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Letters & Words

Gaius Octavius

Entry posted by Gaius Octavius

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Sundry criminals have been at work on the English language for ages. It is high time these miscreants were brought to book.

 

Let us examine the letter "H".

 

Not pronounced in 'eight' where it lives; prounced in Sean where it is on vacation.

Not pronounced in 'ghost' (yes, yes, I know, it tells us how to pronounce the 'g'). OK, so, gho ghet ghum. Lets be consistent. The Irish don't bother pronouncing it in 'thanks', but they do in 'Sean'. Koo-koo, no?

Thought, bought, caught! Pronounce that last 'h'? No way Jose!

I know! What about the likes of how, hero, help and hello? Just drop the 'h'. Would anyone call the spelling cops if we wrote ow, ero, elp and ello? Of course not. No one rats on 'herb'! Saves ink, time and wear and tear on the eyes. Some Brits say it this way anyway. And they invented the confounding confounded language. Mite just as well use ghoti. Nothing but a trouble maker.

Tear is another beaut that needs work.

 

Let us proceed to the criminal "K".

 

Knock; two k's - wats de point ere? Ghet rid of dem and you wind up wit 'noc'. Just as ghood!

Knight? nite! Knew? new! Kale? cale! Knave? nave! Kind? cind! Keen? ceen! Ghood enuf for the Romans; ghood enuf for me.

 

On to some useless words.

Moot. Once debatable now undebatable. Or do I ave it bacwards? Ghet wat I mean?

Good. Bad! Wats de point of being ghood anyow? Dere is no suce ding as a ghood proto-neo-con. Dats an oxyignoranus!

Foul, fowl? Run de to togeder in speece and you ave no idea of wats ghoing on.

 

Put dis one on your tounge. De bride, nee Neigh, said nay at de altar. So it ghoes in speece: De bride nay nay, said nay at de altar? Lovely!

 

Look, dis confuses little vagabonds and de prezident, so lets elp em. Ghet rid of all dis twaddle and little cids will danc uz. Den we can be proud of gheeorgy-poo.

De nicompoop is constantly adding words suce as 'fascistististists' and 'conservatistismist' along wit de required nucUlar.

Now, ere is were I need your elp. De following words need plurals and possessives.

 

Ignorattus

 

Illiteratus

 

Ignoranus

 

And so I propose dat we :giljotiini: 'H' & 'K'. Ghet rid of some words and add de above tree too de lexicon. Dey are interesting words and sound nise. Very appropriate wen describing certain proto-neo ominid kriminals.

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Gaius Octavius

So, to summarize, the English language is farked beyond all hope, and we should all switch to, say, Spanish?

 

No! Never! We all mite ghet trown out of de country. Leaving a vast waist land. De Espanice ave dere problems to. Tonto stupid; Tonto silly. Tonto need some underware.

:ph34r:

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Gaius Octavius

My Illustrious Readers, permit me to present a baseball problem.

 

Currently there are two lads in this game; one named Chone (pronounced as in Sean) Figgens. And the other named Ruby Seanez (proprietarilly pronounced cee-nez).

 

If we do a little switcheroo, we will get Ruby Figgens (no problem).

This leaves Chone Seanez for the umpires. Do you comprehend the ontological problem here?

Is it Cone Shawnez? Shown Ceenez? Shawn Shawnez? Or what? :lol:

 

My mission in life is to put an end to this balderdash. Children will raise statues of my humble self. Presidents will sit at my feets.

 

:ph34r:

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docoflove1974
Dearest Doll:

 

You and that other 'personage' simply don't ghet it, do u?

 

Thus, let me bring you back to the days of yesteryear:

 

Hi Yo Silver!

Hi Yo Silver!

Hi Yo Silver everywhere!

Tonto lost his underwear!

Me no know; me no care;

Tonto buy 'em 'nuder pair!

 

Compliments of the world reknown, Jay Silverheels.

Thank you.

:ph34r:

 

Nope, never have heard of that one...must be an old fogie kind of thing :lol:

 

As regards your other suggestion...S

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Antiochus of Seleucia

I think it's not fair to the letter 'k' that 'c' makes more sounds. I propose that we make 'c' and 'k' interchangable.

 

Cing Kharles! Kceese is not cnoledgable. Gaius can be a krancy cook if the Yancees lose.

 

See? All better.

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Gaius Octavius

I think it's not fair to the letter 'k' that 'c' makes more sounds. I propose that we make 'c' and 'k' interchangable.

 

Cing Kharles! Kceese is not cnoledgable. Gaius can be a krancy cook if the Yancees lose.

 

See? All better.

 

Look here. Bad suggestion. Interchanging letters would really drive the president out of his bird and little kids would burn you in effigy. The idea is to get rid of letters. Thats no help.

 

Now pay attention. The letter 'S'. Bac in de old days dey almost ghot it rite. 'Some' was spelt 'Fome', fee? 'Success' was fpelt 'Succeff' - almost but not quite rite. Fould ave been 'Fucceff'. Ghaiuf! Wen we need a plural, we ufe an 's'. Pronounced as 'z', rite? Fo, letz ufe a 'z' inftead. Macz tingz ezier. No? :hammer:

 

:ph34r:

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