New element discovered!
The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named *Governmentium*.
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces call
Komrade Patriots:
Why is it that, if a woman wears pants and a polo shirt, she is cool; whereas if a man wears a dress and pumps, he is a degenerate?
Why are there no great female philosophers?
If evolution is a fact, why isn't a monkey dropping out of a tree now and proclaiming: "Ecce Homo"?
Queen Victoria spawned a crop of jackasses and idiots.
Not that Gaius wishes to be too severe on the 'poor lad', but a 'certain party' should know that it is against the f
IRIS has tendered to the god-Consul the intelligence that celebrations have been afoot hereabouts with regard to my recent absence. It does not displease me to inform all y'all that I am still here. Tough!
I have been tending to taxes , the felonies of my brokerage house and other baloney.
Easter went well. We had a little rain here in America. Nothing to really talk about.
I am illegitimate uncle to a 16 year old nymph. She's a junior Rockette or something like that. So I attend
WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY MANUAL
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
-U.S.Marine Cor
Komrades:
The Imperial Roman Intelligence Service (IRIS) - get it?, has intercepted a letter from busche to president chinney. For your edification, it is reproduced here. Keep in mind that this is Top Secret and for your eyes only, else it is off to Poland with you.
Deer mista prezaden?
Look, yu *CENSORED*, iv been frontin 4 yu 4 5 yeers now and everythin has gone Right. nothin iz correk. i trid to *CENSORED* up soshul sekurity n faled. then i did *GRRR!* up medakar. no
When I was a mere nipper of 7 or 8 tender years in Brooklyn* during and after WWII, there were anti-aircraft cannon emplaced on the roofs of industrial and warehouse buildings. Legionaries were on guard at all the entrances to these buildings. The lot in which we roasted stolen mickeys had a machine gun nest with pup tents for a full sized company. The repair docks were loaded with destroyers and other minor war ships. Life boats with all sorts of rations festooned the docks. They made perfect c
"Out swords and to work with all."
"Prince, pray God that is Lord of all, pardon your soul, for your time has come."
"...and came to tell me - what?"
"...this nose of mine that marches on before me by a quarter of an hour."
"No, no my own dear love, I love you not."
"...there he is, shod in marble; gloved in lead...."
------------------
"Cyrano De Bergerac"
The Majesty! The Glory! The Panache! The Honor! The Pathos!
These last few days, I have had the pleasur
Komrades:
Little Liar Libby takes the fall for prez chinney and the jolly roger. 30 years? Nah, bet a groat or a stoat that The Shame of America pardons the twerp like his alleged old man did for his fellow co-conspirators in the Iran-Contra imbroglio.
How come the bailiffs haven't hauled liver lips noback before the magistrates? Ain't he the one who spilled the beans in the liberal press?
What was that, that the Sham Prez told the polloi about his administration going to be the most
Sunday last, as I sat sad and dreary at my computer contemplating posts at UNRV, there came a banging, a gentle banging, from the streets below. Twas the garbage men alerting sleeping citizens of the approaching Midnight Hour. This I thought, and nothing more. Then there came a peace shattering tingle from the phone. Me thought a lost and lonely soul seeking solace at the Plutonian shore. This me thought, and nothing more. Twas a fellow dweller in one of the stacked apartments, seeking my omnisc
Deep thoughts for those who take life too seriously:
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the
I am sure that all y'all have noted that My Lord of the Greeks, Pantagathus :notworthy: is AWOL. You have also probably noted that he is now from Erebus. Blackness! The Son of Chaos! Mt Erebus is the world's southern most volcano, and the largest by volume. He is presently having Vulcan make a sword for him to get at those pesky weresquirrels and the protohominid who invaded the manor house. :sniper:
When matters are settled, My Lord :notworthy: will search for another place to come fro
Monday last, the Domina Claudia :wub: :wub: took off for some place in the boondocks, namely, knoxberg, 10AC. The Imperial Pro-Crastinator was supposed to be left well supplied. Well, the Old Moor Hen Shredded Sporran is almost at an end. The stompings don't look as if they will last the week. Down to the last half dozen beers. I have no idea what the things left in the fridge are.
This is the status quo:
Bride in the boondocks. :wub: :wub:
Nurse Mary in Basra. :wub:
Private Bohp
I know that you all would like to see a picture of my home in Corbridge. Picture was taken by Pertinax ere he and his Lady had dinner with us. Antiochus of Seleucia kindly put the pic in. I haven't had a chance to bring the name up to date.
Since I make fun of everyone, here's one on me:
PORCOFACIO UNSCRUPULATO
San Francisco contractor, Porcofacio Unscrupulato, 68, of Canale Capone, North Beach, died yesterday from injuries he received in the collapse of a building he was inspecting, prior to sale to Roosevelt Moses of Oakland.
Born in Molto Pubisco, Italy, Unscrupulato was brought to this country at age 11 by his parents, Regurgito and Nauseata Unscrupulato.
Active for many years in community affairs, Unscrup
Murphy's (missed a few) LAWS
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability : The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were
Subject: Police justice.
Another case of underestimating the ammo requirements.
As reported earlier this week, some dirtbag who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.
A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life piece of human garbage was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWA
It was my pleasure to have met His Greekness, Don Giovanni (aka Pantagathus) :notworthy: , about a week ago. He and his Domina trod up from one of the the outlying provinces to America. I picked him up with the Imperial Chariot somewhere in an exurb of NYC. We somehow knew each other immediately. At first, I must tell you that he is the handsome ideal of a Southern Gentleman. We yakked about many things, (strangling Ramses; putting a hex on Pertinax :notworthy: ) on our way to Brookfordshirese
Gentles:
As I suffer Early Onset Alzheimer's, I can't recall if I told you that we are joined by a fourth brother. Stiffed me on the subscription, so he is a natural for this collection. His biography runs thus:
He parks his boots in some god forsaken place called miSHH-a-gin. This land mass sits on a giant toad stool. Its main city rests on a humongous salt mine. He may be a closet neo-con. Is a devotee of Air America and Al Franken in particular. He is not ethnically acceptible.
It gives me great pleasure to announce to you that I, Don Tomasso of Brooklyn, am world famous!
If you would be so kind as to click on the below site, which is the product of one of our most eminent Forum contributors, :notworthy: you will see the reason. In addition, you will be treated to a most excellent education.
http://www.thenectarofgods.com/index.asp
I can't say that I am particularly whelmed with this eminent pertinacious personage's :notworthy: site as
Fellow Citizens!
Some of you, having not heard from me, thought I had become a member of the recently departed, and thus called to confirm that that was the case. Unfortunately, they were greatly disappointed. Some even had the temerity to ask for a return of their Golden Roman Asses - the ones they stiffed me on for the Journal. Some just could care less. No matter, I still love all y'all. Noblesse oblige, you know. Now, I shall relate what happened to me at the Saturnalia.
During t
It has devolved to the PRESENCE to relate the sad intelligence that His Grace, The Lord of the Herbs, Pertinax, :notworthy: is presently situate in the donjon of the Highland Laird, Peter of Perth. It came about in this fashion:
Whilst presiding at a Perfect Patented Pertimaxus party in a popular porter pleasure parlour in the Port of Perth in Perthshire, a Pictish piper was playing some moaning and groaning on his pipes in the pronaos. When His Grace :notworthy: had had his fill of the no
Sundry criminals have been at work on the English language for ages. It is high time these miscreants were brought to book.
Let us examine the letter "H".
Not pronounced in 'eight' where it lives; prounced in Sean where it is on vacation.
Not pronounced in 'ghost' (yes, yes, I know, it tells us how to pronounce the 'g'). OK, so, gho ghet ghum. Lets be consistent. The Irish don't bother pronouncing it in 'thanks', but they do in 'Sean'. Koo-koo, no?
Thought, bought, caught! Pronounce th
It pleases me to be the presenter of pleasant tidings pertaining to the present perigrinations of the pertinacious and puissant Lord Pertinax of Putney :notworthy: . His Grace, :notworthy: in his perpetual pursuit of pastoral provender, is perambulating through the pastures of the provinces of the Picts; picking parsley, purslane, pansies and peppermint, and imbibing potent porter. These powerful precious pearls of paradise will provide his porridge with potent palatable provisions. Paroxysms o
My Dearest Romans:
It has fallen to my saddened lamentable lot to have to inform you of the recent savaging of His Greekness, Don Giovanni :notworthy:, by a squardron of savage squirrels (Arboratus Rodentus Ratus).
Whilst he was gargling a brew, and taking in the visions of lightly clad maidens, the lately reported cowardly Red Coated vulture, cruelly interrupted his sanguine reverie and swooped down and fowlly snuffed another innocent chipmunk. This action could no longer stand. His
Fellow Boozers:
Some Korean Mooney type, named Rock Lee, has invaded America. This new blister hath sattethe on the right side of God. He hathethe commanded angels. But can't seem to get that walking on water thingy right. Probably can't do the Cana bit either.
Will trade him for a couple of millions of wetbacks - or one Brigantine - or yea, and I sayethe unto all y'all, Col. Rupert Rebel!
Domina Claudia, in Her wisdom, has just named me Pontifex Messimus. I wonder why?
Some Russian
