sound like a particularly brilliant achievement, but with my bedroom temperatures reduced almost to Ice Age conditions, I was starting to worry about becoming extinct. After all, the neanderthals, who were better adpated to the cold than we are, failed miserably to survive their frigid bedrooms at all.
Talking about them, there a new theory why they died off. I've always put it down to old age and poor sex education, but apparently my t
Life is full of coincidences. last night, whilst busy working on some computer stuff, I brought up the television on one side of the screen. To my horror, Channel One is no longer broadcasting. Oh no! Life without Star Trek? Repeats of the various series have been shown by Channel One and its previous owner, Virgin, for two decades almost continuously. The world will never be the same.
So what else is there? I flicked through the various channels and eventually gave up, dropping the remote o
In my childhood there was an annual pilgrimage to Northumbria, where one side of my family originates from. Inevitably that meant a visit to Cullercotes and Whitley Bay. Any excuse to get down to the seaside. it's a very british obsession.
One year we stumbled across a puppet show performed in the traditional fashion by a couple of guys in a claustrophic box stood on the sand. Funny thing was, I found myself wrapped up in the antics of the puppet characters. He's behind you! Why doesn't he l
Today I got stabbed. The nurse pulled a huge metal needle from her bag of tricks and annoucned she was going to. I know the needle is actually a tiny little prod, but looking at the end of it wavering close by, it looks like one end of the Channel Tunnel. And she's going to push that into my arm? Yes, she is.
The happy ending is that I've survived my close encounter with the medical profession. It's interesting that the subject of health care is a big issue in Britain (again) as our coaliti
Swindon gets a lot of stick. It rains, it's boring, it's a no-go area for the fashionable. yet even one of our foremost critics, BBC's very own Top Gear, sometimes destroy cars just up the road from our undesirable borough (and show some magnificent views of Barbury Castle in the last episode. Come on guys, show some culture). So far however I have failed utterly to go hiking and walk past Wroughton airfield while they're filming. It's only a matter of time, chaps.
Joking aside, there are se
Every week I attend a work club. You remember the film Full Monty? yep, that's us, a disparate group of individuals all sat for an afternoon plugging away despondently at our job search and ready for any high jinks to pass the time of day.
The chap who runs the club has obviously gotten bored of the shy silence that normally pervades our sessions. No-one seems keen to talk to each other, although last week we had a competition to find the stupidest vacancies online. I managed to find a chin
I've decided that television is an insidious device created for the sole purpose of keeping people off the streets. As you probably guessed, I was kept off the streets last night. probably no bad thing mind you, as Swindon streets are certainly no better than anyone elses.
This morning I watched a team of hi-vis clothing walking the pavements measuring distances with little wheely things. At first it occured to me that our local council might have realised the streets exist and that they ne
Oh no. So many vacancies to apply for, so little time. Sadly I only have precious minutes left before the library computer warns me to save my work or else, so I'll leave you with the news headlines.
Woman helps baby walk downstairs. You just know it's going to end in tears.
Caldrail helps foreigner use computer. No really, the poor man couldn't speak a word of english and needed to contact the Foreign Office for permission to stay in England. My good deed for the day.
Man gets shou
This getting out of bed lark is starting to annoy me. Time was when I didn't mind, always rushing about to go here and there, but now? Another trek across Swindon for a doctors appointment.
Today they were going to give me a blood test. I suspect that has something to do with extracting a sample of the stuff, and since my body was designed by nature to keep all the precious red fluid inside, I also suspect some sort of puncture is required. Oh well. No pain, no gain.
So I booked in and w
Now I know I'm getting old. How do I know? Well sit down comfortably and I'll begin.
Exhibit A is a pretty ordinary computer printer, an cream coloured plastic box with a couple of slots and a mind of its own. Even when plugged in, it sits there resolutely doing nothing. Somewhere on the featureless surface of the box is a button that brings this reluctant technological wonder to life.
Somewhere...
I know there's a 'start' button on this thing...
For a moment, I nearly resorted
Despite my recent trend of staying bed, I slid out from under the piled insulation into the cold bedroom for an earlier start at the sunday library session. Unusually for sunday there was activity out back. In the yard a large white van burbled past and off down the alleyway.
This sunday is a day that doesn't seem to know what it wants to inflict on Swindon. The pavement is damp, the sky a dreary grey with occaisional sunny spells, and there's a mood of let's get on with another sunday no ma
The task for the day was to head out to the edge of my known universe, or more specifically, Blunsdon. That's four and a half miles away. Even though the start of the one day course in 'How To Use The Internet For Jobsearching' was not all that early, getting there required an early start.
I don't mind as such. If you need to get out of bed at some ungodly hour, that's what you do, and whether the need to get up or the uncomfortable cold temperatures were the cause, I was wide awake long be
What makes a comedian funny? Obviously, because he tells jokes, but by definition that means he has a sense of humour. If there's one thing I've noticed about comedians in general, they're not afraid to make fun of themselves, and since poking fun at others isn't always well received, that strain of self depreciation is something endears them to us. We recognise they're human too. At least, most of them are.
I've never been a fan of Ricky Gervais. That's no secret, I said as much ages ago. I
An invite! I don't get a lot of those these days, so imagine my delight at receiving an email inviting me to a gathering in Bristol. Unfortunately an evening in Bristol is not the quick dash down the road it once was. Now it's a major expedition, planned and funded to the last detail, and oddly enough for someone who once thought nothing of driving two hours for a night out, off the edge of known universe. I guess that's what happens when convenient transport is no longer affordable.
And wha
A doctors appointment at some ungodly hour of the morning forced me out of bed long before my unemployed body was ready to face another day. After all the trouble of using iron discipline and sheer willpower to push the duvet aside and start my epic journey to the bathroom, not to mention a long walk across town in the dark, they were locked when I arrived. Brilliant...
Good Morning Swindon
As the sky first began to brighten a bright star, or more properly some planet or other, was low abov
With the Greek Cities no longer bothering us, and rebels pushed aside on Sicily, my obvious next move was to attack Carthage. Surely a victory would raise our standing in Rome, which I have been informed is not good. We need triumphs!
Herenius Valerius, our adopted colleague, led the assault on the city of the Punes. A small relief force attempted an ambush upon him, led by none other than Hasdrubal himself, who I understand swore not to retreat from the field of battle until we were defeate
I live in a world that is increasingly surreal. I admit that. My horizons have shrunk enormously with the loss of transport and means to pay for it. That alone shouldn't be too significant because although I don't get out of the house much these days, I used to do so a great deal, thus I recall how it was to have a life.
Ahh, yes, those were the days! Pummelling peoples ears with a drum kit, flying aeroplanes, driving fast cars, and generally acting like every other young man with enough mon
Nothing much to report today I'm afraid. A strong wid howls through the air conditioning, the world revolves on it's axis, and the good citizens at the library are behaving themselves, apart from one gent who made audible his disgust at Facebook, or the blood curdling scream from downstairs as the deadly were-librarian claims another victim. I'll need to be careful because I forgot my silver library card this morning.
The shocjk horror revelation today though is research by the Minnesota Pla
A quick glance through the news is always the same thing. Once again the plight of residents in Queensland, Australia, takes centrestage, but the the usual collection of political and financial wrangling makes life seem one long argument from start to finish. No wonder people turn to soap operas. What's the alternative? Learning that a female celebrity was sleeping with a different guy every night as one newspaper headline proclaimed this morning?
How much of our news is nothing more than e
Last year I attended a programme designed to teach jobseekers how to go about searching for a job. Yes, it really was that banal. The course was aimed at young people who had never worked before in their lives so for me, it was like being back at infants school.
One of the lads on the course at the same time was LB, whose penchant for stopping at Greggs (A high street bakery) o the way meant he never, and I mean never, arrived on time, though in fairness his light hearted attitude toward lif
270 to 264 BC
My capital was Capua, south of Rome. Also I started with a colony on Sicily. I had every intention of conquering the entire island for Rome's glory. It seems the Senate anticipated this and urged me to attack Syracuse, a great metropolis under the control of the Greek Cities. Start as you mean to continue then.
Rapid recruitment ensued and my reinforcements arrived by sea from the port of Ostia. There was a minor scuffle with sicilian bandits who soon succumbed to our swords.
I've decided to document a campaign of Total War: Rome. For those who were born yesterday, it's a computer game that came out in 2004, and quite a good one as far as games go. Not every day of course, I have better things to do than to play imaginary battles, though in fairness I've done quite a lot of that in one way or another over the years.
The year is 270BC, and I play the Scipii, a powerful and ambitious Roman faction in the great struggle for dominance to come. They come in a fetchin
As I sat in the upstairs library lounge before my computer booking came up, I had time to ponder about life, the universe, and job-searching. I think my reflective mood was partly improvement in the weather, weak sunshine and a pale blue sky, with a chaotic band of cream and grey cloud lurking on the horizon.
Below, on the busy pavement, shoppers and idle youths wandered back and forth going about their business. There was an orderly calm to it all, nothing like what it can be on a saturday
