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A Trial Of My Life

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Sextus Roscius


Through out my life, and as through out all people's, I have faced trials if you will, though a recent one seems to be clashing with myself more and more. This is the battle of Instinct versus Brain, Hormones versus Philoshopy, and to not become something I don't wish to become. This is my battle with uncontrolable desires and feelings of attraction, from which we all suffer at one point. I don't care for my body to force me to feel things I don't wish to feel, which seems to be happening.


You see, I'm a teenager, and as we all know this is a "turbulent" time. I've found the reality far from it. I have little trouble choosing the right path and following what I beleive is important. I find the things that seemingly plauge other children my age to be childish and menial. Though while I can beat (by my standards) those around me in what I consider important, I fail to be able to control my own body. I've been struck with a horribly distracting affection for another in my grade, though I know nothing what so ever about her. She is not particularly pretty like others I know, nor is she excessively smart in any subjuct, nor does this girl talk at all, and when she does, in a voice quiter than making no noise at all.


I have taken a vow against liking some one for purely physical reasons, in beleif of that being a barbaric and purely isntincial need of the mind, though I have allowed myself to like others for intelectual reasons. We once again all know which one our bodies perfer. So, it is for this reason that I am struck with this unreasonable and useless affection. I should not be attacted to this girl, and she is a torn in my side for ceasing my ability to view certain matters impartialy. What is to do about this, I haven't the slightist.


However, despite all of this I've yet to lose my head, something that is completely under my control alone thank goodness. This is for me a sad show in my disability to control my emotions, fortuntly my youth gives me time to practice doing so. As for now, I await my fate, so aproaches M.L.J. Jr. day.

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Yikes, what an ethical problem for you even though it might not be to many others. The kind of girl you describe, well there are many out there that I know of. Yet somehow, I always do manage to make contact and break their silent barrier, because I'm really talkative and stupid, which humors them into me being their new friend. I don't know how I do it, but I do.

Sextus, you don't really need to take this situation that hard, I mean its bound to happen in life.

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I wouldn't consider this purely physical. You said she was not exactly pretty or smart, nor does she really say anything and you don't know much of anything about her. Well, romance is mystery. I say at least satisfy the curiosity and get to know her, you'll probably learn a lot about yourself. :P

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There's always a way.

Absolutely. BTW, these compulsions are not limited to the teenage years. I fall in love everyday, on the subway, in the street, watching TV! Actually, I'm all for decriminalizing rape and renaming it to "Surprise Sex". Imagine what saturday nights would be like! Yeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaa

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