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caldrail

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Blog Entries posted by caldrail

  1. caldrail
    Hey - guess what? - all of a sudden the government are listening. The Prime Minister is 'aware of the impact rising prices are having on families'. The Chancellor is willing to discuss budgetary concerns. Plans to raise road tax are being reviewed.
     
    I see. Now that lorry drivers are protesting over fuel tax, now they're losing elections and facing a possible ignomious end to New Labour, they're paying attention. Which means they weren't paying attention before. I always said they weren't, but at last we have a partial admission. But ministers still want a 60% pay rise to
  2. caldrail
    The weather has taken a turn for the worse and its temporarily goodbye to long hot spring days. Yep. British weather has reasserted itself and its raining. Just in time for the traditional downpour on a Bank Holiday Weekend.
     
    Dream of the Week
    Nearly decided that getting a job was the front runner for that prize, but no, it was last nights dream about tornado's. Don't remember the details, but someone pointed out the window and there they were, four or five funnels under a thick black cloud, one heading our way. Of course we hid and I have to say, for a dream about a weather phenomenon I've never experienced, the special effects were pretty impressive. Luckily the building withstood the tornado as it passed over and I was spared a visit to Oz.
     
    TV Comedy of the Week
    Has to go to The Mighty Boosh. I'd not seen it before but came across a repeat on freeview tv. For those that don't know, its a surreal comedy about a young mystic and his pet familar, a talking gorilla, and the two local musicians he rents rooms to. Its bizzarre stuff but genuinely amusing at times, and I hate to say it, very observant of life in Britain. Might be a bit challenging for non-brits though. The gauntlet has been thrown down...
  3. caldrail

    Mr Cranky Pants

    By caldrail,

    Yep, thats me. Mr Cranky Pants
     
    My new neighbours keep locking the outside door and leave me struggling to get in and out of my own home. They keep starting to play loud music and I've got a sore foot banging on the floor. I keep applying for jobs but Swindon employers have recently had lobotomies so they can't understand their own recruitment procedures. The Saturday night Town Cryer Association is still in business and vocal in the early hours. My car is starting to look a little weather worn and dishevelled. Doesn't matter, I am too. I think I'm going to end up looking like Tom Hanks in Marooned.
     
    Ahh, Mr Caldrail, thank you turning up to this interview. A banana? No?, well, lets begin. So... How long have you been a part of western civilisation?... I see, and you have your own cave?... Excellent....
     
    So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy a pair of garden shears...
     
    Positive Moment of the Week
    The lady at the employment office was impressed. No, really, she was. You've been busy She said with raised eyebrows as my jobsearch logs tumble onto her desk. Oh yes, its a great feeling, watching her totally unable to question my existence as a dole seeker and forced by circumstance to get me to sign on for another fortnight.
     
    But thats not really positive enough is it?
     
    Ok, after I left my house a few days back, a passing lady asked if this was the road she was looking for. I said, yes, it is. She went away happy, I went about my business content in the knowledge that she hasn't become lost in the rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire. What a nice day.
  4. caldrail

    Nursery Crimes

    By caldrail,

    Another little gripe about libraries... Well, I seem to spend a lot of time in them these days. Sometimes I stroll across town to the local library at a sports centre. Today, as I log on, its become an impromptu day care centre. There's a whole tribe of infants all sat around singing nursery ryhmnes. Maybe its my age, but I feel an urge to morph into AM, and shout "WILL YOU LOT SHUT UP! I'm trying to type my emails."
     
    Oh no, not another nursery rhymne. Twinkle twinkle little star... Now they're clapping along too. I thought libraries were supposed to be quiet? Mind you, all those innocent little angels sat back there transifixed by their renditions of the latest nursery top ten are tomorrows thugs, burglars, dole cheats, joyriders, and vandals. Now you know why they turn out bad.
     
    Headline of the Week
    The latest headline in our local newspaper proclaims that Booze has cost town
  5. caldrail

    The Library Blues

    By caldrail,

    As usual, we line up outside the library waiting for it to open, so we can all enjoy the public internet access. Read books? Ahem. The doors open, and the library assisteant, a clean cut lad, is brushed aside as the experienced library goers are keen to log on. Poor lad nearly gets trampled to death.
     
    Good grief, AM's friend has bought himself a new coat. Instead of the filthy padded jacket he's owned since 1976 he now wears a raincoat, very suitable for spring sunshine and long days in the park. Err.. feeding birds that is...
     
    AM himself is his usual self. The world exists for him to whinge about, and as usual, his attempt to send emails to Mauritius fail and he gets uptight about it. He loudly informs us all of how difficult the computer is to use, and how easily it doesn't do what he wants. Having informed and educated us, he eventually harasses the library staff and an incredibly patient lady shows him the correct button, the one he was shown last week.
     
    So we sigh with relief, and do our own thing. Then one person opposite speaks into her mobile phone quietly....
     
    "Hey!" Spits AM irritably, "We're trying to use our emails, could you be quiet please?"
     
    Well, most of us already were, but he went red-faced as myself and others try desperately not to guffaw too loudly....
     
    My Event of the Week
    I got a phone call yesterday. Wrong number. Ok, back to sleep...
  6. caldrail

    Pans Labyrinth

    By caldrail,

    There's a recent spanish film caled Pans Labyrinth. For those who haven't seen it, its about a young girl in spain in 1944, at the end of the civil war, struggling to cope with reality and immersing herself in fantasy. At the end of the film, its impossible to know whether she was deluded or really the princess in exile. Its a film that doesn't baulk at showing violence and human nastiness, and one with some haunting visuals. The quality of the film is excellent.
     
    You know, I sometimes wonder if there's a little of the Pans Labyrinth in each of us. We all interpret the world around us, and some have what seems to me some very strange perceptions of how the world is.
     
    One for instance is that as I'm an unemployed person then I must be wothless and useless. I gave my CV (resume) to one company, listing all the achievemnets and higher profile jobs I've undertaken in the last five years, showing a consistent level of competence and responsibility.
     
    So I get a phone call from that one company asking me if I'd like to consider a part-time job labouring in unsocial hours.
     
    Have I imagined the last five years?
     
    Veteran Car of the Week
    Goes to an Alvis convertible sports car of fifties vintage. Good condition, still used as someones daily drive, and looking fantastic in maroon paint with that well-used patina. I'm sure the reality of driving a car like that would be a nightmare, so whoever owns it must regard it as a labour of love. But its great to see an old girl still going strong!
  7. caldrail

    Its a Cruel World

    By caldrail,

    For a while we've had some cracking weather, lovely and sunny. Today though its cloudy, damp from yesterdays rain, and to be honest, quite a bit cooler. In fact, as I strolled across town in the mid-day gloom I could see my breath.
     
    Then again, things ain't too bad. The rain yesterday didn't amount to a cyclone sweeping Swindon downstream in massive mudslides or tsunami's. nor did an earthquake reduce my local school to an impromptu graveyard.
     
    Nature can be fantastic. A fluke of the weather, a little spot untainted by mankinds need to redevelop, or an animal in the wild close-up, where you never expected. Something that for one reason or another entrances you with its beauty.
     
    Sometimes though, nature ain't like that at all...
     
    Nature's Nasty Side
    If you're squeamish at all - look away now...
     
    On my way to the library in West Swindon I passed through one of those urban playgrounds that no-one uses. The other side of a fence made from railway sleepers I noticed movement on my left. A crow, startled by my sudden appearance. But it was the other bird that shocked me. A pidgeon, clearly badly injured, feathers strewn everywhere and unable to escape, was being eaten alive by scavengers. At times like this you feel powerless, and it reminds you just how cruel nature can be right in your own back yard, away from the media news teams and their cameras.
     
    But on a lighter note
    Right, enough of death and misery, back to my jobsearch. And there's a new winner of Idiot Employee of the Month. I was given a phone number to enquire about a vacancy and duly rang, but the contact wasn't available, so I rang back later. This time however the woman on the phone realised it was a good idea to ask what the phone call was for, and discovering I was after a job, took some details and promised to send me an application form. Next day, the form arrived in the morning post. With absolutely no details of where to send the thing when I'd filled it in. Obviously this is some sort of initiative test isn't it? I think I've applied to be James Bond's apprentice without realising.
     
    Oops... sorry... didn't mean to blow your cover chaps...
  8. caldrail
    I was fascinated by a documentary aired a couple of nights ago. A teenager in 1997 discovered a fossil in North Dakota, which turned out to be an extremely important find, because the creature was mummified and soft tissue had survived. It was a hadrosaur, a common grazing animal living in wetlands (the area found was once a wide river near the inland sea that once split north america in two during the cretaceous period).
     
    The reamins were not complete, and a large portion had gone missing (eaten?), and a further suprise was the discovery of an unlucky crocodile lodged in the carcass. Unfortunately, the main body could not be succesfully scanned with x-rays because the rock was too dense, so work continues, but its noticeable that the amount of soft tissue meant that modern reconstructions of dinosaur skeletons are incorrect - the vertebrae need to be spaced out more and the length of these animals needs to be increased by around 5%. Colour does appear to important to dinosaurs - the relative sizes of scales on their bodies suggest different patches of colour as modern reptiles do.
     
    What annoyed me though was the typical modern documentary style. After every commercial break, the voice-over re-introduced the program saying exactly the same things - and we saw the same computer generated imagery repeatedly. Please - tell me something.... Anything.... I know the teenager found it, you said five times already.... Please... Aww no, not the 'falling over dead' sequence again.... I won't mind if you prove they smoked cigarettes and became extinct because of lung cancer.... Just for something original....
     
    This program suffered from one major flaw - they didn't have enough to say to fill an hour.
  9. caldrail

    Monday Cars

    By caldrail,

    I like cars. Especially the fast ones. No, thats not right...
     
    I like fast cars. Especially the very fast ones. Yep, thats right.
     
    But not all of them. For various reasons, either the aesthetics, personal experience, or the revealing reviews of driving journalists, there are bound to be those I don't regard as worthy. Take the Lamborghini Gallardo for instance. Now italian supercars fire my blood yet last year one trundled past me in town. A white convertible owned by a local man and it looked simply awful. Certainly you noticed it - you couldn't fail to do that - but it looked cheap and boxy, there was none of the lamborghini WWOWWWWWWWW!!!! factor. I decided I didn't like it. As for driving one, erm, that might not happen tomorrow anyway....
     
    A couple of days ago I wandered through a car park on my way to the local supermarket. And there it was. A slate grey (or perhaps unwashed black) Lamborghini Gallardo convertible and it looked sensational. WWOWWWWWWWW!!! Ok, for a moment I was twelve years old again. But isn't that what these cars are supposed to be about? And isn't it strange what a difference the colour made. White is currently a fashionable colour for sports cars (my rusting Eunos is, by strange coincidence), yet it just wasn't the colour for that Lambo. In dark paint, it looked menacing and evil and covered in saliva... oops, sorry about that, hope no-one noticed.... Such italianate pornography is what fires my blood. For me, driving a Ford Mondeo has got to be such a mind numbing experience. Even the name bores me, I mean, its the Ford Monday. Car names are daft aren't they? Vauxhall use names ending in 'ra'. Vectra.. Tigra... Makes them sound eciting doesn't it? At least Ford are more honest about their model names. Well, since ordinary cars are just too ordinary to bare, I shall wait until Ford produce the Frideo and hopefully that'll be worth driving.
     
    Rear wheel drive please Mr Ford. Don't like those silly hatchback things.
     
    This Weeks Red tape
    Another letter in the post... More proofs required... Oh good grief I've submitted this stuff twice already. Off to the bank, persuade them to copy the information - again - and represent it at the benefits office.
     
    "Ahhh... Mr Caldrail... We do need the previous months as well.."
     
    WHAT?!!
     
    Back to the bank then... I wonder if you can get free footwear from the government if you're unemployed. Or headache pills...
  10. caldrail

    Cyclone of '08

    By caldrail,

    The huge storm in Burma has left as many as ten thousand people dead. Its hard to understand the scale of disasters like this. Even the secretive burmese government has felt it has no choice but to ask for foreign assistance. No doubt many people are pointing fingers and blaming Global Warming etc etc. Its as well to point that terrible storms have happened before, its just that the modern media make us so much more aware of what happens around the world now and that given we only live for a short time, so much of what has happened in the past is something we're not often aware of. We've certainly been made aware of this one.
     
    I'm thinking in terms of something like the change in british climate in 1314-15. Previous to that was the Medieval Warm Period, a time when agriculture could have done better if the agricultural system hadn't been held back by tax and the manorial system. But in 1314 it all changed. The summers were exceptionally wet and the winters hard. Starvation became commonplace.
     
     
    Doesn't this all sound familiar? Our recent summers have been wet also, the flooding exacerbated by settlements in flood plains and little opportunity for rainwater to soak away where great swathes of concrete and asphalt cover the ground.
     
    Since the black death spread from India thirty years later and reduced the population of europe by 3/4, lets hope the similarities aren't too close
     
    Important Reminder
    Its Compost Awareness Week next week. Make sure you know where your compost is, and use your compost responsibly. As long as compost levels are properly controlled, we can offset our Compost Footprint and escape the worst of Global Composting.
     
    Log-On of the Week
    BJ, our new all-singing and dancing Lord mayor of London, has succesfully logged on to his PC in his new office. Way to go B. Keep up the good work.
  11. caldrail
    Have you seen that Tom Hanks movie about being marooned? Its a lonely vigil, here in my safe warm cave on Washout Island. Every day I do little else than send messages in bottles hoping an employer will come across it and send a boat to bring me back to civilisation. One bottle came back on the morning tide with a note inside saying - You haven't done the first bit. Oh? Whats that? Light signal fires? Jump up and down at passing aeroplanes yelling very loudly? Becoming intimately familiar with a football? I've seen some rejections in my time but good grief if these guys don't want me to work for them, why didn't they just send a letter saying Sorry, no chance Mate like everybody else?
     
    Confession of the Week
    Yes its true. I did. I attended a school reunion for the class of '78. After thirty years its incredible how life has aged and changed some people, yet how a handful seem immune to the ravages of time. One guy I recognised instantly walked in out of a time warp. It was peculiar how the relationships with some of my former schoolmates has survived - we got talking as if thirty years hadn't happened. Sadly, for some it had, and inevitanbly there were those with personal tragedies. It does make you realise that maybe life hasn't been so bad, so I guess its back to sending messages in a bottle with renewed vigour and long meaningful conversations with a football.
  12. caldrail

    Casting Votes

    By caldrail,

    The news is full of our local elections. It seems the media has smelled blood, and have joyfully reported the embarrasement of our prime minister. The headlines are coming thick and fast as Labour returns its worst result for forty years. Gordon Brown of course says his party needs to listen and then they can move forward. Listen by all means GB, but people are starting to vote with their... erm... vote.
     
    In Zimbabwe Mugabe has lost the vote, but not the war. After twenty eight years in power, he retained enough votes to call for a rerun of the election. And I suspect he'll keep on until everyone votes him back in whether they have a gun pointed at them or not.
     
    Thankfully, Ken Livingstone is not so determined to continue as Lord Mayor of London and it seems Boris Johnson, the colourful character for whom no public cock-up is too embarrasing, will walk away with the title. Its about time. At least BJ knows he's a comedian.
     
    Traffic Diversion Of the Week
    On saturday night traffic on the M4 motorway (the main highway west from London to Wales) will be diverted through Swindon town center. Well... I know the local authorities want more visitors to our fair town, but doesn't diverting traffic seem a bit desperate? So tonight Swindon town center will be full of irate and confused drivers trying to negotiate our road junctions in a vain bid to find the right exit back to the motorway. At least the Man Who Headbutts Cars will be busy....
     
    Celebrity Update of the Week
    Melinda Messenger, our very own local blonde bombshell, is to split with hubby Wayne Roberts. Wow. Where else can you get news like this, hard hitting stories about people that matter?... Huh?... What do you mean you've never heard of her?.... She's a celebrity for crying out loud, and for those who genuinely want to show sympathy for her, her entire range of paper towels is now available by mail order...
  13. caldrail
    Tried to log on to the PC at my local library this morning. Apparently my domain did not exist and therefore I'm a non-entity the computer network doesn't recognise. Hey, I know I'm unemployed but this is a public facility right?
     
    The man at the desk assured me it was merely my login card that had expired. He tapped a few keys, smiled, and sent me on my way.
     
    Right then, log on... wait.... Oh joy, I'm still a non-entity.
     
    So having gone back to the man at the desk I discover there's now a long queue of non-entities struggling to log on, and most of them have jobs. The somewhat flustered gentleman went back to the PC with me to check that I wasn't some klutz who couldn't get his password riight, fending off queries from others sat waiting hopelessly at their PC's. having seen me fail to log in, he then attempted the log in for me (can you imagine how smug he would have looked?) but that failed too. Running out of options, he then logged me in as a guest.
     
    Hi. My name is Mr Guest.
     
    Can't wait to find out if Caldrail is still a non-entity tomorrow morning....
     
    Accident of the Week
    Goes to me. Along the main pedestrian shopping area I strolled down to the bank. The sun was out although the ground was still wet from a heavy rainshower a few minutes earlier. There I was minding my own business, threading my way through the disinterested crowd, when....
     
    My foot slipped a little. Whoops, lets regain my balance.. whoops, slipped again, worse this time.... Uh-oh, this doesn't look good... Oh no! I'm falling over!
     
    Well I didn't just fall over, I left the ground entirely and dropped to the pavement with quite a thud. A concerned gentleman kindly asked if I was ok and offered to help me up, but that was too much after making such an exhibition of myself. I thanked him and was on my way.
     
    I've got quite a bruise on my right knee.
  14. caldrail

    Getting It Wrong

    By caldrail,

    Yesterday I was strolling home from a visit to a supermarket a few miles away from where I live. Its an old country road that was swallowed by a huge redevelopment of the farmland around west swindon back in the 70's. In fact, for cars its a dead end, because much of the road is now a deddicated bus route.
     
    Imagine my suprise when a car drove past gently. The driver had come down the road, seen the NO EXIT sign to the adjacent main road (the slip road is for buses only!) and proceeded to drive the wrong way down a single lane for buses coming the other way (The bus lane is clearly marked on the road surface with a directional arrow too). The usual procedure in these situations is to say "Ooops" and stop, reverse gently, and turn around if need be.
     
    Not this guy. He continued at a gentle pace looking for a turn off - sorry, its a bus lane, only one exit ahead. Directly onto a busy dual carriageway facing the wrong way into flow of traffic, not to mention a large roundabout exit in front of him.
     
    So what did he do?
     
    Well... There were no screeching of tires, horns blaring, or irate shouts from flustered drivers. He just pulled out and in total confusion found his way out of difficulty without causing a major accident. A few seconds either way and it would have been different.
     
    Job Interview of the Week
    part of the conditions for being paid benefits is that I make myself available for work. There's a list of stuff I have to do each week to qualify. One is that I phone a service for job searches, and one vacancy they gave me was for a garden center. The contact was a Mr LW, and I duly phoned the number provided.
     
    A woman answered, with a heavy local accent. I asked to speak to LW but she replied "He's not here... Wots it concerning?"
     
    I'd like to discuss the job vacancy you have.
     
    "Ohh the job. What do mean 'discuss'?"
     
    Well I would like further information. At this point I get the impression she's not too bright.
     
    "Do you want the job or not? Why do you need to discuss it?"
     
    I was given this number by the employment service. What I'd like to do is find out more and....
     
    "I think you're wasting my time.... (click BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)
     
    So I'm not going to get the job then?
  15. caldrail

    Franglais Fury

    By caldrail,

    The french are upset. Their entry for this years Eurovision Song Contest is to be sung in... wait for it... English! No, surely not.... The French are proud of their language, once the language of diplomacy. It seems that a nation whose quest to eradicate english words in their conversational language has now reached the ultimate irony. French politicians are dismayed - but good grief people, are you really taking the Eurovision Song Contest seriously?
     
    Worsening Situation of the Week
    This accolade definitely goes to Zimbabwe. Mugabe is determined to hold on to power and wants the vote recounted. Outbreaks of civil violence are reported. Armed chinese soldiers are reported in the country. A shipload of chinese armaments for Zimbabwe is refused permission to unload its cargo. The opposition claim a state of undeclared war exists. Robert Mugabe blames Britain for everything. Its all getting very predictable isn't it? But have you seen his moustache? What is it with dictators and moustaches? Are moustaches a symptom of megalomania? If his facial hair gets any worse, expect bad things to happen in Zimbabwe.
     
    New Arrivals of the Week
    The British National Space Centre, an organisation that co-ordinates civil space activities across government departments, is leaving London for a new home in Swindon. I welcome our cockney visitors and would happily take them to our leader. If any organisation is qualified to move to Swindon, its the BNSC. Lets face it, Swindon is full of aliens these days...
  16. caldrail
    Bureaucracy - don't you just love it?
     
    The problem with being poor in Britain is that you have to prove it. Seriously, its no good turning up to a dole office unshaven, haggard, dressed in rags. You need documented proof that an agent of the government can photocopy and study in every detail. Even if you give them the proof, you can guarantee you'll be getting a letter four weeks later asking for the proof you submitted originally. Oh and it must have your name and address on it. My bank is fed up with me asking for two month statements. They used to accomodate my requests but now its a big deal - so far they haven't charged me for it despite several threats to do so. And letters of termination from my ex-employer? I got my last job through an agency, and their policy is not to send letters. They simply stop paying you when the vacancy is finished. The authorities simply do not understand this. So I trudge back and forth from office to desk to office to desk.... Well, you get the idea.
     
    There are people who live quite well on benefits in Britain How? Is there a secret handshake? Or do I need to be a refugee from eastern europe? Or should I spawn several screaming kids so the government can pay for their upbringing? Time to reassert my presidency of the Independent Peanut Republic of Rushey Platt and approach the UN for recognition...
     
    Canal Update of the Week
    Birmingham say Do It. Build the canal. The people of Swindon say no - don't do it - it'll only cost us money. Two local councillors say No, Don't Do It. Somehow you get the impression that some messianic person in authority will nonetheless order the construction of a new canal through Swindon (something Birmingham doesn't have to contend with, they simply reopened their existing ones). Whats the big deal? It'll be finished by 2025...
  17. caldrail

    Body in the Water

    By caldrail,

    Coate Water is a local beauty spot. Built as a reservoir for the convenience of the 18th century canals that passed through the valley, its now a nature reserve and a pleasant walk. In the local paper however I discover that a weekend walker had discovered a body there. Apparently it had been there for months, almost reduced to a skeleton, hidden in a stagnant pond near the lake itself. As yet no-one knows who he is or how he met his fate, but the disturbing thing for me is that I've walked past him two or three times. Along with hundreds of early morning dog-walkers and afternoon strollers.
  18. caldrail
    This morning I popped into Lydiard Park. What a difference! After a five million pound restoration job the park is looking manicured and tidy.
     
    But.... Its also lost that rustic charm. I was young when I first starting going to Lydiard - it was a country park a few miles out of town back then. Now its on the edge of Swindon, a public open space, and the old untouched woodland has gone, undergrowth cleared, replaced by wide grassy meadows amongst the trees. The old lake has been cleaned up but despite promises its still smaller than its 18th century origin, the water level some 4 or 5 feet lower than the water line still clearly visible. The dam has been repaired and cleaned up, but it no longer serves as a scenic wier but rather an ornamental raised footpath.
     
    Five million quids worth.
     
    I don't like it.
     
    Earthquake Warning of the Week
    Be careful california, scientists expect an earthquake of 6.7 on the richter scale (thats Big But Not The Big One) somewhere before 2037. Inevitable they say, all the signs are pointing to an increase in gelogical tension. As an earthquake survivor myself - Yes, the earth really did move for me that night - I feel fully justified in putting on the sandwich board and wandering down the road shouting "The end is nigh!". Of course the americans won't listen but one day they'll be sorry.... Yes officer, I'll move along now....
  19. caldrail
    Following the passiing on of Charlton Heston, it turns out that the man himself visited grotty old Swindon in July 1968 because his families nanny, one Murial Loveridge, was a swindoner. He happened to be in britain at the time, appearing on stage in Bath, and popped across discreetly. Apparently he called in for lunch to the Riflemans Arms in town (now the Plum Tree - why do people have to keep changing pub names these days?) which caused a bit of a stir. I've fed and watered myself in that very pub many times - albeit without causing quite such a reaction.... So - Moses came to Swindon.
     
    Its a small world. It really is.
     
    Rural Oddity of the Week
    Wandering around my local area, I visited some agricultural land left fallow, hemmed in by railways departed and in use, plus the River ray and some recent housing developments, particularly the houses built on the old moredon power station site (I remember watching the explosive demolition of the cooling towers) and the new recycling center. I knew deer inhabited the area, but I was suprised at how calm this particular animal was to human beings in the vicinity. It sort of gave me an appraisal them wandered off into the undergrowth just to be on the safe side.
     
    Well, the natural side of things was great, but I noticed some lorry tires amongst the grass and that woody white stuff you see growing near water. More tires over there. And there. And over there... A field full of overgrown discarded lorry tires. Bizarre! Considering how remote the field has become in recent years, you have to wonder how those tires got there in the first place.
  20. caldrail
    Today I'm setting aside my usual commentary on the World and its problems, and shall therefore describe events in a normal Caldrail Day. You know the sort of thing, that blues song..
     
    7:00am - Wake up.
     
    7:01am - Roll over and go back to sleep.
     
    8:30am - Neighbours go to work.. wardrobe doors banging.... giggling and shouting..... Car starting up and driving off....
     
    8:35am - Garage across the yard opens for business and the yard fills up with customers cars. Engines making all sorts of 'orrible noises, alarms going off...
     
    8:45am - No its no good. Up I get, morning ablutions - Ye gods I look I've been pulled through a hedge...
     
    9:00am - Turn up at the library to log on and fill my blog with stuff like this...
     
    9:05am - AM complains his emails aren't working.
     
    9:10am - AM complains the advice the library techie gave him isn't working...
     
    9:15am - AM gives up and goes over to the papers and tell his mates everything he knows about the Anglo-Zulu war of 1879... Wouldn't mind but he's so wrong...
     
    9:20am - AM tells everyone he's going to South Africa soon.
     
    9:25am - Miss L saunters past.... For some reason I can't remember what I was typing...
     
    10:00 - Times up - the computer logs me out. I leave the library.
     
    Wow. What a fun packed day, and its only mid-morning! You guys must be soooo jealous...
  21. caldrail
    People just can't resist it can they? A white van covered in dust is an invitation to add your favourite gag. usually its Clean Me which is probably a little obvious.This morning I passed I wish my girlfriend was this dirty. Oh wow, that was original, number two on the best selling dust graffiti list. Number three is of course your favourite football team, number four a crude reference to sexual activity, number five a statement of undying love in a heart shape.
     
    Swindon does not score points for original thinking then.
     
    Years ago I was on casual earnings driving a van making collections and deliveries of parcels. I'd parked the van in Maidenhead to find somebodies premises. At the time I was wearing military surplus trousers (this was long before they were fashionable) and some wag wrote on the back of the van I found Donalds trousers. Not bad! So not wishing to be upstaged, I added And delivered them on time too
     
    In retrospect, perhaps it isn't quite as funny as it seemed back then, but then graffiti rarely is.
     
    Obituary of the Week
    I doff my cap at Charlton Heston who passed away this weekend. It seems the grim reaper has finally wrenched his rifle away from his cold dead hands, the very same man who thumped his fist onto a beach in frustration and condemnation at mans folly. The same man who led the Israelites to safety (at least until the palestinians got fed up with them), the very same who won the Jerusalem Demolition Derby in AD33. Yes, I know he was acting, but the true mark of a great actor is that you believe the role is real. And he suceeded.
  22. caldrail

    Ma Africa

    By caldrail,

    Africa - Land of the future's gold
    Land is for everybody young and old
    The place that holds a single bright future
    But what happens when the future turns to torture?
    Ma' Africa
    What went wrong with your brains?
    You kill each other into strife and no human dignity
    Africa - Lets stand together
    And make Africa the Land of Hope
     
    Ma' Africa From the album 1 Giant Leap (2001)
     
    Africa is such a place of contrast. Great natural wealth and beauty, a place where children play joyfully in the face of appalling poverty, and yet the same place where another child will point his AK47 and blow your head off. For some it holds a special mystique - but not for me I'm afraid. I see Africa as it is, a disunited continent blown by the winds of foreign intervention and an inability to mature as a culture.
     
    The events in Zimbabwe have brought this into focus again. A nation prosperous under colonial rule and its succesors has been almost bankrupted by the regime of a man who wants to rule absolutely, a man who exploits racial envy to achieve popularity despite leading his nation into commercial disaster. Inflation at 100,000%. Seriously. New banknotes for Five Hundred Million Zimbabwean Dollars are worth fifty british pence! Events in Africa are following trends that another region once suffered, a very long time ago.
     
    Britain was a land of celtic tribesmen when the romans arrived. It was conquered but never fully romanised. Eventually the romans had to leave our shores and told Britain to take care of itself. Within fifty years Britain descended into anarchy, under pressure from foreign incursion and would remain so for hundreds of years until the Norman Conquest. The return to prosperity took centuries too as the British became a more sophisticated mature nation.
     
    When the colonial powers left Africa (or were ousted), the nations left behind so easily turned on themselves. It occurs to me that what we are witnessing in our lifetime is the early African Dark Ages. There may well be generations of 'strife and no human dignity' yet to come before the africans resolve their differences enough to generate the future they often wish for.
     
    There's also something else that worries me greatly. Our own Prime Minister wanted power for a long time. He wasn't popular enough so his predecessor won the election for him, then passed power to him. Our economy is slowly grinding to a halt. Worst still, this Prime Minister refuses to go to the polls - and I suspect he won't until he really has no choice but to.
     
    Does all this sound familiar?
     
  23. caldrail
    I apologise. I have just seen an artists impression of the new Swindon Library on the wall as I popped down to log on this morning, and the carbuncles are indeed shown. The colours used by the artist played down the visual effect and therefore I hadn't noticed them.
     
    Plane Crash In Kent
    A tragic accident in Farnborough, Kent, where a Cessna Citation business jet ran into engine trouble after take off and attempted to return to Biggin Hill, only to lose control and crash into a housing estate. Two pilots and three passengers killed (one was David Leslie, a car racing commentator) but mercifully no casualties amongst the householders. The occupants of the destroyed house were on holiday.
     
    I've come across this sort of accident before. I spoke to a chap at Thruxton Airfield once or twice, a man who ferried jockies between race meets in a Beech Baron twin. I never saw his accident, but after take off on a flight to france (just like the bizz jet crash too) a door hadn't been closed properly, and although this wasn't life threatening, the pilot decided to return, land, close the door, and continue. In the circuit he had no choice but to fly low due to prevailing weather, and in respect of the village he was flying over, decided to reduce noise. He accidentally pulled the wrong lever and shut down one engine at low speed. The baron winged over and plunged nose first into a field from 400' with four people on board.
     
    I was an active pilot for something like eight years. I never had anything serious go wrong (one or two causes for concern however) but the sky is an unforgiving enviroment. When it goes wrong, it gets very serious very quickly.
     
    Sincere condolences to the friends and families of the victims.
  24. caldrail

    Talking Rubbish

    By caldrail,

    Our local councillor, SP, is a man with a mission, and he's talking rubbish. Yes, I said rubbish. His five point plan on waste issues in our area is now posted through everybodies door - he means business. Well good luck SP. I know you mean well, but lets be honest, if you want to cure fly tipping what difference are adverts, thicker bags, and busibodies telling you to recycle a bottle going to do? Not a lot. Old mattresses, discarded clothes, and an endless supply of black plastic bags will still mysteriously appear overnight. You can only enforce a law if you catch the law-breakers. So if you can rustle up some civil servants to lurk in dark alleyways at night to catch fly-tippers, why couldn't you rustle up a few to catch the moron who disabled my car? Ooops... Too late.
     
    New Library Update
    They promised us a new library. A new purpose built custom designed enviroment for community learning. No really, I've seen the artists impressions. Actually, it didn't look too bad on the painting. But.. aaah... what exactly are those big green compost bins along the roofline? They weren't on the artists impression. Lets see... It could be a defensive ring of machinegun turrets to ward off new zealand pensioners who won't shut up.... It could be an early warning radar system to give advance notice of my arrival... Or is our new library the spearhead of an alien plot to study human beings? Or did someone forget to tell the artist just what an ugly building it was really going to be?
     
    Old College Site Update
    The demolition of my old college has begun. Typically for Swindon College, nothing seems to be happening yet. Wooah, hang on a minute... workmen spotted.... standing around talking.... deciding whose turn it is to make the tea... Hey, its a start isn't it?
     
    Canal Project Update
    A straw poll for the local paper asked 1,000 people whether they wanted a canal through Swindon. They said NO! Good grief, are these people serious? Where else are they going to leave their shopping trolleys?
  25. caldrail

    Don't I know You?

    By caldrail,

    Entering the office of New Deal, the agency that handles the unemployed in Britain, I notice the young security guard at reception looking at me in that 'Don't I know you?' way.
     
    "Have you claimed in the last three months Sir?"
     
    I truthfully reply I that I hadn't. He looks me in the eye and clearly doesn't believe me. This does not bode well. What worries even more is that the familiar faces of the dole office aren't there... Uh-oh...
     
    Fossil of the Week
    Goes to a chap in america who recovered the tooth of a Megalodon. These were big sharks, up to sixty feet long with jaws large enough for a grown man to walk through, and believed to have become extinct as little as two million years ago. When you look at the fossil record, its clear that size is an important survival advantage. You can be too big to be attacked and eaten. Its also clear that since mankind started walking around, the large species have gone. Megalania, a giant komodo dragon from Australia - vanished. A two ton marsupial grazer from the same period - gone. Deinotherium, a truly massive african elephant - gone. Gigantopithecus, a king kong version of african gorilla - gone. Mammoths, mastodons, woolly rhinos, ground sloths, flightless birds, huge bears and cave lions - all gone.
     
    You could argue that most of these died because of climate change, loss of natural enviroments, and so forth. There is however an uncomfortable feeling that human beings have burned, stampeded, hunted, and chased out these animals either because they were a threat or because they were tasty. Whilst some primitve peoples are extraordinary survivors and very aware of the ebb and flow of resources, it takes a long time for a species to fit in with the locals and become part of the ecology proper. Our ancient forebears may also have unwittingly spread disease via our faithful friend, the domesticated wolf.
     
    Destructive little beggars aren't we? Somehow though, I doubt we had much to do with the demise of a sea-going monster of a shark!
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