"This next one is going to be brutal" Said the DJ on the radio last night. He did sound like he needed trauma therapy for Post Thrash Metal Syndrome. "So you might want a bag. Don't put it on your head though, that's dangerous".
Consumer advice at this time of night? Okay mate, no bag on head. Got it. Then the next track started, or at least I think it was music, it was sort of hard to tell. I seem to remember Young L at the museum trying to impress me with a downloaded mp3 from the band Car
The Programme Centre has moved. They were inhabiting a pokey little place in that peculiar brick complex in the corner by the pub. You'd think that was very convenient, except the pub in question is a real 'sawdust on the floor and spit your broken teeth in the bucket please' kind of place.
I was in there a few years back, quietly minding my own business, nursing a pint like several others. In came a bunch of lads, making a lot of noise, bouncinng off the walls. To be honest I didn't pay mu
In one of the science magazines lately they devoted an issue to Time. What is it? How much does it cost? What could you do with it if you could afford it? It's a remarkable thing that we experience one moment after another but that causes us to assume we know what time is. So helpless are scientists to explain exactly what Time is that instead of turning to Professor Cox, they're asking philosophers to explain it. Proof therefore that Time is an illusion.
Unfortunately for everyone knowing t
Bureaucracy - don't you just love it?
The problem with being poor in Britain is that you have to prove it. Seriously, its no good turning up to a dole office unshaven, haggard, dressed in rags. You need documented proof that an agent of the government can photocopy and study in every detail. Even if you give them the proof, you can guarantee you'll be getting a letter four weeks later asking for the proof you submitted originally. Oh and it must have your name and address on it. My bank is f
The stifling warm spell seems to run its course. Last night was a blessed relief from lying there gasping for breath, a definite cooler feel to the air, and this morning was actually quite chilly. At last... A chance to get some real sleep....
But no. For some reason every alarm in the neighbourhood was going off. The abanonded office across the road made its usuall insistent bleeping. Car alarms went off one after the other in the streets behind my home. A burglar alarm sounded into the sma
As predicted, the temptation to set off fireworks was too much for the local inhabitants. As damp and dreary an evening as it was, they set to work creating as much mayhem as possible.
The early shift started around seven o'clock. I looked out the back window of my home, which has a narrow view across the west of Swindon. Usually on bonfire night one area sets off, finishes, then another begins elsewhere. Not this year. Stretching into the distance was a display of pyrotechnic fountains in
Another day, another shopping trip. Once agai I trudge down to my local supermarket in a fruitless quest for bargains and cheap two for one deals. Yesterday the weather wasn't bad. Not like today with blustery rainfall, so I guess I chose the right day to go shopping.
Let's see... What can I buy?.... Most of the goods are the upmarket brands for people who follow the teachings of the prophet Jamie Oliver. Can't afford those. I don't care how many television adverts he makes. Five pounds does
Television isn't entirely new. It was after all around before I was born, but the technology has improved over the years and in a way I've grown up with it. I remember the day we got our first ever colour television. We take that for granted now, but back then it was a revelation in entertainment.
Things were never simple though. Poor reception was a fact of life and usually cured by sending someone out to fiddle with the aerial. These days we have cable television and digital broadcasts, so
My fame as a jobseeker knows no bounds. Yesterday some bloke spoke to me as I passed him on the pavement of the local high street. He was visiting the the numerous job agencies and must have recognised me from one of those helpful 'How To Search For Jobs' courses that I've been attending over the last year.
"Waste of time, innit?" He said as he loomed over me with a psychopathic smile. He's a big lad. "None 'uv these agencies 'ave got nuffink."
Well you just have to keep on trying. Thank
Back to school again. Every week I have to attend a session at the programme centre and sit through the lessons intended for people who don't have any education whatsoever.
Our groups subject was Child Adoptions By Same Sex Couples. The discussion of course immediately turned to football with me sat in the middle of opinions and observations about a game for which I have nothing but disinterest in with every fibre of my being.
Each group had to nominate someone to stand up and deli
Swindon is suspiciously white this morning. Even winter-safe wiltshire has finally succumbed to snow. It started last night and quickly reduced wiltshire to the usual scene of british ineptitude of dealing with slippery conditions. I watched a van attempting to ascend the steep side street behind my home. Even with a guy shovelling ice from under the wheels they made painfully slow progress toward the company yard.
For me it means another struggle with my sense of balance as the partially cl
We were gathered there together to hear the words of Young L, our local high priest of the Top Gear temple, whether we liked it or not. The lesson for the day was the wayward handling of the new Ferrari FF when in high gear. Having watched the Stig fail to negotiate a frozen lake surface for that reason, Young L gamely attempted to convert the faithful to his way of thinking, or rather to sound clever by repeating what he'd seen on television.
L - Just stop talking for a moment. If you drive
Once again the weathermen have triumphed. The storms have crossed the west country overnight and left us with a wet and rainy day. In fact this rain is a bit unseasonal, but at least it wasn't a hurricane.
By chance I was watching CBS news last night. I wouldn't normally bother because for some reason I can't fathom, american news channels are almost unfathomable. Not this time. The arrival of Hurricane Irene was causing worry for everyone living on the east coast and it seems weather of tha
No matter how long you've lived in Britain you never learn. By sheer chance I heard a weather forecast and guess what? Our balmy relaxing weather is about to go siberian again. I must admit we did get sleet on sunday. Today though is a slightly chilly sunny day. No-one would know it was monday morning.
Of course having watched Kate Humble breathlessly roam the globe to show us what a breathtakingly wondrous planet we live on, I now know that Britain sits under a boundary between arctic and t
You don't have to look very hard to find stately homes in englands green and pleasant land. So prevalent was the landscaped parkland of the 18th century that people believe english countryside is supposed to look like that. Therefore to get our cultural fix, we english people sometime visit these stately homes and their pastoral surroundings.
I've been dragged around a fair few stately homes as a child. They all seemed to be the same. Pastel labyrinths of grandiose furniture and anonymous po
Our local newsletter revealed that the old college site is to be demolished. Sounds familiar. Could I sworn I heard that soewhere before. It seems the impending destruction of Swindon's favourite ruin is too good a news story to forget.
You would think that everyone would be talking about it. At the library yesterday morning all I heard was a request for maps and the constant moaning from someone who couldn't cope with the intricacies of the computer booking system. I know where you're comi
It's snowing!
Lots of snowing!
It's been snowing since midnight last night. This can't be happening, it isn't possible, Swindon doesn't get snow. Hang on a moment, I'll look out the window, just to make sure I'm not imagining it...
It's snowing! Everything is white. It's a complete snow fest in Swindon...
Somebody stop the snow!
Meanwhile, back at the world
Oh, lot's of things going on. Gordon Brown is facing a possible coup from his MP's, a flashy powerboat used by demonstr
Hi there. As its the start of the new year, its the time for new year resolutions. Sadly the UN doesn't recognise my little nation state but that won't stop me. Luckily though no-one keeps resolutions for more than a few days which explains why third world dictators get away with flouting them. Most of us are required to pay lip service to these resolutions by our inlaws. Dictators have the unfair advantage that they can shoot theirs at will.
So without further ado, my first lip-service to n
Last night I paused to look out into the yard behind my home as I often do before retiring to bed. This was in the early hours of the night and now that the strong winds across the country have subsided, there was that familiar spooky silence once again.
I did notice an odd halo effect from the moon as the light refracted through the thin clouds hanging limp in the sky. It would have enough to stop superstitious medieval peasants in their tracks and even the lack of hollering from nightclu
The street where I live isn't quiet. It's a major route from Old Town on the hill to Swindon town centre. Consequently I hear cars going by. Ordinary cars, cars with loud exhausts, and occaisionally cars bumping into each other. Sometimes a heavy lorry thunders by and the house literally shakes. Motorbikes scream up the hill and make it sound like Silverstone on race day. At night it changes. Women scream up the hill and youths chant football songs. I have to be honest, I've kind of gotten used
I have seen the shape of things to come. At the Geneva Motor Show, the Royal College of Arts have unveiled ambulances that will be rushing to our aid in as little as four years from now - don't take that literally. Now get this. One of them has ejector seats to speed paramedics to your side. What happens if the patient is in a tunnel? Does the paramedic get issued with a helmet?
Another design has a fold out detachable medical center. Isn't that dead cool? Once the paramedics have landed an
Yesterday evening the weather was warm and sunny, tempered by a cool westerly breeze. I enjoy a hike into the country now and then, and in order to try for an atmospheric or dramatic sunset photograph, I climbed the torturous footpath up to Burderop Ridge. Getting photographs like that isn't as easy as it sounds because nature invariably displays its best when you're least prepared, but lets try nonetheless. So I found a comfortable grassy spot overlooking the local countryside.
The first ev
Fifty is a strange age. Part of me knows full well I'm not young any more, that I ought to change my ways and act my age, while at the same time I simply cannot help being the veteran rebellious teenager I always was. Take yesterday for example. I approached the pedestrian crossing minding my own business and as if pheromones were setting off air raid sirens, I couldn't help noticing the twenty year old brunette across the road.
I've no idea what sort of person she was but physically she was
What makes a comedian funny? Obviously, because he tells jokes, but by definition that means he has a sense of humour. If there's one thing I've noticed about comedians in general, they're not afraid to make fun of themselves, and since poking fun at others isn't always well received, that strain of self depreciation is something endears them to us. We recognise they're human too. At least, most of them are.
I've never been a fan of Ricky Gervais. That's no secret, I said as much ages ago. I
Most of cooking is very quicky and easy. Fifteen minutes and I'm done. Sometimes though when I've got a spare bit of cash I like to prove Jamie Oliver knows absolutely nothing about cooking by reinventing the entire genre in the prvacy of my own home. So it was yesterday, when I happened upon some quality products at tjhe supermarket on sale at bargain prices.
I once remember reading a bit of wisdom that said "Love and cooking such be approached with complete abandon". I've always though spo
