Don't go looking for treasure in Swindon. That's the official word from the authorities. Not because you won't find anything, but because you might. It turns out that a burglar got away with more than four thousand pounds from a community centre and buried his stash in the woodland along a river that runs down the back of Liden estate.
He was of course somewhat worse for suspicious substances when he hid his ill gotten gains, so now he's been apprehended and sobered up, he hasn't the slighte
The pen is mightier than the sword. On the face of it, that's a silly thing to say. More than once I sat through a school assembly in bored silence while the headmaster gave yet another rendition of that parable. Even as a child I knew swords were painful. Pens? They just make a mess in your pocket and give the teachers an excuse to mark you down. Perhaps that's one reason why I used to pull the wool over my teachers eyes at every excuse. I once drew a diagram of the Mexican deployment at the Ba
Autumn is making itself felt. Steady streams of yellow and brown leaves are wafting along in the breeze, and it's been threatening to rain all day. You can feel a sort of heavy dampness, an occaisional raindrop, and the trees obey the stimulus in time-honoured fashion.
As autumns go, this one is proving to be a bit more colourful that ususal. Don't know why, maybe it's all that fresh CO2 we humans have been making that has invigorated the trees with autumnal splendour?
Drive a car today.
I like the internal combustion engine. It might only be a collection of moving metal parts, but it has a life of its own. I just love the way a well-tuned engine sings when pulling hard. Some people might say the sound is merely a harsh droning noise - for me, it's a concerto for pistons.
We all know that fossil fuels will eventually run out. Before that happens, petroleum will become too expensive. Before that happens, petrol cars will become uneconomic. Before that happens, an alternative
Until a few months ago, one of my usual 'get-fit' routes was to follow the farm trail to Southleaze and cross the M4 motorway on that concrete arch bridge. For some reason it was decided the bridge must go, inspired partially by the new housing developments taking place on Swindons Front Lawn.
Yesterday I went that way again out of curiosity. A new bridge has been installed but I wanted to see if it was accessible. It was. Not by cars anymore however. The bridge has steps on one side instead
It's election day at last. Today's the day when the British public decide who runs the country. To be honest, the apathy that afflicts the public has indeed left its mark on me. It's hard to care who's voted in because deep in your heart you just know they're all the same breed. That said I still have something of a soft spot for the Monster Raving Looney Party. Way back in the late 80's Red Jasper played a gig in Devon for them to celebrate their defeat in the polls. Screaming Lord Sutch was th
Yesterday afternoon I sat down to watch the news while I got on with other projects. It so happened I chose the moment when the space shuttle Atlantis returned to base for the last time. It was a majestic sight, watching this bulky and heavy 'aircraft' swoop down onto the Florida runway at three hundred miles and hour, a testament to the co-operation between crew and control, never mind the technical gizmos that enable this accuracy.
Although the shuttle is going to be hangared and serviced
Mankind is a clever species. These days we can talk to someone on the other side of the globe. We can, in theory, arrive at any point of the worlds surface within 48 hours comfortably. Some human beings have been to the dark and crushing depths of the oceans. Others have skipped across the dusty surface of the moon. With all these wondrous inventions and achievements, why is it we cannot design doors that work?
My love/hate relationship with doors is nothing new. Time and again I've pulled i
It's late at night and with the stale summer warmth, I just wasn't in the mood to do any more than vegetate in front of television. If ever a device was made for couch potatoes, that was it. Let's find something to watch. Channel 1... Nope. Channel 2... What? Who's interested in watching that? Channel 3.... I don't think so... And so on, until on one of the extra BBC channels I discovered a pleasant suprise.
As chance would have it I stumbled upon a documentary, a rock-umentary if you will,
They still want me to reaffirm my devotion to Jesus.
This is ridiculous. How can you reaffirm something you never affirmed in the first place? Not once have I ever voluntarily entered a church for a public service in my entire life. It's as if they're saying "Be miserable heathen. Or be happy as a christian". That's like becoming a slave and being happy about it because at last you have someone to boss you around.
Look guys, Jesus wasn't the son of any God whatsoever and you know what?
It's over! It's all over! My work experience placement has come to an end after thirteen weeks of banter and back-breaking labour. My boss thanked me for my efforts and apologised for not being able to take me on permanently. "Are you sorry to be leaving?" She asked me.
It did feel like a bitter-sweet moment. On the one hand we'd had a fun day. Antics and malarkey throughout the morning, but sadly Miss L was on the receiving end of a management ambush after I'd given her a stockroom rally st
Most of you haven't been to our central library. Partly that's because most of you live in better parts of the world, but mostly because it's also somewhere I go to hang out. As a regular visitor to the library you'd think the librarians would know me by now. One does. He's the chap who signed as a witness to my elevation to lordship. Always gives me a cheery nod as he walks by. What a nice chap.
On the other hand, there's a lady who was working behind the help desk when I strode in yesterda
It's been quite an astonishing season for nutcases with shotguns in Britain. Sadly there's been all too many victims. Earlier this summer there was that taxi driver in Cumbria who went on a rampage, then Raoul Moat went on the run after threatening and attacking the police in Northumbria. In both cases the perpetrator shot himself. The taxi driver did so alone, Raoul Moat after a six-hour police attempt to persuade him to surrender.
It always seems to end that way with random killers. I noti
I spoke too soon. Serves me right I guess, but that doesn't excuse what happened. Last night someone tried to steal or steal from my sorry looking Eunos Cabriolet. It has no steering wheel. It has no gear knob. There's an entire ecology all of it's own thriving inside that vehicle. Moss is growing along the ground each side of the car. And if those clues weren't enough, it has two gaping holes in the roof marking the previous attempts by larcenous youths to steal whatever they could.
So why
Time to whinge again about the weather. Not because it's particularly bad, but because the weatherment told us the rain was going to lurk over britain for the next week. All those amber triangles were displayed again, warning us of biblical floods and apocalyptic storms. Well... Looking out the window of the library... What a nice day. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I wish I'd known it was going to be like this beforehand.
So what shall I do today? The options are endless. I could
After nearly half a century I've come to the conclusion that Wednesday is the worse day of the week. You're still traumatised by Monday, bored by Tuesday, payday is tomorrow, and you can't spend it until Friday. Last weekend is now a fleeting memory and the next one is too far away.
As if being a cold, grey, and damp morning to start with was not enough, I forgot the Job Centre is closed for an hour for staff meetings when I should be signing on. Once again I burst through the doors bleary e
The Broadband Tax is almost upon us. The government wants internet connections to every home and because companies won't lay cables in the non-profitable regions of England (amounting to a third of the territory) we all have to pay for everyone elses connection besides our own. The tax apparently applies to anyone with a phone line whether they like it or not.
As a benefit claimant, that's asking me to fork out a third of my monthly profit to help some family in the boondocks enjoy the world
I blame the Moon. That lump of grey cheese hanging over our heads does all sorts of crazy things to human beings. Now it seems the guys at NASA have decided to plan ahead for more manned missions there. That new Aries 1X probe isn't going to be cheap. It's a lot of cash to spend to find a little buried ice on a rock two hundred and fifty thousand miles away.
Is this a good thing? On the one hand, I'm thrilled to bits that NASA haven't given up space exploration, despite the obvious danger a
Last night was definitely the coldest I can remember. According to the weather report it went down to around -7 degrees centigrade. Thats pretty balmy weather if you hail from Russia or Scandanavia, but for us middle Englanders, it's pretty darn cold!
The contractors working downstairs seemed a little subdued this morning, and I suppose the thought of having to work to keep warm wasn't pleasing them at all. Anyway, the sound of their radio playing came through the floorboards of this old hou
My jobsearch is officially two years old. To mark this momentous anniversary, the Job Centre have asked me to sign on every day. Every day? Yes. Every day. Each day I must climb the stairs, await the call, and present the evidence that I'm actually looking for work. Can anyone understand the logic of this? I've been applying for jobs regularly for two years. Why do I need to go under the microscope like this?
The answer seems obvious. Someone is making complaints and so I must be investigat
Over the last few days there's been a flatbed lorry parked partially on the pavement during the day whilst it's crew of workmen barricade the pavement off and dig shallow trenches. Nothing unusual there. If there's one one thing to say about Swindon, it has holes in it. Given how unreliable the electricity supply was becoming it's no wonder they dug a few more. But hang on a moment... What is going on?
Now the trench has been filled in the workmen left two upright grey metal poles standing i
I don't know about you, but I've always found that weddings are such a pain in the backside. Perhaps it's different if you're the one getting married - I suspect in most cases you're kind of swept along by it - but as a disinterested observer you get dragged to a boring ritual then off to take part in the reception, a celebration that takes ages for you to drink yourself oblivious and spare yourself the mind numbing tedium of family fun. If you doubt my word on that, I challenge you sit through
There's been some new fossiles found in China. That part of the world seemes particularly fertile in dinosaur remains doesn't it? I wonder why? Was the ara absolutely teeming in life back in past ages, or was it simply muddier and thus more got preserved? Anyway, they've found some new bird-esque species older than archeopteryx (the famous half bird/half dinosaur fossil recovered from Germany donkeys years ago) so once again the news headlines are full of Scientists confirm birds evolved from di
Given my prediliction for using computers I can hardly claim to be a technophobe, but I must confess when it comes to mobile phones I'm almost a luddite. I hate the things. Horrible little contrivances designed to frustrate the owner and annoy everybody else in the vicinity.
Buying them is a little problematic for me too. High street vendors are very keen to fit you into a stereotype, which annoys me greatly, because I just don't want a phone for the reasons they're trying to sell them. Wha
My first clue to the importance of the day was spotting the library security guard. He's a portly chap, walking with a pronounced sway, sort of like an oversized chimp. He was carrying a bunch of flowers. Never in my life have I seen him look so incongruous. I couldn't help asking him if this was part of his usual duties. He chuckled, but I think what he really wanted to do was punch my lights out.
Later I went to the library for my daily dose of internet goodness. What is going on? The inte
