At last I can sit down and relax. This morning began as the day continued, fighting the good fight and righting wrongs, mostly those concerned with letters arriving a month or two late. Although I expected no end of hassle, for once the public were less bloody minded and some even smiled cheerily as they dealt with my catalogue of problems.
Maybe it's the warmth of the library, the top public floor with computers in every corner, but I'm feeling a little drowsy. As usually happens in the aft
A few times already I've mentioned those amateur video programs on television, where members of the public send in clips of animals and people doing stupid things or suffering minor accidents. As much as we can laugh at idiots from the comfort of our own home, I've always had doubts about the wisdom of presenting physical injury as funny.
A couple of days ago I found out that someone had died while riding a bike. Apparently he lost control and hit a brick wall. The witnesses, who were child
If you ask around I don't doubt for a moment that you'll find those who think I'm wnot quite right. Partly that's down to my Londonian genes, which grate irritably on the Swindon herd. Partly it's down to my individualism, something else the Swindon herd doesn't comprehend easily. On the other hand, I have a strange exotic ailment normally only reserved for celebrities trying to get out of the jungle.
What is this strange ailment, you might ask? Some of you will be muttering various causes
You'll have to excuse me. I'm in a bit of a hurry. Not only have I had a full day of doing this or seeing to that, not only a frantic effort to complete enough jobsearch activity to please the frigid hearts of my government paymasters, but I need to get home real quick because today is the End Of The World!
Again.
Hopefully I'll survive this one as I did the last. With the biggie End Of The World due in little over a years time one can only hope I'll survive the entire trilogy. As for t
Occaisionally during my action packed dole seeking lifestyle I catch a bit of television. Mostly because there's so little I want to watch that I normally do something else. I've probably mentioned before how strange it is that with more and more channels available, there's less and less you actually want to sit through. On the plus side, maybe that's a goood thing, because they say television is bad for you.
At the risk of becoming a wannabee journalist and reporting on people, I sat down
Oh no. Not this episode again! I enjoy a spot of Star Trek in the afternoons when I've nothing better to do ,but some episodes really don't have any lasting appeal. I remember seeing an interview with Jonathon Frakes ('Will Riker' in the Star Trek: Next Generation) in which he extolled the virtues of the genre, and in particular, he stressed the ability of the format to describe moral messages. He might be right, but unfortunately it's exactly those episodes that pall with familiarity.
You
Now that the british weather has woken up and realised we were getting too much warmth and sunshine, october has returned with a vengeance. Although it isn't raining the temperature has dropped alarmingly, made worse by a strong wind. One of the regulars at the library rushed to his chosen computer and saw me. "It's a bit chilly out there isn't it?"
Yes. Yes it is. Very. Maybe it just feels bad because we've had such a balmy autumn so far. There's barely a brown leaf to be seen anywhere. Sti
Another quiet day at the library. It might seem a bit strange that I've opted for a tranquil afternoon, especially since I had a clear business diary, and that my television service has been magically restored. Thing is though I made the mistake of not listening to ta weather report too carefully. So I expected strong winds and heavy rain which of course never turned up. And as for the Box, daytime television is designed to reduce viewers to a mindless stupor. Preparation for Christian Slater's
There's an advert on television for fruit juice. A man goes to work through San Francisco and announces to his radio audience that 'Today os gonna be a great day'.
Well, I won't be buying any fruit juice, but yes, this morning feels very much like that. Except Swindon isn't on the Bay of Angels and there aren't any trams going up and down Victoria Hill any more. To be honest, Swindon really isn't all that exotic. Somehow I think choosing San Francisco for the advert was a better choice.
This morning my doctor called me in for a decision on what to do about my health. Apparently if I was 65 or older he wouldn't bother (Heck, I'd probably die of old age anyway) but since I'm such a young man, he'll presribe these very special radioactive kryptonite pills.
I kid you not, the little card box vibrates with strange power all by itself. Reading the instructions is an eye-opener. Some people aren't affected, but the side effects are headaches, tiredness, nausea, and so forth.
People do say the stupidest things sometimes. I should know.
"I wish someone would take him away" Muttered one self important lady as I minded my own business with a library book. Her friend obligingly tittered at the supposedly witty request. Carry me away? Sorry dear. Health and safety. Wouldn't want anyone to hurt their back.
As it happens her attempt to socially exclude me sort of failed. It's called not giving a hoot, lady, although normally I use a stronger rude word. Quite why I'
Hey - guess what? - all of a sudden the government are listening. The Prime Minister is 'aware of the impact rising prices are having on families'. The Chancellor is willing to discuss budgetary concerns. Plans to raise road tax are being reviewed.
I see. Now that lorry drivers are protesting over fuel tax, now they're losing elections and facing a possible ignomious end to New Labour, they're paying attention. Which means they weren't paying attention before. I always said they weren't, but
Yep, it's that day of the fortnight. Time to sign on. As it's my number one social engagement this week I thought I'd be fashionably late, and as expected, there was a crowd of bored dole seekers waiting in long queues. Eventually I got called forward, and waited in the secondary queue inside the office. I just love this system of theirs. One queue after another.
In fact, the woman who dealt with my claim wasted no time. "Have you managed to apply for any jobs?" She asked me quizzically. Che
It can't have escaped anyones attention that Toyota are having some problems with their cars. The issues with accelerator and brake pedals have sparked deep concerns especially after the tragic crash in the US of a car whose brakes failed on the approach to a road junction.
Before I go on about car production and road safety, I can't help noticing that the driver whose brakes failed simply prayed he'd drive through unharmed. Clearly God was on his lunchbreak that day, but that said, God help
Following the passiing on of Charlton Heston, it turns out that the man himself visited grotty old Swindon in July 1968 because his families nanny, one Murial Loveridge, was a swindoner. He happened to be in britain at the time, appearing on stage in Bath, and popped across discreetly. Apparently he called in for lunch to the Riflemans Arms in town (now the Plum Tree - why do people have to keep changing pub names these days?) which caused a bit of a stir. I've fed and watered myself in that ver
Oh what fun we have in the museum. Young L turns up as usual, breathless and excitable, and immediately gets to work searching out this weeks favourite tracks on his mp3 player. He's having a Queen-fest just of late. His favourite is Bohemian Rhapsody. Well, maybe not mine, but at least it wasn't one of those sugary 'let's be friends' singles that Queen sometimes turned out. Ugh.
"Do you like Bohemian Rhapsody?" He asked me. It's okay. It's just that I can't listen to it without seeing four
I am by nature a morning person. Getting the work done first and leaving the rest of the day to relax or take care of life's little obstacles comes very naturally to me, even if I did oversleep a couple of days ago. One little obstacle occured yesterday. The phone rang.
Normally all I get is an email telling me how sorry they are that the rest of the known uiniverse is far more suitable for that position than I am. It's a cross I have to bear. A phone call generally means an opportunity exis
I had thought that today I would venture out into the wilderness yet again, pack on back, braving life and limb in the Rainforests of Darkest Wiltshire. If you intend a journey out of doors it's always wise to consult the weather reports and make an informed decision on whether the trip is worth the trouble. I know that sounds extrene - it is only the grassy downlands of North Wiltshire and that's fairly local to where I live - but all the same it's suprising how harsh conditions can get up ther
Philip Zimbardo, an american university psychologist, has been interviewed on BBC News 24. I've never heard of the guy before, but apparently his research shows that 'good' people become 'bad' people in certain circumstances. Now his work has been controversial - a 1971 experiment with students being given roles as guards and prisoners had to be closed down early when it became apparent that mental and physical abuse was getting out of hand.
Why are we so suprised at this? The most glaring e
The Opening of the Library has become a daily ritual in my life now. It's almost assumed religious significance as I enter the Temple of Bookworms and quietly wait for the monks guarding the lower chamber to unlock the fold-away doors to the Inner Sanctum upstairs.
Not any more. yesterday the guard, whom I've not seen before, opened the coffee bar and told the faithful that they'll just have to walk around the staircase. What? Have we erred? Are we being punished for our sins?
Groan. Oh
Nearly lunchtime and I nearly forgot I was supposed to be at the programme centre for a one to one session on how to apply for vacancies. You'd think that after three years of job searching I'd have learned some employment skills, but the government assume you're a dunce and teach you anyway.
Oh well, here goes. As it happens I now have a mentor. A bit like Yoda, but taller, female, and not quite as green. A 'Yodess' in other words. I like they way she stares silently in disapproval whenever
Every so often in your life there's a dim awareness that you're supoosed to do something. I find this usually occurs in that drowsy state when your concious mind is struggling to make itself heard against the instinct to stay in bed and sleep some more.
Eventually it dawned on me that morning had broken. Does that mean I might have to get out of bed? Yep. That's the way the world works. Or not, if you're unemployed. As Kenny's dad from South Park wryly observed, "When you're unemployed weeke
There's been plenty of reminders in the news that a six ton satellite is about to crash toward Earth as the laws of gravity overcome millions of dollars worth of investment in orbital technology. No-one knows exactly where it's coming down, or exactly when. Apparently my chances of being hit by lumps of melted NASA hardware are something like 1 in 3200. Given that a satellite of this size crashes to Earth every year, that does make my future look little better than standing at the target end of
Before I dropped in on the library this morning, I strolled down to the newsagent to pick up a copy of the local paper. Not only that, I intend to pay for it too. Unlike many of the people who fill the stories in print this week.
There seems to be a lot of theft going on at the moment. Police are looking for one supermarket thief whose grainy security camera image looks worryingly like me on a rainy day, and caught some villains escaping from a raid on another outlet one night. The amazing
Entering the office of New Deal, the agency that handles the unemployed in Britain, I notice the young security guard at reception looking at me in that 'Don't I know you?' way.
"Have you claimed in the last three months Sir?"
I truthfully reply I that I hadn't. He looks me in the eye and clearly doesn't believe me. This does not bode well. What worries even more is that the familiar faces of the dole office aren't there... Uh-oh...
Fossil of the Week
Goes to a chap in america who
