Now that I've been unemployed for a year, I must face the Inquisition. It's a ritual designed to help me get back to work, though to be honest, it rarely makes any difference. They change a few conditions on my jobseekers contract and send me to a special unit where I can learn how to be a jobseeker again.
There were a few us waiting for interviews. A woman walked up and asked if we were in the right place. The guy opposite me looked puzzled. "In the right place..." He mumbled, staring empt
It's a sunny morning, a clear blue sky, so I thought I'd drop by the park and enjoy the sunshine. There was hardly anyone around but eventually this old guy hobbled to the edge of the lake and deposited half a loaf of bread in the water. The nearby ducks eagerly paddled after this awesome prize and began tugging at the sodden excess of white loaf with relish. To them, it was a veritable feast.
Over the lake was a flock of seabirds. Small white ones, petrels I think, though I'm sure I'm wrong
It's been strangely quiet in Swindon. I dare say many people like me were up into the small hours following the events of the General Election on the news. I won't bore you with the commentary on the details of our current hung parliament - we all pay television license fee for that. What interests me is perhaps less than the news that the Conservative Party are now running Swindon South, but rather the maneovers in high places as the various leaders jostle for dominance and influence.
This
After a week of intensive forklifting that saw me spending most of it twiddling my thumbs in a dingy office, I can finally relax a little. Truth is I'm shocked how tiring I found it. Getting up early, walking to and fro from work, leaping on and off heavy and potentially dangerous industrial machinery, and worst of all, braving the queues at the local fast food takeaways for lunch.
KFC weren't bad I suppose. They did point me toward the 'loser corner' seeing as I look like a neanderthal in a
What a gloomy day. It just is. Waking up this morning after the christmnas season is a test of resolve to begin with without a grey, drab day to persuade you that sleeping in is a better idea.
News From The Drab Grey Town
Despite appearances to the contrary, a quick survey of the newspaper headlines reveals an armed robbery on a newsagent in Pinehurst. That area is one of the three 'P's of Swindon (Pinehurst, Penhill, and Park), our local sinkhole estates that taxi drivers refused to deliv
Just a moment ago I was browsing the local newspapers local hiustory page. It's a regular feature in which we learn fascinating trivia about life in Swindon in times gone by. I was a little suprised by todays entry, concerning the result of bad behaviour in a late victorian school.
Some lads had misbehaved and received corporal punishment for their misdemeanours. The parents complained and the kids got thrown out, getting their revenge by pelting the headmaster with vegetables and threateni
Last night I sat back to watch a little tv. In both senses. Outside I heard a revving car engine and tire squeals. Oh come on you idiot, surely you're not pratting around in this weather? Sheesh...
Later I became aware of a persistent rumble. I get that from big diesel engines idling outside by the pedestrian crossing. Except this time it just went on and on. Its uncomfortable because the vibration carries through the house. Looking out the window I spotted why. The single decker bus outside
Those lads have done a grand job painting the outside of the house. For me the best thing is that they've run out of Perry Como songs, but at least the paint looks fresh.
They did carefully lay out dayglo 'wet paint' tape everywhere to stop people getting paint all over their clothes, which sort of made the place look like a crime scene. And since it was necessary to leave the outer door open last night (to avoid the wet paint gluing the door and keeping me trapped inside) some wag decided t
Amongst the crop of job adverts I've had to trawl through this week is a remarkable chance to be Country Manager in Denmark. They want a new ruler who can increase their market share. So if you want to blitzkrieg Europe at the command of the Danish armed forces apply now.
Of course armed forces need fuel. I was interested to discover a vacancy for an oil company in Kyrgyzstan. Managing a pileline in some forgotten corner of the world doesn't strike me as an exciting opportunity, though it w
Right. Now for another glimpse into the daily life of Caldrail, or perhaps an in-depth shock expose of goings on in my local community, or failing that, a commentary on world events?
Well I would... But I can't. My daily life isn't something I've gotten yet, as I was unpolitely reminded by yobboes in the street last night. The screams of party girls and the drunken demonstrations of manliness (as perceived by ape descended lifeforms) is of no suprise to regular readers of this blog and certa
It always happens when it snows. I get this uncontrollable urge to wander further afield. Okay, that doesn't make me Ranulph Caldrail, but trudging through snow is pretty tiring you know.
First stop of the day was at the park round the corner from where I live. You know, I was always taught that birds fly south for the winter, but not these hardy waterfowl, especially since they've cottoned on that we humans feel sorry for them and supply all their breadcrumb needs. All they have to do is sw
The lightning revealed the outline of the brick terrace house in Swindon's Old Town. There, perched on the side of a hill, a terrible scientific experiment was about to take place. In the beige dungeons of of the house, beneath the slanting archways, Doktor Kaldrailstein made the last few adjustments to his work. Soon he would pull the industrial strength lever that allowed the electricity to flow, and breathe life into his creation. The terrible hybrid creature, made from the parts of deceased
Money is the issue these days. Certainly for me, because I don't have any, but also for other people. It looks like a record number of mortgage repossessions this year. If that wasn't bad enough, fines for transgressing the law are rising steadily. Up to
Some years ago I wrote a piece on another site condemning the European Union as a dictatorship in the making. Not necessarily because it is at the moment, so to speak, but because its construction lays the groundwork for those those wishing to rule without accountability.
I had said that Ireland would be forced to ratify the Treaty of Lisbon regardless of their previous vote - as the recent pressure on them demonstrates. There was also an interesting letter in the local paper this morning f
Tony Blair once told us that he wanted everyone in Britain with an internet connecrtion. Now Gordon Brown is proclaiming "The Digital Revolution" and telling us that he sees the internet as an essential part of life, as much as basic services like gas, electricity, and water. The government sees this internet growth as part of their plan for recovery from the recession.
Well that's nice isn't it? Ordering breakfast by email to the missus, sending that spreadsheet to the kids so they know wha
KS plays football three nights a week. He sports a 'hard boy' shaven head. He spends ten miniutes every morning covering every inch and fold with 'man-spray'. He's dated almost every young lady employed at this department store. Whilst he hasn't advertised the fact, he also took a short video of himself in the Dungeon sparring with a cardboard box. Quite the young man isn't he?
I had to laugh. Today he was given to Mrs T as her personal assistant. She's a mature lady who clearly wasn't going
This getting out of bed lark is starting to annoy me. Time was when I didn't mind, always rushing about to go here and there, but now? Another trek across Swindon for a doctors appointment.
Today they were going to give me a blood test. I suspect that has something to do with extracting a sample of the stuff, and since my body was designed by nature to keep all the precious red fluid inside, I also suspect some sort of puncture is required. Oh well. No pain, no gain.
So I booked in and w
I notice the control unit for Evil Robot was missing from the customer services desk at the museum. Well, although I've got better things to do than remove his restraining bolt, if he fires up I've got no way to bring him under control. Luckily this was the quiet shift so the risk to the general public was minimal. Personally I was more in danger of dropping dead from boredom.
We had a visit from none other than DW, our intrepid online journalist. It's always good to hear from him because y
The spirit of Christmas is not yet dead. I see that pensioners and beggars in Milan will get free hand-outs of caviar. Is it just me, or are the Italians doing better than Britain?
Calendar of the Week
Christmas is nearly upon us. The traditional season of thirty year old hit singles and toy adverts on tv. The same old festive movies are hitting our screens again. Well... now that I'm offically famous, I've decided to join the gravy train and announce the first official Caldrail merchandisi
It was just another day in rain soaked Swindon. A lorry rumbled past, bouncing on the road surface with loud rattles, spraying water on the faceless citizens scurrying from place to place. This is one tough town, where only the driest survive. Who knows? Maybe some mysterious dame will walk through my door and complicate my life. It was not to be. An impersonal text message arrived on my phone. SBD will collect your faulty laptop today between 07:00 and 20:00.
Oh? I wasn't informed about th
Hunger knows no bounds. With the cash I had left I couldn't resist steak & cheese burrito on my way home. Yes, I know, my finances are now forever ruined, but the delights of takeaway food were too much to ignore. So I ordered my early evening meal and waited for the chap behind the counter to stop mashing the ingredients.
To my left the approach of a pair of lads was becoming obvious. Sometimes you just know a stranger is about to accost you, and the burlier of the two ambled slowly tow
My boss was busy. Downstairs, out on the shop floor, crowds of youngsters on their half-term holiday were pouring in through the door demanding the latest fashions to wear incorrectly. I, the unkempt apprentice, was given my chores for the day and left to complete them. This was going to be a trying day. Piles of boxes had been set aside for me to process and unpack. If only there were an easy way to deal with this onerous task... If only...
In the dark and stygian stockroom, I opened a cart
You have to wonder at the motives of North Korea. They push their atomic program in directions that raise suspicions of the outside world, fire missiles into the pacific and call it a satellite launch, and now throw away the truce agreed with South Korea after their own cold war that lasted since the 50's.
How do you deal with a country that has this mindset? They seem so wrapped up in their own propaganda. Then again, I think the North Korean leadership found out that staying in power durin
Yesterday young miss T leaned over my shoulder and chatted away in her usual jovial manner as I attempted to stay focused on my jobsearch. Of course I failed. No man is capable of multitasking, young pretty blondes demand attention, and the male instinct to flirt is impossible to resist. It also happens we have compatible personalities, which is a bit worrying, because she's somewhat less than studious nor a law-abiding character at all.
"I've had enough of this." She announced in her usual
Another day, another supermarket checkout queue. My local vendor has just had a refit, and in the name of progress has installed a number of those hateful automatic tills, so the shop can save money on staff wages. Strange thing is though they've had to keep people on the payroll to show us ordinary members of the public how these machines work.
Every time I go there now a smiling happy shop assistant asks me if I want to try their gleaming new robots. I'm afraid to say their smile doesn't
