Today is Christmas Day, so I've obviously planned my twice fortnightly blog really badly. It's traditional for those addressing a group at this time of year to offer up an appropriately festive greeting, and so I offer the following to you, dear readers.

1. Christians. “Merry Christmas.” (I bet you’re mortified at what your solemn religious date has become)

2. Observers of non-Christian religions. Sometime around now, I’m sure you guys have your own particular it's-past-the-mid-winter-solstice-so-things-can-only-get-better celebration (do let me know if your particular religion doesn’t. I’m interested in that stuff). So, “Happy it's-past-the-mid-winter-solstice-so-things-can-only-get-better celebration!”

3. Non-religious folk (northern hemisphere only – antipodeans have sunshine already). Keep your head down and think of Spring – we’ll get through this thing together.

Anyway, it’s also traditional to give gifts, and I have a gift for you all. Seriously. You doubt me? Here we go.

I am the following three things:

1. A fairly frequent flier
   
2. Tall
   
3. Owner of a weasel-like mindset
   

Numbers one and two cause me misery when the [obscenity deleted] in front reclines their seat. Number three has provided me with an easy and free solution that I will now share with you. Please pass this round to all your friends, tweet it, put it on Facebook, etc. I would be delighted if it went viral.

1. Before the aircraft starts moving, familiarise yourself with, and practice the actions that follow.
   
2. As soon as the aircraft is off the ground, take out the In Flight magazine. Read it if you will, but the main reason for taking it out is as a time saver for number three. Don’t let reading it distract you, because number three must be done very quickly.
   
3. AS SOON AS the seat belt light goes off, drop your tray table. You will see it is supported by an armature at either side.
   
4. Place the In Flight Magazine on the tray table with the spine away from you, overhanging the left or right of the table by about 5cm
   
5. Slide the magazine firmly forwards, allowing it to drop off the far end of the tray table and downwards.
   
6. Apply downward pressure on the spine to ensure it is firmly wedged between the armature and the seat in front. It is now physically impossible for the passenger in front to recline their seat.
   
7. Put headphones on, and pretend to be asleep if they get up.
   
8. DO NOT recline your own seat – it would make you a hypocrite.
   

I expect to be trolled by lots of people saying, “I paid for a reclining seat, and it would be wrong of you to deny me of that.” (Except they would liberally sprinkle those words with Fs, and Cs, and probably call me Hitler – and the spelling and grammar would be appalling). Some may even threaten to rape/kill myself/my family.

That’s fine – the internet is a free medium, and free speech is paramount. But trolls should consider this before posting: Imagine aircraft seats were designed with a little switch in the back (operated by the passenger in the seat behind), to lock/unlock the reclining mechanism. In what position would you place that switch, for the seat in front of YOU?

Enjoy your gift. It will last you a lifetime.