The Augusta
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Blog Comments posted by The Augusta
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Vibs, have you visited the Absolute Write forum? I spent a bit of time lurking and was so impressed that I've registered. I'm only a newbie there at the mo, with about twenty-odd posts in a couple of days, but I can highly recommend it. (My user name there is Clio). I can't post the link, as mine is short-cutted on a log-in for a member, so just Google 'Absolute Write' and you'll find what you need.
But you could also give http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/ a try; it should bring up a box for registration.
If you are serious about your writing, I would suggest you join a forum such as this. There are some very knowledgeable people there - and not a few published authors. For our purposes, Scott Oden is a regular member. You don't have to be savaged (a lot of these places can be bitchy, I know). If you want to put your work up for crit, you can ask for 'kind' comments only and the like. The members range in age and there are plenty who are young, just starting out, so give it a go.
It is a massive forum (probably larger than UNRV) and you should find lots of help when reading through some of the old threads there. There is a full section for historical fiction.
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"The next thing I noticed was a warm wetness on my trouser leg. Fido was here."
This brings me nicely to a joke told to me by a friendly taxi-driver. What is the difference between a poodle peeing down your leg and a Rottweiler peeing down your leg?
You let the Rottweiler finish.
Well, I quite liked it... -
Semi-colon versus comma usage is something that is gained more by experience than anything else, Vibs - so I wouldn't worry too much about it. In fact, the usage has changed over the years. In the past, where grammar books would insist on a strict semi-colon, a comma is now all that is required. If you put your grammar checker on Word, it will probably pick up the semi-colon/comma usage for you. But as a general rule, if a sentence contains two main clauses side by side, that could feasibly stand alone, a semi-colon is used rather than a comma. Semi-colons are also used for 'listing' things. In your extract above:
"Shrines and temples were filled with boisterous men cheering and jeering as animals were sacrificed. Vibius glimpsed the tavern, it was alive with energy. "
I would use a semi-colon here, but I think you could probably get away with a comma. In fact, one could also use a full colon! (Just to confuse you further- lol)
"The tavern was bursting with life. Men from all backgrounds were merrily chanting or drinking. A Roman soldier and a peasant sat side by side gulping from two large urns, both were sloshing the red liquid about them."
Again, I would use a semi-colon, but as I said in my previous post, this is quite pedantic of me.
Seriously, Vibs - don't worry about it. I doubt your teacher in school would mark you down on such a thing as this.
Again, one way to check the usage is to see it used by your favourite authors. You'll soon pick up the knack, and it will become natural.
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The Adam's apple isn't even that noticeable. LOL Only a smidge more than most women have.Are you joking LW? If I saw a woman with an Adam's Apple like that, I'd be looking under her dress!
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And has no one noticed how interactive Autumn has become this year? It wishes to announce its dreary wet presence on an intimate level. On Monday, I went to lunch late, and Autumn knew it! It was so filled with artificial intelligence that it nodded to the skies at the exact moment I was walking up to Sainsbury's in Hazel Grove. The result was a drenched, cold, shivering medical secretary who swore a lot.
I thought I could defy the little devil by putting off my journey home for an hour. Whilst I was on the bus, Autumn behaved itself, painting the dusk with gold and all sorts of anthropomorphic nonsense. But as soon as my foot alighted in Manchester, the heavens lowered and a deluge ensued. The result was a very wet, and by this stage, tired medical secretary, who swore even more.
Today, I was clever. I took an umbrella. Autumn, however, decided to sport with me by employing gusts of wind, thus countering my little unilateral tortoise formation. The result.... yes, you've guessed it.
And it used to be such a nice season - ask John Keats!
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May I commit heresy here? We visited Arbeia on our recent Hadrian's Wall trip in July, and I have to say, of the four forts we visited, I found Arbeia to be the most disappointing. To anyone who has seen the preserved frescoes of Pompeii, Rome itself, or Livia's villa at Prima Porta, the reconstructions were tawdry and shabby to say the least. Whilst I appreciate the difficulties in matching ancient colours with modern pigments, I really did cringe at the crude representations at Arbeia. I also found the eclectic nature of the reconstructions to be something of a problem. We had Third and Second Style Roman wall paintings set in a 2nd century AD setting.
All in all, a big turn-off for me, I'm afraid. Sometimes, it is perhaps better to leave the ruins as they are and let imagination supply the missing fragments.
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Hi, Vibs - from a fellow sufferer.
OK - let's get this show on the road. We'll do it bit by bit:
"Shrines and temples were filled with boisterous men cheering and jeering as animals were sacrificed. Vibius glimpsed the tavern, it was alive with energy. The noise drew Vibius in with a smile igniting his face."
Ambiguity here. It sounds like the noise is smiling! A bit clunky. The sentence structure is also passive, which is an immediate no-no to agents/publishers. 'Men filled the shrines and temples' rather than them being filled etc. You don't need the 'boisterous' qualifier. If men are cheering and jeering, the reader will know they are boisterous. Try to knock out the weak 'was' and 'were' and use stronger verbs.
"The tavern was bursting with life. Men from all backgrounds were merrily chanting or drinking. A Roman soldier and a peasant sat side by side gulping from two large urns, both were sloshing the red liquid about them. Tables and chairs spilt out onto the road - all full with men."
Ambiguity again - is the road filled with men, or the tables and chairs?
"A thick tree bough was standing in an iron bracket above the doorway. Crowned with flames, it illuminated most of the outside along with the table candles. It wept shards of flame into the air as it flickered orange light onto the cheerful faces below. Vibius walked inside, out of the chilling night air and into the warmth."
'It wept shards of flame' is really good here. However, just a wee nit-pick - the Romans did not use the term 'orange', as the fruit was unknown to them. Change your light to yellow or red. 'Out of the night air and into the warmth' is redundant here. The reader has got the picture, so Vibiius just needs to walk inside.
"An armoured soldier walked by with a grey faced man muttering to himself incoherently. The soldier placed him by the door and he fell asleep instantly, still muttering with a toothless smile on his lips. The soldier let out a deep laugh and turned back inside. A seat was free at the counter and Vibius sat himself down admiring the armour. It was well made and looked good but he doubted it would hold up to a really powerful lunge. Vibius looked away as he thought of what his father would say about the armour and even worse, what he was doing."
I'm with Stephen King - 'The Adverb is NOT your friend'. You don't need 'incoherently' after the muttering. If a man mutters, we know his words are incoherent. 'Instantly' follows in the very next sentence.
"Vibius yer turned up, I thought yer weren't goin' to come? 'Ave a free drink lad." Said the friendly tavern keeper handing Vibius a drink with a gnarled hand."
Again, ambiguity. Did the drink have a gnarled hand, or the tavern keeper? I would also agree with Neph, that the dialogue of the tavern keeper leaps out at us as anachronistic. Using dialectical speech in dialogue is very dicey. Instead, try to show that the tavern keeper is a rough sort by the words he uses, or his strange twists of grammar, while still trying to keep it authentic to the period.
An example: "Evening, Vibius. Bit late for you, isn't it? This one's free - enjoy it, lad!"
But there's certainly the basis of something here, Vibs - keep at it; give it a spit and a polish, and see what comes up. Let's see some more!
Hehe - there's also a couple of commas that should be semi-colons, but I'm not going to be that pedantic.I'll post a bit of mine for you to see and we can have a mutual exchange. Good luck with your project.
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Telling the truth gets us no better thought of, Calders. I was once credited with the best excuse ever for being late for work.
On my way to the bus one morning, two little children ran up to me crying. I had to help them. There was a tiny kitten crying in the bushes.
Being of a feline-friendly nature I could not walk away and went to investigate. An abandoned little black runt, its eyes not yet open. I had to take it home and hand it over to my mother to keep safe until I returned from work. Needless to say, I missed the bus and had to get a later one.
I could have said I overslept, and the boss would have grinned and let me off. Telling him about the kitten, however, brought a frown and that terrible, piercing gaze that betrayed his utter disbelief.
We can't win, you know - we Honest Johns and Jills.
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Oh, well done, Sarah, old bean! (How's that for a bit of Britishspeak for you?)
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Thank you all! There's still a little way to go, as I now have to revise it - but only intend to do ONE revision, which I have begun already (as of today), and find it a hell of a lot easier than the drafting. Revision is much more rewarding when you know the story is complete and you can work within the guidelines, as it's only tickling up here and there and polishing. This shouldn't take more than a couple of weeks at most.
But I want ideas from all you guys for the damned title! Remember - I fully intend to make it into a trilogy eventually, this first book stops in 35BC. I can't think of anything that doesn't sound corny!
And a joke for my long-suffering buddy, GPM: What's the difference between Man United and a triangle? A triangle has three points.
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Wait a minute dear Augusta...
Is your plan to have this published? How many parts? 2? Why not just break it up into more parts? Valerio Massimo Manfredi did his Alexander series in 3 parts and all were best sellers.
Think about extra publishing $$$ that you might be missing out on!
Well, if the gods are kind, Pan, I do intend to submit it for publication. I submitted a MS years ago to Macmillan - that was a novel more about Augustus than his dear wife, and told from a multiple POV. Macmillan told me I could definitely write well enough to achieve publication of a novel, but they wanted 'a more modern subject' (Rome was not in vogue at the time). They actually asked me to submit something else, but I never did. So, I am hoping to jump on the bandwagon at the moment. I really don't want to write about anything other than Rome.
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Try using a smaller font!
I like big stories that let me live them for a longer time but 400 pages it's long enough... I'm sure you can cut out the nurse
Ah, no - I cannot cut out the nurse's character altogether. She has a very crucial part to play - trust me. 400 pages, Kosmo? I can read forever if the story is good enough, but after wading through 4 volumes of Scott's Boudica at 600+ a volume, I know where you're coming from....
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Livia's nurse having a miscarriage?? Chop! chop! chop!
You've got to be ruthless Augusta or this book will never be finished, if you're not then it will be a tale of epic proportions and it'll probably weigh about two stone!!
Hehe - yes, I know. And I was only joking about that miscarriage....!
Actually I've cut down the first 45 pages to 20 this afternoon by conveying essential information in a different way and it has worked a treat - so I am well on the way.
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I read an American review online today, in which the reviewer told us that Marcus Agrippa declares his love for Octavia.
Huh? Marcus Agrippa and Octavia...in love?
Despite this quirk, I'll still give series 2 a look. If I can stomach Uli Edel's 'Julius Caesar', then I can definately tolerate the inaccuracies of Rome 2 (I hope...)
Ahem - getting back to this for the briefest of moments.... I watched the repeat on Thursday night of Episode One of Series 2. It was well-acted.
I can't think of anything more constructive to say. I hope everyone else enjoys it. I won't be watching.
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Well, now back in the land of the living, having seen off two very tricky centaurs with Medusa shields; an enormous, cute T-Rex (it was a pity to kill him); old Torso mutant who got his hands shot off; and our end-of-game Natla - harder than she was in the original but still a breeze for a vet raider like me. That game was tough, and I played it on 'Hard' mode throughout. Probably the best TR since the classics of the 90s - good puzzles, tricky timed sequences. Her new bullet-time dodge and wall run. Wall run? Gods - she's not fit to kiss the tip of Prince's dagger with that! She has to use a grapple! Don't talk to me about that damned grapple! One level took 30 tries with that bloody thing! All good fun. Time to put on my serious head again....
And now back to business - I have to finish Signor Severo for the Forum. The Augusta dons her stola again, citizens.
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I am so glad you had a great time, Gaius. Your wife should be made an honorary empress! And I knew you'd love Piazza Navona. You now have the perfect excuse to go back, as there is far too much to enjoy in two days.
So, whoever warned you that the Spanish Steps and Trevi were too full of crowds was right! (It may have been Mosquito or Maladict - can't quite remember). But at least I hope you managed to toss a coin in to ensure your return!
I loved your photos. What is your zoom? 200mm?
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First comment - I haven't finished your blog yet, but will put you out of your misery before I go on:
The inscription on the Pantheon reads: Marcus Agrippa, son of Lucius, built [this] in his third consulship (i.e. 37BC). Hadrian at least allowed him to keep his inscription!
I'll be back...
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You have been missed - one even misses an aching tooth, ya know!
As to your Sweet Sixteen party - two comments:1) What happened when you woke up? - maidens falling at your feet, indeed.... Tsh!
2) I take it the Scotch friend was in a glass? Caledonians hate to be called Scotch - they are Scot or Scots!
Even the lowliest god-consul would know that
Seriously - glad to know all is well with you.
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In your view, did Livia love Octavian? Why?
In my view - most certainly not! (Sorry Cato - I hadn't seen this comment - I'm hardly ever in my own profile!). It is my opinion that she eventually came to respect Augustus after years of marriage and may even have grown fond of him in the latter years - but I have no delusions that she fell hook line and sinker.
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Lovely stuff, Beloved. But what is this obsession with Poe? I require a parody of 'Usher' or 'Rue Morgue' within the week, done in your own inimitable style.
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Ah - the finer points of US politics? I am afraid I am not an initiate and require a translation, O great esteemed One!
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'Ah!' - quoth She - and seeks to know
'Why doth this sound as though it's Poe?'
Edgar Allen eat your little fat heart out! The God-Consul has surpassed you!
:wub: :wub: :wub: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:
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Yep - Fabregas has got away with quite a lot over the last couple of seasons. And on Sunday, there was no doubt about it - he and Lamps should have both gone off for their part in the silly handbags! (And like you, I think he is one of the best young players in the Prem - but needs to grow up fast)
As for JT - he's now fine, bless him! I suppose I should have known - that head would have needed to come off to keep him down - and even then he would have had it stapled back on! JT should have been a Roman!
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I hope Arsenal gets better too, soon.
The Arsenal youngsters played a very good game, Ram. In 2-3 years time they will be the terror of the Premiership. They just need to combine the beautiful passing game with clinical finishing. It's all very well having flair and style, but if you turn back in the penalty box to go for 23 more passes - what happens? A defender takes the ball off your foot, passes it out to a striker of Drogba's quality and boom - the ball is in the other net! The youngester paid for their inexperience yesterday, but even so, it was a riveting match and I am sure they will be a force to be reckoned with in the future.
Obama: McCain "like Cato".
in M. Porcius Cato's Blog
A blog by M. Porcius Cato in General
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Neph - now I'm really confused. I thought Kato was in The Pink Panther - not the Green Hornet?????? Help - liberal dose of American popular culture needed to interpret election jibes.