I apologize that I've been gone for so long. I just couldn't bring myself to come back for quite a while becuase I lost my intrest in Rome for a moment, then summer came and I've been jumping around. Anyways, now I'm back, but probley won't be very constructive for a week or so...
Anyways, just has possibly the best day of the summer yesterday for reasons too long to explain. Basiccally just happy to be back. Thats all I've got to say for now I guess.
Well, today was a good day. I had little homework, and I spent most of the day bobing around in various things. I went on a nice trip with my dad to Sears and then to some other stops in the convertable (which I think he bought out of his mid-life crisis) which was fun. We started talking about politics and what was going on. My dad is different from me in political views in a lot of ways, but we are the same in some. He is very anti-muslim. He sits on the stand point that even though not all of them are bad, the world would be better of without them. I must agree with him actually, we have often discussed how within a century Muslims are going to rule europe, which angers me immensly.
You see, for a person like me who is decidedly a western man, this is just about THE WORST thing that can possibly happen. I'm annoyed at Islam, but thats the final straw for me. As a lover of europe and what it stands for, it is too mind-numingly angering to think of Europe being ruled by muslims. Its obvious that muslims, even the better off ones in europe breed (not literaly, but more in a collective sense in comparison to non-muslim europe) like flies. We all know about the declining birth rates in europe, so it is obvious that this will become a major problem. Its so angering, I can't describe it.....
On another note, we were in an awkward conversation about how neither side is right. The leftys are going to become subserviant to the muslim world and the middle east, while the rightys are going to countinue to fight a losing battle. This is were I think my own political ideas come in, but for the moment they can't do anything about whats going on. Basicaly, I'm feeling very scared and pessimistic tonight, not to mention very anti-muslim.....
Well, I had my palm read today. Not much of value. Stuff about I was going to either become a very religious man or die early in life, I will be married in my late 30s, I'm agressive and what not. I think palm reading is a bunch of huey though, after all, the outcome is purely a result of the conditions around you and more imporantly, your hand. If it is very cold out, you hand will have a lot of blood in it, or very little blood, which woul affect the "signs" appearing in your hand, this means that the "signs" that appear are different most likely and that can conflict with your previous "signs" etc.
Also, I'm expecting a very boring day tomorrow, not much out of the ordinary...
1. Primetime (make up for your mistakes time)
2. Gym (warm up period)
3. Latin (best class ever, not to mention class with my best friend and the girl I admire)
4. Science (working on a project, not much of intrest)
5. Math (Boringness defined very blankly)
6. Lunch (Oh boy, 30 minutes of watching Olympic Hockey and chowing down with my friends)
7. L.A. (Boring as hell wouldn't have it becuase we are working *shackes* grammar which is now evil to me after taking some latin. What the hell is the point of Diagraming sentances anyway in a language I speak much better than just about any other kid in my grade.)
8. Social Studies (doing African history which stinks...just can't get into it)
9. Band (Our teacher is hyper insane-o now about getting all our songs perfect down to the last note, which is quite a strain for us trumpets becuase we have a very hard part for some of these songs)
And then schools out... Thats just an example of a day for me.
One of the sites that I frequent daily. Today boasting a very silly and anti-love valentines day joke front page. If that puts you off, look up some articles, Uncyclopedia won't let you down (the front page will say Emotopedia for today though)
Well, I've got really nothing to complain about, though I'm sure something will emerge as I write this, and consequently I'll have to change the title, but oh well.
Of my most pressing matters to contend with, is a band concert on march the 8th, which happens to be my sisters birthday. However, thats the least of my worries about the concert, its in a month and we got our music a week or so ago, which (any one who's been in a concert band would tell you) is not alot of time to prepare it, especially with 4 peices total, the longest of which is 9 minutes (though its a conglomoration of songs) which will take a while to perfect.
Also, tomorrow is Valentines day (I think I spelled that wrong) which is to me no major holiday, infact, its sort of worse than a normal day (except for coming home and eating all of my mom's chocolates ) Some people make a large hipe over it, though that is merely media induced. I find the holiday annoying enough that sometimes I completely don't respond when people talk to me about it, though last year I participated in the festivities of fake love notes, doing and giving dares, and all the rest of the speill. Wasn't that fun, so I think I shan't do it this time round.
All said and through though, things are going fine for me, and the world doesn't have any major even happening today. Absolutley lovely, and hey, I guess I didn't have to change the title...
Goths, we all know the general style, dyed hair, dressed in all black all the time, strange religions that seem to encourage depression (such as wiccan, etc) and general glumness.
Oh all things, of all peoples, of all sub-cultures, I hate this group the most. The reason, simple, it takes people with good prospects for life and who are inteligent, and turns them into depressed, poor-preforming, unsocial members (or outcast depending on your view) of society. The problem, is that these people are going no where, and there is no laws that stop them from doing so. Unlike Gangsters and their lot, who tend to be going backwards till they hit jail and then that solves things often times, goths and the sub-culture (on the large majority) don't go anywhere, they neither advance themselves, yet they don't fall back.
This leads to depression, which is a result of many converging forces, a number of them their fault, others not so. This depression becomes all consuming, and when one is depressed, they become more of a goth, and the cycle continues with a black hole into deeper and deeper areas of sadness, until one day they kill themselves. This cycle is breakable, but sometimes it is too late to undo the negative effects being a goth has had on their life. To add matters worse, wiccan (as an example of a religion) is very supressing, in the belief that all humans are mere ripples in a river of life (which I think is totaly poppycock) which is obviously a mental deterant.
All in all, I hate the gothic sub-culture, becuase it largely leads its members towards oblivion. I've seen the effects first hand on friends of mine, and it is a sad fall which ends up in not very pretty places...so I hate it, the idea of the sub-culture is useless and a demeanor to society, nothing more, and it is impossible to be less...
"We have chosen not to show these comics tonight on the ethical grounds that we are scared to."
Yes, these comics seem to have sprung up from such a tiny, and seemingly unimportant newspaper in Denmark. Images such as depicting the prophet Muhammad with a bomb in his turbin have struck off WORLD WIDE muslim anger and now literaly thousands, if not millions, with hateful feelings towards the cheerful northern European country of Denmark. Though the Dutch have tolerance for all of this, and the gov't of Denmark has not chosen to proscute Flemming Rose, editor of the newspaper which published the cartoons, for his actions.
Flemmings says that the cartoons of the Prophet were not intended to say that all Muslims, or the prohpet Muhammad are terrorists, but merely to make an assualt on censorship of possibly insulting ideas to Muslims or other organizations. His goal was to make the point of saying that in Denmark, everyone was equal and that just becuase somebody was a Muslim, didn't mean that they had a right to inforce their religious views on the rest of a free nation. He also recognizes and agrees that a small minorty of Islamic extremists have given the followers of the normaly peaceful religion of islam a bad name.
Personaly, I'm appalled at all the arguements, personaly, I side with Flemmings and agree with him and his statements. In a democracy, we can not allow people to be more important that each other, or otherwise risk underminding the very principles of democracy. I beleive that while it was a fairly stupid and neglectant move to forget how easily, given the current world situation, that a comic like the ones presented could easily be misinterpreted into something rude and/or insulting about the religion of Islam or its founder, Muhammad.
Well, I thought long and hard, and I've gone through my head many times over what to do, I've fought with myself, with my better instincts, and all my codes of life. I've decided to break my strict regimen for the sake of my mental health and for self indulgence, for I fear I can't hurt myself too much.
I've decided that I should persuse my feelings, what ever they be, for the girl at school, and try to at least get her so say a word that I can hear (she is excessively quite) if all goes well, perhaps I'll have a new friend or something more, though I'm of course presuming far too much over how things will go and what will happen, I feel that my moral codes require a brief break every now and then for my sake. Otherwise I think I may end up snapping one fine day and doing something insane, so shortly, I fear for my mental health.
Anyways, I'd appreciate if anyone had any say on my decision, or cared to help me in my enveadouvers.
Miserus Sextus, so seemingly lonesome.
I've grown more and more apart from some people that I used to have daily conversations with. The girl that I dispise and hate but was still friends with, I now rarely talk to. Another person who I used to have conversations with is a Half-gothic Wiccan, who now hates me. My old friends seem to remain though, which is lovely for me. Aparently I'm the type of person that people love to follow around, which is to my advantage.
Otherwise though, I'm relatively alone. I have no one in the world that I can share my thoughts with, some one that will listen without rebuttal, but some one I can also have a debate with. Thats what I think I'm longing for the most right now. I also have that little nagging feeling that the person my mind seems so latched onto right now might be the answer to that, but logice tells me other wise, that I'm trying to destroy a cloud with a plane, barking up the wrong tree.
Fortunetly, I know how to deal with things like this and so It causes me little if any trouble emotionaly or socialy, but its a nag at the back of my head that I can't get through with. What bugs me even more is I can't get this beyond me, I feel like, and know, that I should be above such silly hormonal things, I suppose I can't deny my body some degree of normality.
Just leaving me with the feeling, have I gone too farther than some one my age can go?
Miserus Sextus, est disscredit eum Imperium
A clip from "The Producers" by Mel Brooks
the song is entitled
Spring Time for Hitler
Germany was having trouble, what a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where, Oh where was he? Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me.
And now it's..
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Come on, Germans, go into your dance
I was born in Dusseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Goosestep's the new step today
bombs falling from the skies again
Deutschland is on the rise again
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Uboats are sailing once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Means that soon we'll be going
We've got to be going
You know we'll be going to WAR!
And here is the actual Music
Spring Time for Hitler
Well, this time comes around every year now. You see, a couple of years ago, I made $300 watching dogs while people were away. Due to some very careful and disciplined spending, as well as only using the money people give me to by things now, I've only lost a portion of the original 300 dollar sum, which is now brough down to 250 dollars aproximatly.
Of course, every now and then (about every 6 to 12 months) I get a great desire to spend my money on something novelty. Unfortuntly, money does burn holes through peoples pockets, and I'm no different. So, I'm trying to add on to my collection of things Roman, including building a small library of Roman Literature, collecting some coins, and now I've set my sights on the infamous gladius, though my room is dressed in mideivil decor (burgandy walls, several tapestries mounted in different areas, a sheild hanging on the wall, nice bow in one corner) I have a desire to add another touch to it by getting a sword.
Of course, the trouble is convincing my mom to let me get it. I think I might be able to win out on "you bought my sisters all this stuff, for free, I'm offering to pay for this" but I'm not sure. Maybe I'll get it, maybe I won't. I lie in hope.
Yes yes yes, I need to vent. I'm completely upset today for no particular reason about the Terrorists! Stupid stupid stupid terrorists. I agree that western culture (american in particular) is far too sexual, and that something needs to change that, but I doubt they or we are going to get any where by being gun-slinging nut jobs on a stick....
Though my least favorite part, is knowing that its OUR country's fault for letting Iran become a nuclear power...
Please, in responses, don't give me any "why can the rest of the world not have nukes if america can. shouldn't we get rid of all our nukes before we go about getting rid of other country's nukes?" thats the junk that my social studies teacher hands out on a daily basis.
I've scoured my mind for reasoning, none to be found. Looked to different philosophies, nothing to help me. Finaly I resorted to seeing what they actually say in health class, not too much help either.
I can't figure it out with that girl, so enigmatic and attracting, but gosh darn it my feelings are just stupid childish things, no reasoning to it at all. I've come to the conclusion that its hormones acting up in my teenage years, curse them for befuddling my thinking. Pretty sure I suppose I'm going to break my regamen and have to indulge myself in more serious relations with the opisite sex, though no one seems for me.
Such are the menial problems of a teenager. We are so silly, making big deals over small matters like this... ah... alas.... my problems are silly, and I shouldn't be so worried about this. Its just got me thinking, our my philosophies of life and the doctrine by which I live so strict, and that I deny myself so many things that other chlidren my age indulge in freely, that I'm the one at fault. Perhaps, but for now I'm still thinking...
Ah, so I am confronted so oftenly now with where I stand politicaly. Of course, like all things there is a history to this, and I beleive I am now beleiving in a form of democratic socialism (by some people's standards) though I have found no political party in existance that matches what I beleive. Well, as far as my political beleifs, they've gone through several phases:
1. First off, I cared nothing for politics. This was as a young child. I lived in the "bubble" of early childhood with little to know exposure to the out side world. I supported my parents as all young children, in being a democrat, though I had little intrest in things at all. I remeber to this day what I said 6 years ago durring the 2000 elections. "So dad, his name is george, like you, does that mean we like him?" and I was so severly disinterested that I thought some one was better becuase of their name. Looking back I understand where I was coming from, back then I was still faintly part of the youth that would become what teenagers are today. Uncaring in general for the "outside" world and had no idea how it affects my life. To summarize, I was a democrat without knowing. If some one had asked me, thats how I would've replied.
2. Eventually I grew more and more fansinated with history. My world war 2 loving friend had influenced me in many ways I didn't realize at the time, also at this time I was agnostic, and I still beleived partialy in that what was going on with the president was a good things, and unexposed to the negative consequences of it for our nation, I half supported the president. Though my thoughts and ideas were overlooked by myself and I considered democrats to be superior without any explanation, such is a common occurence for younger children. So in this case, I was starting to see som evils in what had happened, though also some goods. All said and through, i was still learning about the world. Learning more and more in specific about Rome and WWII. Both are histories full of fantastic good and horrible evil, I also was just begining to have a middle ground between good and evil, and so I had trouble recognizing something. Still, through and through I was a democrat, but influenced by some republican Ideals that made sense to me.
3. My third stage of political development was in 5th and sixth grade. It was then that I was fully capable of realizing good and evil, and was forming my own philsophies on life. Things I could more and more identify with the ideas of people I consider "greats" though my standard of judging is different than some in judging great, becuase "great" implies no meaning of good or evil, and so I took the good asspects from both the good and the evil to form my own philosophies. Learning what worked and didn't work, and how to use that to my advantage. Also learning more and more about WWII and especialy Rome, Rome was my favorite and best subject through and through.
Loving all things Roman I indulged my self in it, looked for anything I could find, and read it. Learned from it, watching documentaries in my spare time for entertainment. Absolutely obsessed. Through doing all of this, I came to my current philosphy which is still developing. I came to my beleif that a two party government is wrong, and is not effective. I also came to learn, that a democratic government, can not be overthrown. A person can not destroy a democracy as though they can destroy a regime. I also learned how the Roman republic was a sucessful way of government, and that (through my athiestic policies) that people can be made to beleive anything if taught it from a young age, and that human faith is not divine in any way, and that I bleive that man created god in it's own form (that is argueable) and not the other way around.
So that is where I stand now, in the third stage. Now developing my philsophies and working towards my own goals. That is where I stand. Neither with Democrats or Republicans. I beleive in sort of a middle ground of the parties, and a different form of government. So that is where my political opinions are now, and how I got there.
Through out my life, and as through out all people's, I have faced trials if you will, though a recent one seems to be clashing with myself more and more. This is the battle of Instinct versus Brain, Hormones versus Philoshopy, and to not become something I don't wish to become. This is my battle with uncontrolable desires and feelings of attraction, from which we all suffer at one point. I don't care for my body to force me to feel things I don't wish to feel, which seems to be happening.
You see, I'm a teenager, and as we all know this is a "turbulent" time. I've found the reality far from it. I have little trouble choosing the right path and following what I beleive is important. I find the things that seemingly plauge other children my age to be childish and menial. Though while I can beat (by my standards) those around me in what I consider important, I fail to be able to control my own body. I've been struck with a horribly distracting affection for another in my grade, though I know nothing what so ever about her. She is not particularly pretty like others I know, nor is she excessively smart in any subjuct, nor does this girl talk at all, and when she does, in a voice quiter than making no noise at all.
I have taken a vow against liking some one for purely physical reasons, in beleif of that being a barbaric and purely isntincial need of the mind, though I have allowed myself to like others for intelectual reasons. We once again all know which one our bodies perfer. So, it is for this reason that I am struck with this unreasonable and useless affection. I should not be attacted to this girl, and she is a torn in my side for ceasing my ability to view certain matters impartialy. What is to do about this, I haven't the slightist.
However, despite all of this I've yet to lose my head, something that is completely under my control alone thank goodness. This is for me a sad show in my disability to control my emotions, fortuntly my youth gives me time to practice doing so. As for now, I await my fate, so aproaches M.L.J. Jr. day.
Ah, alas, I haven't written on this lovely blog of mine for a while, but I'm coming back to it with the start of the new year. With the new year, new relevations have come about me.
Among the strangest of these, is I've realized that I have a friend, who is an almost exact personification in what I see wrong with lots of things, other kids my age more specificaly.
Let me set the picture for you, she is a relitively successful student. She does not fail, but she does not ace every class. Some how she has managed to make it to my grade with little set backs. She exhibits little force in her school work, and cares little for it. She is pretty, which may be the only thing that has kept her from being hated by anyone and everyone in the school. She has just moved from california, and hates north carolina, saying most things here are stupid compared to her great Bay Area. She lives in the same Neighborhood as me, which is a neighborhood for the upper ranges of the middle class. This means she gets everything she wants pretty much.
This girl also is very populare with many of the boys, mainly becuase she is pretty and dumb, which seems to, for some reason that has no particular appeal to me, be a positive thing in her mind. She is ultimatly, the person who would much rather look at pictures of boys, and I mean the wierd, dumb, ignorant, yet some how attractive to girls type, who make it by with realitively the same circumstances and abilities as the girl I speak of, rather than have an inteligent conversation with some one else.
Her attitude is almost a perfect reflection of pop culture in my opinion. Vulgar, stupid, physicaly, not mentaliy appealing ideas and thoughts expressed by music, movies, general attitude of the movie and music stars, and other things related.
I apologize for the jumble of different info with little organization, I write this in the moment of thinking.
I have a religion in a sense, which is not Christianity, Budhism, Hinduism, Islam, or Polytheist. I am a Athiest which in a sense is a religion. I'm an Athiest for certain reasons. My religious stand-point has gone through several phases. This was one of the trials of my life.
1. When I was a little kid I was a christian. I was not old enough to think if something was logical or illogical yet so a full heartedly believed in a higher power. I didn't know the things I know now and nothing was stoping me from seeing things in a religious way. At this point I was even arguing that God existed and I ocassionaly, but not often, prayed for something to happen. I hoped that God would some day fix problems on earth and solve the suffereing and problems I knew existed.
2. Later on, in about 2nd grade, I made a friendship with a now great friend of mine. He was obsessed with history, WWII in particular, was very religious, and was also a Republican. He was one of the deciding factors I beleive that shaped me into the person I am today. He was very interested in the Nazi Party, and at that age we weren't conscerned about how horrible something was, or how good something was, all we cared was what it was, how it happened, why it happened, who made it happened, and whether it was cool. This gave me a equal stand point on WWII, I knew about the halocaust, but becuase I had also learnt about all the advances the Nazi party had made in terms of war-fare and engenieering I had a different opinion on it. I not only saw what happened, but what made it happened.
That spirt has lived on with me, and I began to question all what I beleive to be clear flaws and warps of reality in Christianity. I was now uncertain over whether it was right or wrong, whether the earth was gods creation or not. I saw both good and evil in everything becuase of all my time with my friend. I began to wonder why God would make something evil do good things, and if God is all forgiving, why does he only give you one chance at life. I didn't beleive in reincarnation, but I was then at that point an Agnostic, unsure of what to do.
3. The third phase of my religious stand point took place a few years ago when I became obsessed with Rome and her glory, power, prestige, genious, and culture. Rome had a ever changing effect on my life in a religious stand point. It was at some time durring my reading that I heard a few words that changed me.
"A little known fact, is what is poupularly beleived is commonly true"
In those words, I realized to myself "why would one sixth of the world be right, while the other 5/6s are wrong? So many people can not be mistaken, and if 1/6 is right, then by rule, they should be able to provide enough proof to prove their point." and so I was confirmed by that as an Atheist. I was a shaky one at best, but still an Atheist.
Later on I studied science more, read the works of great people, and overall became more knowlegable about the world around me as I grew older. The older I got, the more of an Atheist I was. Thus comfirmed in my non-God beleifs.
If anyone i wondering why I've written this peice on my religous stand point over time. Don't ask, I myself am not sure.
Among the frequent trials of my life, being the odd ball, the unpopular, the hated, the pessimistic, the nerd, the freak, and the history geek. I was plagued as any one would be with periods of time were I hated myself and all those around me.
The turbulence of my early childhood, lookingback, seems to have been caused mostly by deaths of those in my family, who at the time were discarded in my mind becuase I didn't realize that their death affected me. As a young child I was racist, from which I have gone away from. I think the cause for that is not so much I hated people becuase of the color of their skin but what I hated about what I beleived (at the time) they represented and I made horribly mistaken biased opinions off those. I was also at a young age drawn to looking at the other side of things becuase of a friend of mine who was obsessed with learning about WWII and Nazi Germany in particular which gave me a different look at what they did than many others draw becuase I was exposed at the same time and in equal amounts the horrors they wreaked and the things they managed to achompish. I've had a interesting life far different from that of the average school kid, as can be seen considering I'm only in middle school and have earned a name for myself among scholars and teachers on this website and in other areas.
But never, in all my years of living, have I seriously considered killing myself. It goes against my doctrine of life by all accounts. Since middle school started I've met multiple people who seriosuly thought about or had already tried to commit suicide. To some of which I held affection, to some I did not. The many people thinking of suicide is almost frightning. I suppose I am naive in thinking there wouldn't be so many, but the number is still disturbing. So I am left with that thought in the back of my mind now, and driven by it.
So often are humans foucused on emotion, that they forget why they feel a certain emotion when a certain thing happens, and instead relate that thing to the emotion with out thought.
When some one insults you, you get angry, why would you not instead become happy? There is more explaination for the latter than their is for the common answer. One might become happy becuase they realize that the person insulting them has stooped a level below where they are becuase the agressor took a pre-emtive assualt without immediate provocation.
Wheras the general case of when some one is insulted they imediatly become angery and take the offensive when words have no affect on them at all, but the instinctial reaction takes over and causes that person to make a rebuttal instead of thinking to themselves that they are the superior without justification becuase the agressor has proved his inferiority.
Such is common occurence.
I was watching the news a few days ago and saw the rage of black friday. I even went shoping in it for a bit. After the experiance, I relized how insane some people will go over a game console, more specificaly, the XBox 360.
Such insanity I've seen before, like when a ice storm hit my town, or when the great black out of 2003 hit and everyone went into a panic. Those were all more major events and everyone freaked becuase of the sudden change. But, such hussle over a game console is simply unreasonable.
Reports of Gun-Point Robberys, Muggings, Black market selling, and even people betting on them for more than 5 times the whole-sale price. I laughed at it for a second, then thought. "that is really sad, that so many people would waste so much money and effort for a video game, america..." Since then I've wondered just how bad are we.
Ah school, were you go to learn and socialize, but, I dread this place unlike my usual enthusiasm for learning (well at least compared to my peers) becuase of something scary that takes place tomorrow.
I go back to school from my wonderful 5 day vacation, 4 of which I spent up in michigan where it snowed and I had a great time. 1 of those days on vacation I spent in a car if you total the to and from times. So, I came back from the trip, and thoughts of school and friends came rushing back to my mind, and I realized that I had the most dreaded task (at least for me), Gym class.
Gym class at my school is taken to a new level of annoyance becuase:
a. I'm not very athletic, not fat, just I don't like sports much.
b. Our Gym teacher Coach Byle loves to make you do warm ups for ever, and I mean literaly 30 of the 45 minutes of class.
c. A long, hard to make trip from the Gymnasium to latin class that comes imediatly after.
d. Being sweaty for a entire class period
e. having to do lots of work when I'm still waking up at 8:30 am
So to conclude, I'm going to be in a foul mood for a few days, if not a few weeks. At least I've got my birth day to look forward to on Saturday.
As I lumbered out of the 12 hour car trip from Michigan, fatigued and ready to hit the hay, I turned on my computer, went to UNRV.com and logged in. What do I see to my surprise! But, a notice flashing up in my face telling me I had been promoted to equestrian status by the omnisceint Triumvirate. It brought a spark to my eyes and I told the few people who I had avadible to tell at 10:30 PM and then got to doing my blog.
Well, with much happiness, I know wait for something exciting to happen so I can post it here in my new blog.